• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Derealization

K

killswitchon

Guest
Has anybody had it and if so, how long? Because I am thinking that I may have it and I have been experiencing it for a year and a half non-stop and it feels like it is getting worse. I am at my pain threshold and am so frusterated now. Because I am not entirely sure that is what I have but it sounds so familiar when people describe derealization that I can't help but think that is what I have. I feel so out of it. Not to mention that one psychiatrist I saw believed and diagnosed me as "derealized"
 
D

dreambuggieII

Guest
Huh?

Come again?

What is the definition of "derealisation" or however you spell it.

Can't say I've come across it.

You okay?

:)
 
K

killswitchon

Guest
Derealization and Depersonalization are very similar disorders, and usually happens when somebody undergoes a lot of stress and/or anxiety. It is the bodies safety mechanism just like the Fight or Flight response when your body releases adrenaline into the blood. Derealization is a sensation that nothing is familiar, some say that it feels like they are in a dream. Even if they have been to that place hundreds of times it will look strange and unfamiliar. And depersonalization is when it is like you are viewing yourself from outside your own body, like watching yourself from the 3rd person perspective.

Now, I'm pretty sure I don't have derealization because it is a more acute feeling and what I have been feeling is chronic and doesnt ever go away.

And no I am not doing okay. I am in the hospital for the third time in like 2 months. And before this I was never admitted to the hospital for anything. I am so frusterated. The reason I am on the computer now is because the doctor gave me a weekend pass to come home, and by 9 oclock tonight I have to be back at the hospital. I don't want to be there but last monday I almost committed suicide because this feeling is so debilitating and frusterating because it has taken over my life and I can't stop it no matter how hard I try. It feels like a deja vu moment that never stops. Like I am constantly observing myself and wondering what the heck i am doing or saying. I am ahead of myself much of the time. And I can never snap out of it. I perceive everything to be going by at a super fast speed that I can't keep up with. I am so tired of talking about it because it is so frusterating and I continuously wish I was dead because everything seems like to much work. Even thinking is overwhelming me. I think about way to much and I easily overwhelm myself. I have a bunch of food allergies and one of them being an allergy to lactose. Which is inside most meds as a binding agent! So I thought the Seroquel XR that I am on now 300mg would be fine but i checked the website out on friday and they have lactose in it! FUCK. I have a feeling I am the one who caused this feeling to. When I was a little boy, from birth to about 5 years old I was consuming all the foods I was allergic to, and the way my mom found out was slowly eliminating each one from my diet. When I was a child I couldn't learn. I had a HUGE mental block. Nothing would stick, and I just couldn't process information. My asthma was sooo bad that I was sitting on the couch with this huge ventilator machine attacked to my face. I looked like a baby darth vader from star wars with this huge mask. I would sit there for a half hour a day getting asthma meds pumped into my lungs. I couldn't even make it up small hills when I was a kid without collapsing because my lungs were so bad. I was always unhappy and running into things. And my hand coordination was really bad as well. It just wasnt a pretty picture when i was really young. My mom had to pull me out of school because I wasn't learning and was causing the teacher quite a bit of stress. I began to homeschool and my mom took away foods like wheat, sugar, dairy, caffeine, egg, cigarette smoke and a couple other things but those were the huge ones.

So what I am getting at is that over the course of the past three years, my stringent diet was neglected and I consumed a lot of alcohol (beer which is made from wheat), and smoking weed, and I did cocaine and smoking a lot of cigarettes. My body is already super sensitive to chemicals and even perfumes so exposing it to the harsh chems of coke and a lot of weed was bad for business. I threw myself into an awful depression and was put on celexa(citalopram) for about nine months. It seemed to help and got me out of the biggest rut. Now that probably had lactose in it as well. And since then I haven't really been respecting my diet, still drinking every now and then, and smoked a bit more weed.

