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Desperate for help, I don't know what's wrong with me

U

USAF1110

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I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right area, I made an account just for this and I've never been here before. I'll try to make this as short as possible, but I sincerely apologize if I ramble on. I know you all have better things to do, but if someone could please read and reply, I would be SO thankful.


I'm a 21 year old female, and I've always been somewhat aggressive and abrasive, kind of stayed to myself most of the time, but I can be very friendly and sociable if I need to. However, the past year or so, I've had extreme issues with... Inner anger I guess you could say. And I'm not talking about slight annoyance, I mean... All out uncontrollable rage.


It's a very long story, but for the sake of you people, I'll just simply say that I hate my fiancé's cat. He came along when we moved in together a little over a year ago. He use to attack me, he poops in the house when my fiancé is at work, he will hide 24/7 when I'm home but the second he walks through the door he's out and is a perfect angel... I could rant about this cat for hours, but I won't. Simply put, over the course of a year, this cat has made me hate him with ALL of my being. I hate him. I've always been an animal person, I have never actually hated a person or animal before, not even close. I loathe this cat, to the point where the SECOND he walks into my view, my whole body tenses up and I just can't do anything but glare at him and wish he would leave.

Now... That's not natural, right? Right. I ignored it and kept quiet for a long time, but the past few months, I have literally wanted to hurt this cat. I want to choke him to death, I want to punt him into a wall, I just hate him. And I know I may get people angry now that id say something like that, but that's exactly why I'm so desperate for help. I wasn't like this before, and I know it's not right.

So I finally make myself go see a therapist. She's a nutjob who talks to me like I'm 5, so I don't go back. A few weeks later I make myself to go a psychiatrist for the first time. I told him everything, not in detail, but I did tell him I had urges to hurt the cat. He shrugged it off, asked what my sister took (we both have depression / anxiety issues). I told him zoloft, and he says 'that'll work' and prescribes it.... So..... Now my anxiety is in check lol, the cat problem is not gone.

I don't know what to do. My fiancé knows I hate the cat, he doesn't know I want to kill him. I've asked my sister who is a nurse about it and She has no answers. Apparently a fucking psychiatrist doesn't even care that much....

ALL I keep reading when I look for answers is basically how I'm going to grow up to be some pedophile or serial killer, and I just... I don't know what to do. I don't know what I could have, or if I'll get reported, or anything. I don't know anything, and I'm running out of options. I try to just ignore the cat and live my life, but I know my fiancé can still feel the tension, and it's killing him that his pet and his fiancé can't get along for more than 5 minutes.

Can someone please help me?



P.S. I know it's also not just a cat thing. We have another cat who I just love, he's so well behaved and follows me around and sleeps with me.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Hi and :welcome:

I don't think you would harm the cat or you wouldn't be so worried about it and wanting to get help.

Do you think the cat issue could represent issues between you and your fiancee? Like maybe to do with trust, or jealousy and so on?

It may just be that you and this particular cat do not get on, it can happen that way with other peoples' pets. The problem is that the cat will pick up on it and it will go round in a viscious circle.

this might sound odd but have you thought of approaching the vet or an animal behaviourist? They might be able to help you have a better relationship with the cat, by for example suggesting ways you can behave that would make the cat less antagonistic towards you which would then calm you down etc

You may never love the cat but at least could tolerate each other and live in the same space, as it sounds like the cat will be there to stay.

I would also suggest trying to see another therapist, one who doesn't patronise you and can help you sort through whatever issues may be underlying the problem with the cat and how to deal with it.
 
coldwater00

coldwater00

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I think you need to tell your fiancé about your hatred for the cat and why it's affecting you (and properly explain your anger problems and why you want help with them). To me, it sounds like you're under a lot of stress that is just oozing out. My cat stresses me out really badly sometimes, but I'd never try and hurt her. She's defenceless, and at the end of the day - the incessant miaowing and chasing my feet is just her being a cat. She can be really affectionate and lovely. I find it is really not helpful to direct anger towards animals - it kind of makes the guilt spiral for me.

If you really feel that you will hurt the cat, or kill it, I think it's your responsibility to make sure you don't end up in such a situation. Obviously it's not fair or right to take your internal anger out on an innocent animal.
 
U

USAF1110

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I would never hurt the cat, and I would definitely never kill it.

I have talked to multiple vets. When all this first started, of course our first thought was that something was medically wrong with him, he doesn't act like a normal healthy cat. We've spent probably over $1500 on getting him test after test, trying to figure out what was wrong. We've spent even more on their 'behavioral' suggestions. We've changed his litter, his food, gotten him extra boxes, more toys, more things to climb..... You name it. Nothing. Nothing fixes him, nothing makes him happy. Nothing.

And he's not like... cat annoying lol. I mean our other cat can be annoying but it's in a cute way that just makes you roll your eyes, like playing with your feet or meowing in the middle of the night. This cat is not like that. He just... hates everything except my fiancé. He hides constantly, he poops everywhere with NO cause, he hisses at me just from walking by. I can understand that he can probably read my attitude at this point, but I didn't use to be like this. I didn't use to be miserable all the time, I didn't hate him at all at first. I didn't use to completely uncomfortable in my own home.

