• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Desperate for a way forward.

M

misshinklepie

New member
Joined
Nov 18, 2014
Messages
2
Hi, My name is Maggie :redface:

I will try to keep this as on track and as short as I can, but I beg of you, please provide me with any advice you can. I am desperate.

I met this guy in March, we hit it off so well and started a relationship in April. As we became closer I noticed the scars on his arms. Going in every direction, some even making patterns. Some were jagged and looked so painful. I hurt for him. I spoke to him about it and he explained that he had, had a rough time. Not much more was said for a while. He began to open up to me and couldn't hide his medication so he told me that he was taking Sertraline for possible schizophrenia however no diagnosis has been completed.

His dosage has now increased to 150mg. He is also on anti psychosis (not certain what he takes).

Basically, he see's people, he hears people, he has been chased by people, his outlook on life is completely different to the majority and he does find social situations difficult at times.

I would always ask how he was, I wanted to be as supportive as I could. It turned out this did not help. He began to get upset with me for asking and for trying to be there in any way that I could. So I tried to take a step back. It's difficult to do that when he stops dead in his tracks because he is scared of something I can't see, or when he texts me to tell me how he wants to kill particular people. He once told me the voices had told him to kill himself, his Mother and me. This didn't scare me. He couldn't understand why it wouldn't, he couldn't understand why I still wanted to be there.

I got a new job. Iv'e just returned home from 8 weeks of travel which did include the odd couple of days at home. This eight weeks has put enormous pressure on our relationship. Not only do we have the usual relationship woes, but in his words, I have a boyfriend who's head doesn't work properly.

We have argued for much of the time, but when I'm home, generally we have had a fantastic time in each other's company. I so love being in his company.

He gives me mixed messages. He tells me he loves me, the next day he tells me he doesn't know. He tell's me he wants to be with me, that he'll always be with me and then he says he doesn't know.

He's decided he doesn't feel emotion. He told me he feels nothing when he hugs his family members etc. Although the smile he tried to hide when he hugged me said differently.

I am desperate to be there for him. So after telling me he doesn't know if he wants this and that he wants to kill himself he agreed to meet me off the train. He told me many a time how he didn't know if he wanted this and how he didn't know if he could have a relationship and how he wanted to kill himself, and then how he wanted to live like a robot, and he'd tell me how much better he was than everyone else.

He told me he didn't think I'd let him walk away. I said, if you want to.Tell me and do it. He responded with, I don't think I can make you happy with this , with whatever is wrong with me.

I agreed to some crazy terms of our relationship, at last while he gets back on track. We aren't allowed to discuss emotions of any kind, I can't tell him I love him or I'm happy or I'm sad. It's hard. I can't tell him not to do anything, he can do what he wants and if he says he want to kill himself, well that same rule applies.

I love this man. More than I have ever loved another. I don't look at him and see his problems, I look at him an see a handsome young man that I am incredibly lucky to have, I made him a little book of memories for his birthday for those times that he forgets.

I don't know if it's best for me to walk away?
I don't know what is going on and I'm not allowed to ask for that insight, When I do he just doesn't talk to me. I am begging that someone give me some advice to help us move forward in the healthiest way.
 
S

stella

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 13, 2014
Messages
239
Hi maggie!

I don't really know what to say... I'm sorry both of you are having a difficult time

I can relate to him in some things, I'll try to explain how he could feel as sometimes I just act like that. He's probably messed up because he doesn't know why do you love him, and he doesn't want to hurt you, that's why sometimes he says he doesn't know his feelings, he probably loves you more than everything but is so scared to hurt you that wants to protect you and also him from his feelings. He's probably angry at himself for having such a strange behaviour and for worrying you, and for all the arguments you have, so the question remains in his head "why is she still here", it's really complicated. I'm not in a relationship but all my friends left me because of my problems, they finally fed up of the struggle even though they loved me, so please I know it's hard but don't leave him unless he gaves you really strong reasons, try not to press him to much, just ask once " is there something wrong" "sure" and that's all, try to make him avoid thinking in his problems or paranoias, just go elsewhere, do things together. Try not to mess with his decission, give him advices, but not give a stong posture, and dont repeat it a lots of times. It takes patience I know but if you really love him you can try at least :)

btw is he seeing any therapist or doctor regularly? taking any therapy to control his thoughts?

I hope this helps you ;;;;; I just wanted to advice you but idk him maybe it doesn't work with him

xx
 
D

djooj

Guest
Welcome to the forum Maggie. Hugs definitely.

Take care.
 
Last edited:
M

misshinklepie

New member
Joined
Nov 18, 2014
Messages
2
Hi guys,

First of all thank you. Even just for the hug! Very much needed atm!

Stella, Thank you for your lengthy reply. It is exactly what I hoped to hear. I am glad that you were able to give me such a different perspective. I find empathy easy with most situations but with this it is increasingly difficult.

The things you say in regards to his feelings, being angry, wanting to protect etc make a lot of sense. If he didn't want he could just walk away couldn't he? I don't want to leave him I want to support him. I guess I just needed to know if I'm doing the right thing by supporting him.

I think it is awful that people have just walked away, if you ever need anyone, even just to talk crap to, I'm here :)

Trying not to press him when he's down is the hardest part I think. I mean, how can I help if I don't know the problem? At the same time I know the problem is rarely one I can help with. I just want to. Seeing his pain is the worst. So what your saying is just relax with it. Treat it casually and avoid showing my emotional attachment when providing my opinion/advice on something?

I have considered just side lining it and carrying on as normal but I wasn't sure what way that would push him. I will try it if you think it will help. I'm happy to, maybe it will pull his focus away from his head and back in to reality.

All he see's is some GP at the outpatients that prescribes his medications. He has asked for therapy and he's been waiting a long time, nothing has come of it! He has now decided he doesn't want it and he is therefore better than everyone.

Thank you again xxx
 
Top