• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Describe your mania

M

Mezzer

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Uk
Hi,
For many years I've wondered if I have bipolar. At 20 years old I was in a bad relationship and was very anxious and depressed person. Suddenly for roughly 2 weeks I felt different. I just didn't care and it felt good. Then a couple years ago at age 27, I felt very agitated and stressed for a couple of weeks but wasn't sure why. I then started feeling great. The best I have ever felt. I had high self esteem, felt brilliant, confident, felt like I was free. Hardly slept but couldn't relax, high energy, talked loads, racing thought's, loved music on. Started wearing more provocative clothes, sex drive was high and ended up cheating. I was impulsive and didn't want to speak to anyone that would try bring me down. Then I literally crashed after about 2 weeks. I stayed in bed for 2 days crying and wanted to leave my partner because of the shame and guilt of what I did. I felt awful. The mania felt like it was a dream and I even started questioning if it was because it was so out of character for me. I'm a shy, timid, anxious person. But I had proof of the cheating etc by messages so knew it wasn't. I'm terrified of it happening again but at the same time, I loved feeling so care free and would love for it to happen again because its the best I've ever felt.

Has anyone else experienced similar?
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
6,841
Location
Sheffield
The best I have ever felt. I had high self esteem, felt brilliant, confident, felt like I was free. Hardly slept but couldn't relax, high energy, talked loads, racing thought's, loved music on.
Mine experience started off like that but it later developed into psychosis (delusions, paranoia and hearing voices) so I spent time on a mental ward, it only took a few days on the ward for me to 'come down' without being given medication of any sort.

It was like I was on Ecstasy (having tried it in my youth I knew the feeling well), I explained all this to the doctors but they offered up no explanation, they just released me back into the world after spending just nine days with them.

Doing my own research I came to the conclusion only one chemical that is naturally produced by the body could be responsible and that is Endorphins (Endogenous Morphine), usually produced when exercising in relatively small amounts I figured I had suffered from one of these 'chemical imbalances' that doctors like to blame a lot of conditions on, I think it's the Pituitary gland that produces this particular one.

So I went back to my normal life but a few months later it happened again, the feelings and voice was back driving me into more delusions and paranoia, this went on for a while longer than it did originally, in fact this voice claimed it was responsible for creating this imbalance and could turn up the intensity like it had a dial and could either raise or lower this feeling of Ecstasy, which sounds mad I know.

I went back to the hospital and explained what was happening again but instead of keeping me in they sent me home to await contact from the early intervention team which deals with people in psychosis and they came round to my house and prescribed me anti-psychotics which brought me back down to Earth pretty quickly, I still hear this voice in my head, the medication hasn't stopped that but now it tells me it's unable to turn up the dial on my Endorphins any more.

That was four and a half years ago, I haven't had an episode since so that's good but I still have this annoying voice in my head occasionally saying things like "one day, one day!" which I take to mean it'll try for round three if ever I come off the meds or they lose their efficacy.

I have a lot of ideas about this voice, it's origins and what it can do to me.
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
5,148
Seratonin and dopamine are boosted by MDMA, endorphims aren't the only culprit.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
6,841
Location
Sheffield
It had been 16 years since I took the Ecstasy, so the chances that it was purely naturally produced Endorphins were pretty high in my case. And the duration of the mania/psychosis was far longer than the average high from pills, the state I was in was sustained for weeks or months at a time, a matter of weeks for the first time and months for the second.
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
5,148
As someone whose done both Junk and MDMA I can tell you that an opiate style high is not anything like an MDMA high.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
C Drug induced mania/psychosis. Bipolar Forum 9
7920NewbridgeCovina Mania? Bipolar Forum 8
B Recovering from mania-entering depression Bipolar Forum 19
T What personally causes your mania? Bipolar Forum 21
F Abilify and mania Bipolar Forum 3
J Mania Bipolar Forum 2
K Anyone familiar with unipolar mania? Bipolar Forum 9
L have you had mania experiences that have made profound change in yourself? Bipolar Forum 3
B Fatigue, mania, caffeine Bipolar Forum 1
G How quickly can mania come on? Bipolar Forum 12
h_put2021 Taming Mania... Any tips? Bipolar Forum 7
K does anyone here have mini highs but not hypomania or mania Bipolar Forum 6
Hello513 So does any one else experience this in mania. Bipolar Forum 30
M Mania Management without Meds Bipolar Forum 29
HLon99 Mania coming back Medication adjustment through GP? Bipolar Forum 4
T Mania, energy and the natural world Bipolar Forum 1
M good meds for mania? Bipolar Forum 6
K is mania "insanity" Bipolar Forum 7
A Mania while on lots of sedative meds Bipolar Forum 4
K First time I've looked at my mania Bipolar Forum 4
JessisMe How Long Was Your Longest Mania? Bipolar Forum 2
JessisMe Duration of Mania Bipolar Forum 8
D Psychotic hypomania or mania? Bipolar Forum 5
D Unipolar Mania anyone else have it? Bipolar Forum 6
wraziel Is a mania? Bipolar Forum 2
rainbowsocks Wrong to like mania? Bipolar Forum 9
T Mania, another excretion of humans? Bipolar Forum 1

Similar threads

Top