• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

destroyed my relationship

R

Rhi_1986

Member
Joined
Aug 30, 2009
Messages
7
Location
Yorkshire
Like most people I've had my fair share of bad relationships and I've been a bit of a heart breaker. I've been seeing my current boyfriend for 2 and a half months and at the same time i've been going through a lot relocating and transitioning from uni to full time work. I've not been happy and i've made it very difficult for my boyfriend.
all i seem to do is push him away, cause arguments and blow things up that are really small. i've convinced myself that he'd rather be anywhere else other than with me. he's an amazing person and i don't feel like i deserve someone this nice.
we had a fall out last night when we were out and i went home leaving him with my friends and i tried to get in touch with him to sort things out later but he was having none of it. he said he was furious which doesn't surprise me and that he would get in touch with me this morning to sort it out.
i've not slept a wink and i'm just waiting for him. he's always there for me but i pushed it too far this time.
i think i'm a typical case of someone who thinks they don't deserve to be happy in a relationship.
does anyone have any tips on how to change how i feel about myself and relationships??
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,149
Location
W2
I'm certainly in no position to give advice about relationships. Always been bad at them. That said I've been married coming up to 10 years, so I must have worked something out (plus I have an attractive, intelligent, and mostly understanding wife). Don't be down on yourself, he must see something you are missing when you look in the mirror :)
 
SilentTears

SilentTears

Member
Joined
Aug 30, 2009
Messages
12
Location
North East
Can completely understand how you feel.
Can you tell what you've just told us, to your boyfriend? Or if you find it too hard, write everything down to him in a letter. Tell him why you do the things you do, and maybe you can work on it together, and he can help you.
You do deserve to be happy, and in a relationship. And your boyfriend obviously thinks so too!!
Hope everything works out.
 
R

Rhi_1986

Member
Joined
Aug 30, 2009
Messages
7
Location
Yorkshire
thank you

I suppose there has to be reason as to why he has stuck around. we have spoke briefly and he says we are ok but you're right, i do need to explain to him why i do the things i do. maybe next time he can just shake me and say "snap out of it!"
 
Neferakhet

Neferakhet

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2009
Messages
86
Location
Beyond the Styx
Like most people I've had my fair share of bad relationships and I've been a bit of a heart breaker. I've been seeing my current boyfriend for 2 and a half months and at the same time i've been going through a lot relocating and transitioning from uni to full time work. I've not been happy and i've made it very difficult for my boyfriend.
all i seem to do is push him away, cause arguments and blow things up that are really small. i've convinced myself that he'd rather be anywhere else other than with me. he's an amazing person and i don't feel like i deserve someone this nice.
we had a fall out last night when we were out and i went home leaving him with my friends and i tried to get in touch with him to sort things out later but he was having none of it. he said he was furious which doesn't surprise me and that he would get in touch with me this morning to sort it out.
i've not slept a wink and i'm just waiting for him. he's always there for me but i pushed it too far this time.
i think i'm a typical case of someone who thinks they don't deserve to be happy in a relationship.
does anyone have any tips on how to change how i feel about myself and relationships??
First of all..I think you should evaluate and analyze why you don't deserve a person this nice.Maybe you aren't attracted to nice men but rather assertive,macho typed man.Therefore in essence he may not be the one for you.At your subconscious this may reside while,on the surface you may just think that you may think that you are very content with him but you think that you don't deserve that nice a person,which is again flawed thinking in my opinion,since at life we are all thieves,no need to question what we deserve and what we do not..If one comes across something unique,positive he/she simply grab it in an opportunistic way.

So basically what you should ask yourself is :
1- Do I want the continuation of this relationship?
2- Do I really care for this person and want his companionship?

Now assuming that you want the continuation of this relationship.I think you should relax and stop for a moment and change the way you behave towards him.Because everyone has a breaking point..and everyone can take up to a point.So a good suggestion would be to treat him better..

However,now if that will be too much for you to do..between your work and uni schedule..If it will take too much from you,your new behaviours will probably be pretentious and your boyfriend may sense the reluctance.

Don't wait for him to call..You call him.Talk normal like nothing happened.Remember according to what you say sofar you've been pushing him hard.So now it's time to make up for it..Again of course if you do want to continue the relationship.

And if you can't make up with him.Don't worry about it.Don't think too hard about it and don't feel regret.It's best to take lessons from relationships.At such a point you should try to forget him as soon as possible but not the lesson/s you derive from the relationship.So you may not repeat the same mistakes such as (mistreating and pushins someone too hard) in your next relationship.
 
Last edited:
Top