I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I have felt like that many times, sometimes I do still feel like it.
If it helps, then I do want you to be here. I can't explain why, but I know what wanting the pain to end feels like, and I believe that no one should feel that way, let alone actually go through with it.
I believe people who have with these feelings, can learn to understand them and live with them, even though it is terrible when they return.
If I have learnt to live with these thoughts coming, you can learn to as well. There is no reason why you shouldn't.
Many people have completely overcome suicidal thoughts, and moved beyond them.
You can learn to too. You just have to be patient, and be determined.
Try to find people out there who will truly listen to you. There's a lot of them on this forum, in support groups, and therapists can help.
If you aren't already, try a course of anti depressants. Talk to a doctor.
I really hope things get better to you, and yeah, I know where you're coming from. And I know it sucks.