So what my mom suspects is that this whole feeling of being lost in my head and me visually perceiving the world to be going faster and me not being able to keep up, and feeling like I am living in a dream and my thoughts racing are all symptoms of me not taking care of myself physically so it affected my mental health. So her proposition is that if I follow my diet and stay off all that stuff my mind will slowly heal and get better again. I do not have much faith in that but at this point I am willing to try anything. Now I have seen 4 psychiatrists because of this. The first one I got referred to is the one that follows me when I am not in the hospital and he thought that it may have been symptoms of depression because he had no other ideas. My first trip to the hospital provided me with an opinion that said that I was experiencing an early episode of psychosis. The second stay I was told that I had derealization disorder and high anxiety which I didn't really buy for a minute. And Now this psychiatrist which I am seeing right now in the hospital doesn't know what to think but he would like to rule out all the factors. So last week I went for a CT scan, and an EEG of my brain. This coming week I will be meeting with a worker from Canadian mental Health Association to set me up with a social worker to help me navigate the system. That is on either monday or tuesday. And wed I meet with a psychologist to do some testing, and the psych is setting me up with a neurologist to make sure it isnt anything from that angle. Then I am meeting with another psych at the Royal Ottawa mental health Centre to see if it is something to do with ADD/ADHD. That is on thursday. I just don't want to go back to the hospital because it is such a chore because I have to bring my own food because their special diet never really works for me. I just hate it there. And that is my story so far. No diagnoses that have truly fit on what is going on inside my head. And today I am feeling even more out of it and lost and angry and so frusterated. Every day I pray to God for some sort of healing. It is so hard to stay positive in my head. I am just at a loss for what to do. I am mentally exhausted and have no mental stamina left to fight this. This feeling has been slowly getting worse for the past year and a half now. Suicide just seems so much...easier. I actually have no life anymore. I can't go out. Lost my girlfriend to this. I feel like I have lost friends to this, and my job. When will it stop? When can I stop fighting for every second of the day that I am awake. I wish I could sleep forever or at least sleep whatever this is away. It feels like a curse. This is a curse that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy if I had one. If you have read this far, good for you. I just feel so hopeless and sad and worn out :cry: fuck.
 
D

dreambuggieII

Guest
Killswitchon - give me some time. I'll get back to you. stay safe.
 
D

dreambuggieII

Guest
killswitchon - i need some help

i'm going to PM you.

:)
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Hi killswitchon, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad.

What you are describing sounds to me from a mental health perspective to be extreme anxiety. I get derealisation when i am so anxious, and sometimes it can last a long time, or will just be bubbling away in the background.

Look you have lots of appointments in the near future, doctors, neurologists, psychiatrists so on and so forth. I can imagine that you find the thought of these appointments makes you feel stressed, and I am sure attending them is stressful.

You have no idea right now what might be wrong, and I am sure you have fears about each potential diagnosis.

It is all very understandable.

I think in some parts your mum is doing the right thing. If you want to eliminate physical causes then you have to follow some basic rules, eat healthily, be hygenic, exercise, sleep well, look after yourself and avoid mind altering substances. If you get any of these out of balance your mental health can dramatically suffer.

Anxiety can be a result of drug and alcohol abuse, it is a well known side effect. So again I would really try to avoid these things right now. Because even though you might think it is helping it really won't be helping.

Take good care of yourself
Sapphire
 
G

Greysunday

Guest
derealization

I have been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder of which derealization is one of i think, five sub headings. I was told by my GP that it is a symptom rather than a condition in itself. Rather like being very sleep deprived. I was like this as a child and through adolescence and don't feel any different to when i was 15. I can't concentrate, poor short term memory, disturbed sleep and don't feel wholly part of anything. Always the outsider looking in. Problems relating to others and social interaction is problematic to say the least. Off to see a psychiatrist at last after years of being told it is merely eccentricity. You have my thoughts, i know what you are going through. xx
 
jax

jax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
I have suffered for many years with realization/depersonalization. It causes me to feel I am not real or I am floaty. It always happens when I am stressed out. Not a pleasant thing to happen. Often I sh when I am in this mode - to bring me back to reality.
Jacqui
 
G

Greysunday

Guest
The other side of life

I find it does not cause too many problems until i am alone in the house for too long and when i go out side my comfort zone. i.e. meeting new people going to others houses. Then i become stressed. Also, any thing concerning the given reality, ie household bills, the news, benefits... real life really. lol xx
 
Top