• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Depression

M

Meryl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2013
Messages
258
Location
Dorset
I am scum that is why I have refused treatment and medication for the last two years and that is why I am not talking to any of the people who care about me scum like me have to die I blame myself for my parents deaths they died from cancer and a brain aneurysm they blamed me right up to the day they died so that's why I have refusing treatment a and medication and that's why I can't live anymore I have not told anyone about this all my old psychiatrist and cpn will think is I am attention seeking so that's why I have not bothered to tell anyone
 
U

UMPALUMPA

Well-known member
Joined
May 15, 2015
Messages
1,802
Hey x

that's depression making you think your unworthy, I am sorry about your folks..

Your not scum you are worthy of help just like all of us

:hug:
 
M

Meryl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2013
Messages
258
Location
Dorset
So that's why I am not telling my doctor or anybody else about this I have got to carry on like this forever
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
It sounds like you've got so much going on for you Meryl and i'm equally disgusted and surprised by how little support you've been given by professionals.
The psychiatrist you saw obviously hasn't really heard you properly at all and instead has made unfair judgements about you. I'm not surprised you're pissed off and don't want to speak to anybody any more about how you're feeling. :unsure:

Is there anyone at all that you've felt has really listened to you? Even if it's a GP or somebody outside of the mental health services?

Personally i'd be inclined to find an advocate and fight your corner. They cannot leave you to get on with it, particularly when you're struggling so much.
That might seem a bit much at the moment or it might seem pointless, but it's something to think about.

I'm sorry to hear of your parents too and that you have taken on blame/guilt for them dying.. I don't see how you could be responsible at all but the pain for you is clearly very real and something that I think needs to be lifted from your shoulders.. :hug1:
 
L

Lancaster Sam

Well-known member
Joined
May 11, 2015
Messages
63
Location
derbyshire/Lancaster
I would echo Somerset Scorpio's thoughts, i hope things get better for you soon:hug1:
 
M

Meryl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2013
Messages
258
Location
Dorset
If I say anything now they will all think I am attention seeking so that's why I won't speak to anyone who cares about me at all I have just got to put up with it
 
M

Meryl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2013
Messages
258
Location
Dorset
All my family blame me for my parents deaths so that is why I am scum and that is why I am avoiding all my family I can't tell anyone now I have got to take it with me to my grave so that's why I am not talking to anyone who cares about me I won't see a doctor because I don't deserve to live and I don't deserve medication or treatment
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
744
Guilt can be terribly self-destructive. Im sure your family do not blame you for your parents deaths - and even if they do, I'd bet it's their own guilt they are displacing onto you. It is not your fault they died.

Everyone deserves to live. Everyone deserves happiness. Everyone deserves help and treatment.
I understand health services have let you down in the past, but please don't let this deter you. There are people out there that do care and will listern and help you in the ways you need. Sometimes they just take awhile to find. Please don't give up.
No-one thinks you are attention seeking, they are there to help and support you, not to judge you.

Xx
 
M

Meryl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2013
Messages
258
Location
Dorset
I said to my carer about I am to blame for my parents deaths all she said was I am attention seeking so that's why I am not speaking to anyone or seeing anyone I am going to stay in my flat and not go outside ever again that's what I deserve to not see anyone or speak to anyone
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
744
Well she is wrong. Totally out of line. She had no right to say that to you and should be reported for saying that. She is totally wrong and im so sorry you've been treated this way. I hope you have a different carer now.
Please don't let this discourage you from seeking help from elsewhere because of one person. It most definately isn't attention seeking. Thats so awful that she would say such a thing!!!
 
M

Meryl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2013
Messages
258
Location
Dorset
I know I should not have said anything to her but she was asking why I said I am scum and why was I not speaking to her so I had to say something but I wish I had just kept my mouth shut because I should not have told her I should have taken it with me to my grave talking about it does not make me feel any better I don't deserve to feel any better all I deserve is to feel like this to the day I die
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
744
No. You should have been able to open up to her without being made to feel ridiculed. She clearly lacks the understanding to know whats acceptable to say.
You do not deserve to feel this way. I sincerely hope you feel able to speak to someone else regarding your feelings.
Guilt is so consuming. Its an awful awful emotion and you need some relief.
 
M

Meryl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2013
Messages
258
Location
Dorset
If I ask for help now all my doctor will think is I am attention seeking so it is not worth bothering to go and see him I will just have to put up with this forever I don't deserve any help at all
 
Top