Desperately needing help

C

CeeGee

New member
Joined
Mar 23, 2017
Messages
3
#1
I've just joined this forum after 18 months of literal hell on earth and really need some help from someone who understands what I am going through and someone to talk to without feeling judged for being crazy, or for me to feel shameful.


I cannot cope.

I'm now in a position where I need to find a job after being discharged from the military, but I've never been able to cope with anything considered normal and i'm really struggling with what to do. This is having a huge impact on me at the moment and i'm falling further down the rabbit hole.
I want to work hard, and I can function at a stupidly high level, but anything that doesn't excite me or challenge me is detrimental to my well being.
I don't really want to say it as it sounds so extreme, but my outlook is why would I go on when I'm so unhappy and will be for the rest of my life if I can't find something I love to do. (Which there is nothing else and never has been.)
I can't continue on like this. I have lost everything and i'm worried about where i'm heading.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
8,761
Location
England
#2
Hi,
Welcome to the forum, I'm sorry your going through this. I'm here to listen anytime.
Take care
 
F

findingpeace

Active member
Joined
Dec 17, 2016
Messages
32
Location
Derbyshire England
#3
Hi
Many days I have felt like you, your words 'hell on earth' was how I described it to my sister, but have got through them. Often think I can't go on like this but it's been almost 4 years now and sometimes now I actually get a good few (normal!) hours, never a good full day but it's on the horizon I hope. you too will get there xx
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
8,874
Location
basketville
#4
hello CeeGee you have so many transferable skills and at such a time when communities are in desperate need.

coming out of an environment where you have been Institutionalised is very tough, can you get some help support and guidance from the military? if that is appropriate. i hear so many that come out of the armed services have little or no support to make the adjustment back into mainstream life.

what about something to do with disaffected youngsters and there are many in our communities. maybe a homeless /street project. get involved and then you will start to make connections with people who can maybe steer you into a job and at the same time you are helping out individuals that society has placed on the fringes.

some other ideas
outdoor pursuits and team building.
prisons is another area there are all kinds of jobs i believe :goodluck:
 
ThinkingCat

ThinkingCat

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2016
Messages
121
Location
Shropshire
#5
I understand the struggle of finding the right type of job, one that doesn't hinder wellbeing.
It's very difficult. Many employers are also assholes to put it mildly.
Are you in a position to do voluntary work? I only ask because I did some on a farm with people with learning difficulties and I found it the best few months of my life. Sadly I am not in a position to do that now.
What sort of jobs have you tried and what did you like the most?
Thinking of your background and if you like working with other guys etc then like facilities management jobs or construction type things could be good. If you can find someone who would fund it you could also do less tedious and more skilled work. Apologies if that's a rubbish suggestion.
Please don't give up.
 
C

CeeGee

New member
Joined
Mar 23, 2017
Messages
3
#7
Hey guys thank you for responding.

The military have been awful and I am needing to make a formal complaint regarding what happened to me there. I've also got an injury which makes things worse although I now have a date for an operation to hopefully improve my situation.

I'm far from institutionalised and have always had the same issue even before joining - I just cannot deal with being 'normal'!

I own my own outdoor activity company, but due to my injury I am spending all of my time doing admin. Even guiding on some of the harshest environments has become boring.

I volunteer with a lot of various things which are fitting to me, but they don't pay and I need to earn a living to be able to survive.

I just don't know what is wrong with me. I cannot function if I'm not in a serious situation, and by that I mean life and death. I am at my strongest mentally when everything is a hundred miles an hour and for instance, pulling drowning refugees out of an ocean while on search and rescue operations. When i'm out doing that i'm so sane and balanced, even relaxed, but I come home and live a normal life and start to fall apart.

I'm already incredibly well qualified with two degrees, lots of experience so getting a job within a huge number of industries isn't a problem. The things you've listed above are so tedious to me I cannot bring myself to do them. I was formerly an Engineer, but it was terrible for me. (i'm female by the way ThinkingCat)

I have no idea where to turn for help. Obviously I've seen the doctor and councillors etc and even they agree that I'm just not designed to live a normal type of life which isn't helpful!
This may seem like such a small issue to you guys but the way it affects me is enormous, as in it makes me suicidal and depressed.
The best way to describe it is that i'm watching life just pass me by with no way to escape this and have no where to turn.
 
F

findingpeace

Active member
Joined
Dec 17, 2016
Messages
32
Location
Derbyshire England
#8
When you have an injury it's difficult to accept you can't do what you did before. You appear to be a very interesting person and probably your life was going at 100 miles an hour. Maybe meditation may help to calm your mind and accept your limitations for now. Doesn't mean you can't progress in the future. Try any job it will add to your interesting life and you may be surprised and enjoy something you never thought you would.
 
ThinkingCat

ThinkingCat

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2016
Messages
121
Location
Shropshire
#9
Sorry for stereotyping there Ceegee.
I do really relate to your situation, as I got my degree and then ended up working in tedious jobs for a decade. I have finally made the plunge into something that stimulates me a bit more now and am on the right track to potentially progress (if the rest of my life doesn't fall apart!)
Good luck x
 
G

Gwen123

Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2017
Messages
6
#10
Hi CeeGee, meditation or mindfulness could help slow down your mind a bit and relax you. I know it can sound tedious and not for everyone, but it wouldn't hurt to give it a go. Have you thought about joining any international NGOs like MSF or refugee charities etc where you can get a fast paced job? Best wishes x