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Depressions back again

H

han3005

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
57
I've been away from this forum for so long now, for years it was my saviour when things got bad, but as I started to recover and gain my life back I found I needed it less and less. Well that has changed now, and my depression is back, I can feel it. I've lost all my motivation to go out with friends, to do my work, to talk to people, to get out of bed everyday. It sucks. I'm also not talking to my family at the moment, as I am so unhappy I want to drop out of uni, something they dont agree with. Things are just spiralling though. The self harming is back again, and my anxiety and stress from work assignments is at an all time high. I want out, i've had enough. If I dont finish uni I wont have a future, or so society says, but being here is killing me, i'm miserable, all my friends are doing placements and leaving me next year, I just split up with my boyfriend of a year, and things just aren't right with me. I've completely lost myself, I have no idea who I am or what i'm doing. All I want is to be back home to sort this out with my parents, but for the first time in my life they cant see how much pain im in, and they dont want to know.
I'm just done. I don't think life was meant for me.
 
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V

volnash

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Joined
Oct 16, 2014
Messages
566
According to society everyone has to be perfect, you cant have a bad day and you have to keep going no matter what, this is detrimental and a very wrong model that is very much applied to the world today, i disagree with it completely and i hope you will find it in you to be happy doing the things that you enjoy and like, and want to do.

I think you have been affected a bit, i think you are a little bit fearful of being left alone, and being alone? or am i wrong here, maybe your break up and the fact that your parents cant seem to relate to you is weighing heavily on your mind, this would be my guess but it's just a guess.

Also this life was meant for you, that's why you're here here han, if the stress of uni is too much for you, with everything happening is it not possible to take a break? or would you see that as a personal failure maybe? if so i can relate, but it's important that you try to avoid getting burned out.

I dont know how long your hours are or how much studying you are doing, i know very little about your life so i cant really come with alot of statements here at all, also the fact that you are stealing tablets and self harming is a bit worrying, is there nobody at school to talk to? like a teacher or support in any other way? have you explored different venues? im sure you already have, but just saying anyway.

Sometimes it can be hard to express our feelings, maybe you should try showing your parents this thread here? maybe then when it's on paper they will realise that it's serious and take you home, and give you the understanding you need? it's worth a shot i guess.

When i was feeling down, i found it very helpful to talk to people because isolation only made things worse, try to get out for some fresh air just walk a bit and breathe in the impressions of the world, if this is too much for you at the moment then dont do this, you can just vent in here and be happy atleast that people are reading your post, and that people care, im bummed down by the fact that you are unhappy, i hope you can find it in you again to venture outside more with your friends and maybe just get your mind off this depression.

I hope some of what i wrote makes sense to you, and that you can take something from it.

Hope you feel better, -Andre.
 
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han3005

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
57
Thanks so much for your reply, without even realising it you've pretty much understood everything that i'm feeling and made sense of it. Im a perfectionist and set unrealistic expectations for myself on a daily basis, so trying to get help or admitting to oters how I feel seems a personal failure for me, I know it's not it's just how I view life
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so rotten. :hug1:
It can be very disappointing when depression comes back, especially if you've had a period of being well. But you have to remember that you were feeling better before, and so it's possible that you can feel better again.
Have you sought any help from any professional at the moment? Do you remember what helped you feel better before?
Obviously things aren't just going to get better overnight, so in the meantime, look after yourself and keep posting here if it helps. x
 
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