depression

[Clarityofthought]

i took my last anti-depressant two days ago. i'd got the dose down slowly and was at 12.5 mg (sertraline) for two weeks. i had my hair done and was feeling great. but then succumbed to taking drugs - bad mistake and i'm very ashemd. picked myself up and like i say stopped taking a-d's cos i thought i could handle it. well the last two days i feel ILL, very depressed, aching, digestive disturbances, outlook has gone rapidly down-hill, hate myself, how i look, overeating and putting on 1lb every two days! i'm 14st12 now the worst i've ever been! but i CANNOT go back to taking them. not an option. i think clearer without them - i've been able to do things like cleaning / cooking / going for a walk etc. but i have also been self-harming again. i just hate myself so much.

my husband is trying to be positive for me. he says feeling this bad will surely spur me into really sorting things - a diet if i want and working out. but i can't see how to!! i tried cutting out sugar yesterday and ended up eating half a chocolate cake and four white bread sandwiches! this kinda stuff makes me ill - i have bad eczema i think is food related. i'd tried all day to eat healthily - more salad and veg etx but i don't think fruit and salad or milk or eggs or yoghurt agrees with me and like i say i had bad diarrhoea. i CAN'T eat healthily!!! literally can't.

we have got to find a new house cos our landlord is selling.

husband is doing overtime to meet the extra costs.

i'm shattered!!! always want to sleep. no time for myself. ache SO MUCH!

i feel huge when i move - even going up the stairs.... i'm tired tired tired of living like this!!!!!

help



ws

 

[intelgal]

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time at the moment... Try not to be so had on yourself as it sounds as though you have a lot to deal with.

 

[Yellowcoaching]

since stopping the meds have you recieved any other form of support? I know you've said it's not an option to go back to the meds since you feel you can think more clearly and get some tasks done. I am worried though that you have begun self harming again and that you feel so low. It might be worth speaking to your Dr and see what other help is available to you if you really are dead set aginst the meds?

Fromt he other info in your post it seems you are under a lot of pressure right now and could use all the help and support you can get. If your other health probelms are diet related you may be bale to get a referral to a dietician.

take care of yourself.

 

[Clarityofthought]

hi both and thanks

no i don't have any other support. i guess i should. i know i should see my doctor. i just don't have the time and energy to devote to sorting myself out. it's easier to reach for the cookie jar.. i have a baby and toddler and so my whole life seems to revolve around them. the time i did my hair was my one 'me time' in a whole YEAR. i've lost who i am. i feel like i don't exist anymore. that's why the drugs - trying to find some happiness that was my own. but it was wrong and stupid i know. so then there's the cutting. works short-term. my head feels different after. but my mum and husband have commented. i just said it's a scratch from somewhere or other. god if they knew i'd be mortified. i'm such a mess.

i just want to feel better

 

[Dollit]

WS please go back to the doctor and tell him that you've stopped the antid's and why and that you need help.

You have far too much on to do everything so let's pick one thing and help you do something about that. I'll help if you want to try. xx

 

[Yellowcoaching]

I think the Dr is your first port of call to be sure. It's also interesting that after just a little bit of "me" time getting your hair done you felt so good. do you think your husband or Mum could take the kids for a hour or so each week to allow you more of that "me" time.

being a mum is rewarding but also exhausting you need to have enough time and energy to do the best job you can, so you do need to try and recharge your batteries here and there.