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Despite struggling w/depression, I don't know how to help my fiance

K

katwomyn3

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Joined
May 19, 2020
Messages
46
Location
Los angeles
I have long struggled with depression and an eating disorder. My fiance also struggles with depression. We confide in each other in that subject. Although I try to downplay how often my ED (eating disorder) is affecting/effecting (I am still not sure how to use those) me daily. My fiance has been struggling with it more, it seems. I have dealt with my depression differently than he has, since I take it out on my body. But, lately he is having more trouble with it. He works and goes to school, which he didn't have the confidence to do so after we started dating. He has also started seeking help, before COVID, and began taking medication for it. But after COVID, seeking help and refills on meds is becoming difficult.
With my issues, I tend to talk it out and reason myself into functioning day by day. But the other day, he mentioned suicidal thoughts about not wanting to be alive. He says it helps talking to me about it and having someone listen to him so he doesn't feel so isolated with these thoughts and feelings. Yet, the other day when he told me about it, I was set in a tailspin. I maintained my composure and bit down on my feelings of helplessness and how I eventually resorted to ED behaviors.
I am fearful that he may fall deeper into these kinds of thoughts, and I am unable to do or say anything comforting to him. He has not proactively done anything to act on these feelings so far, and I try not to alienate him or feel guilty over them. I am still struggling with how to act and respond in a way that is not callous, bossy and all-knowing about his own feelings. I am constantly questioning whether I am saying the right things or acting the right way when he comes to me with these feelings. I just feel like I am not enough to help him, since I can't even comfort myself when I feel hopeless.
Does anyone else struggle with a partner who is going through something similar?
 
B

bpd2020

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I think people do have different ways of dealing with depression. As your partner is having suicidal thoughts, I would encourage him to seek professional help. It is wonderful you are supporting him but it can be too much especially if you have depression yourself.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
496
I agree that he should seek professional help. Depression can put challenges on the other person in a partnership. The partner who is not depressed often has to give quite a lot in terms of time and sometimes financially just to care for the other partner who is suffering from depression. When both are suffering from depression that is a big big burden for both of you. The help might not be there for either of you, so perhaps outside help will be essential.
 
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