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Destructive relationship cycle

Q

Quickduck

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Does anyone else find that they can become overly attached and clingy in respect to someone they can relate to?
I do.
I'll build the relationship up in my mind to unrealistic proportions, upset the person in one way or another, feel devastated at having screwed everything up, and then start the whole cycle over again with another hapless victim. This is only halted by occasional breaks or periods of loneliness when I give up trying.

I really do think there's something wrong with me.
I just can't seem to maintain a normal friendship or relationship without sooner or later messing things up.
 
rubyrose

rubyrose

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Absolutely. I've gone through the cycle you described quite a few times. For me, it has a lot to do with my self-esteem, which has been hugely and negatively impacted by people acting as if they care about me then turning around and stabbing me in the back. It's weird...you'd think that it would cause me to feel hate towards others, but instead it's like I turned on myself as others have done and started hating myself as a result.

I'm so used to feeling like no one genuinely likes me that when someone makes me feel as if I just might be wrong, I place a lot of value on that. As the relationship continues, I'm constantly worried they're going to decide one day that they no longer want to be bothered with me, that I'm too much work, and that what they gain is not worth the effort they put forth. So in my mind I'm like, "you're lucky this person even likes you. Don't screw it up." And what do I do? I somehow screw it up. And because I placed my relationship with the person on such a high level, the fall is a hard, really painful one. Then I beat myself up..."why'd you have to screw it up? I knew it was only a matter of time."

Quickduck, I really do think you're an awesome person. You are such an authentically kind individual that if you even get the feeling you have hurt someone, it bothers you. Your heart is so incredibly warm that the thought of someone receiving coldness from you makes you shudder. Some might say you care too much. I say a lot of people just don't care enough, which is what makes you exceptional. :hug:
 
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Q

Quickduck

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Thank you for your kind words Sienna Rose. You are a genuinely lovely person and I do genuinely like you; in fact genuine is the word that for me most describes you. Those who have stabbed you in the back or have decided not to be bothered have lost out in a truly lovely friend in you. Perhaps you just need to find a friend who places as much worth on the friendship as you. :hug:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I used to be like this a lot, but now I think i've gone too much the other way as a means of defence.
Sometimes I can seem quite indifferent and a bit aloof, but ultimately it's because I don't want to be cast off as the clingy one or the one who cares too much.. that has happened, and it's very painful.

I don't know. It's all very confusing and I just don't understand how people can be so natural when forming any kind of relationship.:BLAH:
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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I used to be like this a lot, but now I think i've gone too much the other way as a means of defence.
Sometimes I can seem quite indifferent and a bit aloof, but ultimately it's because I don't want to be cast off as the clingy one or the one who cares too much.. that has happened, and it's very painful.

I don't know. It's all very confusing and I just don't understand how people can be so natural when forming any kind of relationship.:BLAH:
I've used the defensive way most of my life so i dont get hurt. Now trying to be me more with people but is probably too late and i still really scared of getting hurt but i cant carry on like this
 
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