So I don't know. I've pretty much given up by now. I've tried asking for advice in so many places, and always get the same answers. I don't care about this cat. I don't, I don't care about him, I can just deal with hating him. What I'm worried about is that this little feud will end up pushing my fiancé away, that he'll think I'm just some depressing psycho and won't wanna be around me anymore.
 
Toasted Crumpet

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I think you need the feline equivalent of the dog whisperer.

Is he a rescue cat by any chance?

Cat might be being territorial. Did your fiancee move into your place or did you move in his, or it's a place you joint got together?
 
clockworkmonkey

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Ok i cant read the whole thread (reading long stuff i loose were i am) but have read enough to say a few things if thats ok.Now dont take offence.Ive had cats around me all my life.Like people they are all different.as you no but .....
You say you hate that cat and not the other in fact the other sleeps beside you.now imagine how that cat feels (dosnt matter who started it cat or you) the cat will sence that probaly more so than a human.and for every action comes a reaction (neuton) so you come in greet one cat and look at the other and think oh your a little shit (or whatever negative you may feel for it) and that cat then thinks "fxck you im gonna piss you off mate" and shits on the carpet.Like i said it dosnt matter who started it.that really dosnt matter its whats done now today what matters.I notice before the Origional thread was edited that you want to kill the cat.well that cat knows thats how you feel.they have a real strong scence for that more than humans.You sound like me.if you hate someone you cant pretend that you like them when your in close company with them.That cat feels that.Another thing ive read on this thread is that you replyed saying "i would never hurt or kill the cat " so theres your answer to that.youve answerd that question your self.truth is with respect you aint gonna kill it you aint even gonna hurt it.just some times you feel you could throtle it.we all feel that way at times about people mainly and animals too sometimes.but we never act on it.its just a intrusive thought.
Another thing.and sorry if someones already said this.Do NoT make any eye contact with that cat EVER.To some cats that is a threat.I had i cat for 19yrs bless her and in all that time couldnt make eye contact.it also took seven years for her to let me pick her up.Some cats love eye contact some feel really threatand.my last cat did.I stopped the eye to eye contact for all its life and she turned into lovley girl.
Sorry if any of this has already been said.
youve said you wanna kill it but never ever would.So you need to not worry so that your gonna kill it because you then said you never would.Its just a cat that pisses you off ( which it will pick up on) that sometime you could kill the bloody thing.But in truth you wouldnt even hurt it.Dont worry things piss us all off.yours is a cat.pretend around it that you like it.Dont make any eye to eye contact.and dont be so hard on yourself.
 
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MoonPrincess

MoonPrincess

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The fact that you're worried about your own thoughts and feelings suggests that you won't hurt the cat, so don't worry if you're scared that you will because you won't.

I really don't want to come across as preachy or mean (it's not my intention, trust me) but cats (and many other animals) can feel your emotions and are very sensitive to them. Because of their sensitivity cat's know when you don't like them.

I don't, I don't care about him, I can just deal with hating him.
This is the problem right here. Your attitude to the cat is the reason why it acts the way it acts and I'm sorry if this offends you. Because of your feelings towards the cat, the cat will start resenting you:

He just... hates everything except my fiancé. He hides constantly, he poops everywhere with NO cause, he hisses at me just from walking by.
Which leads to classic cat anxiety right here. The cat is scared of you hence why he urinates/defecates in other places and hisses. The cat isn't doing it out of spite -- he's doing it because it feels intimidated by you, hence why he's pissing..etc.. He's claiming his territory out of fear, that's why he does the toilet. Also his hissing is fear, not aggression, which is a common misconception about cats.

You mentioned that you've tried various things to improve his behaviour. I'd suggest trying to build a relationship with the cat (I know this sounds hard, but there are ways of doing it). Try playing with the cat, even if it resists play keep doing it because it will see that you're trying to get along with it. Also, try have your Fiancé not interact with it so much when you're trying to build this new relationship because it will hinder the progress. Start acting like the clan leader; feed it, give it catnip, groom it and give it treats. Lastly don't show your anger and frustration because the cat will sense this.

If all else fails then medication might be the way forward to calm the cat down.

Have you ever heard of Jackson Galaxy? Go look him up, he's amazing when it comes to cats!

I hope this helps!
 
U

USAF1110

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I understand what everyone is saying, and it all makes sense. I REALLY appreciate the responses too, because this is the first place I've gotten actual advice from people.

However, I just can't believe the whole 'he sense how you feel' thing as the answer for ALL of it. I get that at this point, that ridiculous amount of tension probably is the problem, but it wasn't always like that. When we first moved in, he wasn't instantly bad. And even when he started being bad, I thought he was sick. So for a long time, I would spend so much of my free time just cuddling him, or on the bedroom floor trying to slowly coax him out from under the bed with treats without pulling him out, taking him to the vet, trying to play with him to cheer him up.... I spent so much of my time and money on this cat and ALWAYS had a positive attitude about it at first because I felt so bad for him, and he still acted exactly like he does now. This resentment wasn't just instant, it's grown over the course of a year and a half
 
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