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Diagnosed with psychotic depression despite never having been psychotic

  • Thread starter TalkingToGhosts
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TalkingToGhosts

TalkingToGhosts

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I have a problem that I hope someone can help me sort out.

When I was 16 I was put in a psychiatric hospital for children and teenagers. That didn't go so well and they carried me off to the closed ward after a week and had me stay that's for eleven days before they decided I was calm and complient enough to get sent back to the regular ward.
They did not much discuss diagnoses with me at that place but I found diagnostic keys on paperwork and looked them up on icd 10. One of them translated to "major depression with psychotic features", which I absolutely do not understand. Looking back I can recognise that I indeed did suffer from severe depression back then but I have never experienced any kind of hallucinations or delusions.

I understand it will be difficult to figure out why I received that diagnosis since obviously no one here was there back then.
I still hope you can help me figure this out.

What I am wondering is, did they simply mess up the diagnosis (maybe on purpose because they needed to justify sending me to the closed ward), or is it a misconception towards psychosis on my part.

As I said, I've never experienced any kind of hallucination. If I had, I am sure it would have been addressed by the therapists during therapy back then and no one ever mentioned something like that.

One thing is, the main reason I got placed in that mental hospital in the first place, was that I had stopped eating. Everyone thought I was anorexic but I think in the end they realised that I wasn't. I had simply given up and this was the only thing I felt I could control.
So what happened was they tried to get me to eat which didn't work so they gave me a feeding tube. Which was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. After being held down and having that thing get put down my nose I completely lost it. I think I said a lot of stupid shit and I hit everyone who tried to get close to me and in the end they sedated me. I ripped the tube out after that. They tried it again and it all just repeated and after pulling out the second tube they admitted me to the closed ward.

Thinking back I am wondering, did they assume I was psychotic due to my refusal to eat? Because if so that's nonsense. I knew exactly what I was doing, I just didn't care.

You might think there's no point in speculating but I really want to know what that diagnosis is about. I mean in the best scenario it was simply a misunderstanding. But in the worst case I might be psychotic or delusional or whatever without being aware of it and that thought terrifies me.

Thanks for reading.
 
daffy

daffy

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Have you discussed this with your p/doc as to why there diagnosing you as psychotic. Have you had any strange behaviours. Sometimes when were psychotic we have no idea as everything seems so logical at the time. I wonder if that was so in your case that you just didnt recognise your illness. The only way you’ll find out is by discussing the reasoning behind your diagnosis with the professional dealing with your case
 
L

linus

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The diagnostic the medics are using at the admission is a working one used to justify some treatment plan. Usually you should be handed over to a specialist outside the ward that after a while should set a final diagnostic.
 
J

Jules5

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Hi Talkingtoghost Welcome to the forum. The feeding tubes must have been horrible for you. Seems like you were fighting for your life not to have the tubes. I know you said you gave up eating as you thought it was not worth eating anymore. I use food as a control mechanism. If someone tried to push feeding tubes down me I would have went crazy as this is my body. I do not think they should of gave you the feeding tubes what a traumatic experience. So sorry about this. I do not think you have psychosis. Please stop worrying about that. If anything I think you are a fighter. You stood up for yourself under extreme conditions.

Seems like you are doing well now. Sorry about the label they put on you. People can be wrong. Make sure you eat Okay. No Fears and No Worries Lots of love and hugs Jules
 
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