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Desperate for help in a terrible state for mental health assistance

N

nick222

New member
Joined
Jan 3, 2016
Messages
1
My name is Nick. I am 30 years old. I have struggled with mental health issues ever since i was a kid. Most recently a doctor was looking into getting me a definitive diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. I have been hospitalized many times in my childhood and adult life. As a child i was on everything from ritalin, depakote, thorazine, zoloft, etc. As an adult everything from prozac to lamictal. I live in manatee county, florida; which is a terrible state for health care much less mental health help. I dont know what to do anymore forums. All the time i have violent thoughts, thoughts of abandonment, paranoia, and suicidal thoughts. In the past i have harmed myself, have attempted various mods of suicide, but havent planned, or put into action anything in years or harmed in years. I am a marijuana user, i drink, i am a kleptomaniac, a compulsive liar, and a very promiscuous sexual being, almost always with no protection and only been tested once in my life. I am in a horrible relationship with a domineering woman who takes advantage of me, i cant keep a job, and i have no friends anymore, and no insurance to top it all off. I have gone undiagnosed for years and years, untreated really since i was a kid, besides that just medications, no therapy, no psychological evaluation, nothing since childhood. I cant take life anymore, i just want to escape, but i also want to get better. I cant stand going through life making the choices i am. I am terribly manipulative to everyone i know which costs me relationships and friendships, and the lying is unbearable, i lie for no reason sometime. Worse of all ive been unfaithful to my girlfriend, which is something ive never done in any relationship.

Long story short, my life is in utter turmoil, i am in so much pain all the time. i am afraid of hurting myself, but common sense and fear has always stopped me, and i am in fear of hurting others. SOmetimes i even have clear visions/dreams of hurting people or hurting myself while others watch. there are some resources here, but few and far between for an able bodied man, with no insurance. Advice on how to cope, resources someone may know of, just general support and guidance are appreciated as well... i have ZERO support system
 
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Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hi nick

Wanted to say :welcome:to the forum.

So sorry to hear of your struggles right now.
I would urge you to seek out help and support , I understand it is difficult,
I'm glad you found us here. This forum has helped me a lot. Writing things down helps and often someone will come along with some guidance that is a real help too,
Sounds like you know you need some professional help, I guess it's really trying to seek that out.

Sorry I'm not greatly helpful.

With all good wishes to you.
Unique xx
 
T

Topcat

Guest
Sorry to read things are so tough right now :hug:
I had a quick look online and found this charity in your county that may be worth contacting (sorry, I realise I may be telling you something you already know). But they may have information to point you towards low cost or free services perhaps.
NAMI MANATEE COUNTY
I hope you can find some support soon
Xx
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
Hi Nick

im so sorry for the situation you are in

I honestly don't know what to suggest except contact every single Helping Agency and Psych in the phone book and ask if they will consider means tested treatment.

Even perhaps your local university psych dept.

It absolutely stinks, the situation you find yourself in.

I have been in it a couple of times myself and have No Real Answers except I tended to run - run and reinvent myself - it worked for a long time

Not ideal but if you run somewhere you can find a home and a job and some stability, you can build the rest

Please get busy exhausting every Charitable Avenue you can for help

Can you get to a doctor somehow?

Where are your family?

Mine are useless in fact worse than useless. They're the Cause so I cant turn there.

I've depended on the kindness of strangers also

Like right now Im in public housing Thank God

Before then I was in my car rather than live in a bad relationship :(

best

BDU
 
M

mysterious_hero

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2016
Messages
3
Location
ANONYMOUS
Hey there, it sounds like your very anxious writing all this. I'd stop with the marijuana. In my opinion you shouldn't rely on medication for the rest of your life either. You should think about going to a therapist. And being an American teenager, finding a therapist that wont just look at you and pass you off to a psychiatrist is hard. I went to holistic therapy for years and it was so helpful. I learned about meditation, relaxation, staying in touch with who I really am, and it improved my mental state so much. The abusive relationship is something you need to get out of. With 7 billion + people in the world there is no need to waste your time on someone who doesnt truly love you. The most debilitating thing you can go through is anxiety because it makes depression worse and can cause panic. The only good thing about anxiety is that when you have too much anxiety your body releases endorphins to calm you down and make you sleepy, which can lead to depression. I think those two things you need to combat first with a good, reliable therapist that cares about you and listens to you. Once you can deal with that, you can deal with anything. Remember, the scariest thing in the world, is fear itself. Your going to be okay, everything will be alright my friend:D lots of luck, mysterious_hero
 
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