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Diagnosed bipolar but....

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Brillo

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Sep 21, 2021
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4
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United STATES
Hi I was diagnosed bipolar 1 mixed with psychosis back in 2013. I've been hospitalized twice. The only thing is I don't relate to other people's experiences with bipolar. My moods don't cycle all the time I've never felt that elation people talk about with mania I just get very agitated and paranoid and supposedly delusional, I get to where I can't be on the internet because everything is some message for me warning me. I have a lot of chatter in my head. I hear whispers from time to time but it's mostly voices that are not mine in my head and they get very loud and chaotic sometimes. It is hard for me to go to stores or public places a lot because I feel everyone staring at me and talking about me..
I know none of you are doctors but can anyone relate to these things? I just am not sure that I'm really bipolar or if I have some weird form of it? I've kept most of these from my doctor because I don't really trust her but I'm seeing a new psychologist for therapy and am feeling like I can talk to her about it.
 
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BlueWater

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Jul 29, 2021
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883
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Earth
Have you read about schizoaffective or schizophrenia? Can't relate personally. One maternal aunt seemed to have bipolar based on her meds and actions but never divulged much to us. Another seemed schizophrenic and took an AP. Both are deceased so we'll never know the full details. Too much for the individual to endure without the proper help and too many baffled, overwhelmed family members as a result. Talk to your new psychologist about this. This sounds like some pretty important details to have been keeping in.
 
manicmonday

manicmonday

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Apr 6, 2020
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884
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Bucks
I am diagnosed bipolar 1 and had a similar experience to you. I had psychosis, a voice in my head and a lot of persecutary delusions, though I had grandiose delusions too. I didn't have the high mood associated with mania, I was just very anxious in the build up and then alternately sad at some of the delusions I was having and happy at others. Mine had a religious flavour so how close I felt to Loki generally determined how I felt.

I've questioned whether or not I'm bipolar but the doctors are convinced. I certainly get depressed easily enough, I just don't experience the highs.
 
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Queenoface

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Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
71
Location
Guyana
I relate to everything and I'm currently under review for schizophrenia. I just don't get manic at any point in time and I realize that I'm just not bipolar 1.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Apr 20, 2019
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2,868
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England
You say your moods don't cycle all the time but you have a lot of chatter in your head. Would this chatter be there when you're not in an episode of any kind, or is it there frequently? The line between 'Bipolar with psychosis' and 'Schizoaffective disorder' doesn't appear to be a particularly wide one, so you may be hovering around this area. I assume doctors know what you're saying here about the chatter? If not, they should know as that could be important.
I get the mixed episodes but I can also have 'nice' hypomania episodes too. I've been in and around paranoia but only when in a really bad mixed/manic episode.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
9,155
Location
Nashua NH
Hi I was diagnosed bipolar 1 mixed with psychosis back in 2013. I've been hospitalized twice. The only thing is I don't relate to other people's experiences with bipolar. My moods don't cycle all the time I've never felt that elation people talk about with mania I just get very agitated and paranoid and supposedly delusional, I get to where I can't be on the internet because everything is some message for me warning me. I have a lot of chatter in my head. I hear whispers from time to time but it's mostly voices that are not mine in my head and they get very loud and chaotic sometimes. It is hard for me to go to stores or public places a lot because I feel everyone staring at me and talking about me..
I know none of you are doctors but can anyone relate to these things? I just am not sure that I'm really bipolar or if I have some weird form of it? I've kept most of these from my doctor because I don't really trust her but I'm seeing a new psychologist for therapy and am feeling like I can talk to her about it.

I am also bipolar 1 with psychotic features. My delusions are delusions of grandeur where I think all of my friends are celebrities and that I have powerful influence via business and positive. I also develop issues where I think i animate objects like books, houseplants, bottles of shampoo and recyclable goods symbolize my friends and acquaintances and what happens to these items has bearing for my friends and acquaintances’ lives. This only happens for a period of time like about a year until something happens and I go back on my meds again and get back to “reality.” I don’t have cyclical mania either. It sounds like what you are describing is psychosis. Do you have these symptoms all of the time or just episodically? Are you on an antipsychotic to help with the part of the bipolar you have been diagnosed with that takes on psychotic features (I am and I find it very helpful). xo, j
 
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keith74

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Sep 14, 2020
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735
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Canada
I've never felt that elation people talk about with mania I just get very agitated and paranoid and supposedly delusional

Note that there are two types of mania - the stereotypical "happy" euphoric mania and then the more "angry" dysphoric mania. Some people lean more heavily towards one direction. It sounds like you get the "dysphoric" mania. During mania, you can get psychosis - which describe your other set of feelings (delusions). For people with bipolar, these delusions only happen during acute mania. If you get these delusions outside a manic episode, then you may be schizoaffective, which is bipolar+ schizophrenia .
 
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singsongfun

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Joined
Jun 28, 2021
Messages
641
Location
London
I was previously diagnosed bipolar, which changed to now schizophrenia. Psychiatrists do get things wrong and diagnosis change over time.
 
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