Depression...The Unexplainable Feeling

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Bepease20

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#1
Depression....

To many it's just a word for someone going through some things. That's to put it simply anyways.

But to others, it's the unexplainable feeling. It comes and goes like the wind, but just like the wind, it always comes back. Some days stronger than others, but it comes back all the same. It comes back in all different forms. Sadness, Anger, Regret, A complete breakdown of all emotions.

We try and control it with kind words and positive thinking. Doctors will tell us meditation or medication is the answer. Our friends, family and the world at large will tell us things like "It gets easier with them" or "You'll get over it". But how does one really overcome a feeling they can barely even put into words?

We use these words and medications and medications as bandaids for the larger issue, the one deep down, the one we can't see with our own eyes.

If tomorrow, you were shot, what would you do? Would you just put a bandaid over it and keep moving on? Or would you dig in and rip that bullet out at the source and end the pain? But unlike a bullet, there is no easy way to end the pain that comes with depression. There is no simple solution to fix the problem. So why do we only try to patch it up with the bandages that are pills and words?

In short, we may never know why we feel this way, though we may know the cause. Whether it's the loss of a loved one or the thought of our current situation or the planning of an always uncertain future or quite possibly a combination of the above, it all comes in as this one unexplainable word, a feeling we can't begin to fathom.

Every day is a struggle. We try our best to get through it, to distract ourselves from this controlling and manipulative yet subtle monster at times pounding and clawing at our door and at other times, methodically planning its next attack. When will it strike again? And when it does, how bad will it be? What will the damage be? And what will be left in the aftermath? At what point does the tide turn and when do we finally start to win these never-ending battles? In our fights against this foe, we are the Spartans against the Persians. Brave and courageous enough to battle the odds, but unable to achieve the victory we so desire. When do we becomes the victors? Will it be one big moment where we finally decide enough is enough and push with all our might? Or does it come as small victories here and there? A new car this day. A new job another day. Maybe a small treat for ourselves, whether a day out with friends and family or really just a small treat.

But with the depression, it's not so simple. The lines are blurred. Things aren't so black and white. A flood of emotions and a series of thoughts are always waiting for their moment to take hold. Will they be the good ones? Will they be the bad ones? That is the struggle we face every day. What version of ourselves will we 've today? And how will we weather the storm should things go south? A sunny day? A rain shower? A hurricane? Or worse? What will the day bring? What will tomorrow bring? All we can do is try out best to prepare, but how well can one really prepare for depression?

On most days, if not all, it is a losing battle. The feelings creep in. The emotions take over. We break down. We lash out. We push the ones we care about away and replace it with loneliness and sadness, the side effects of our predicament.

But when we do win, it feels ten times better than if we did it without this feeling inside of us. And everyday, we try to make those wins bigger and more meaningful. And maybe that's how we beat it. We may not be able to explain it. And others may not know how to deal with it or understand it, but maybe they don't need to. Maybe the only way to win is on our own. Because we know the damage done. We know how we feel. We know how bad it can be and the limits it pushes us to. People may be there as just a simple distraction. But they are not the soldiers necessary for this fight. We are the generals in this battle, commanding our inner soldiers to fight with everything they've got to push this foe back to where it came from and maybe, someday, push them out for good.

But it may not be today. Or tomorrow. Or even as soon as we'd hoped. But it will come. Someday. Somehow. We just have to keep fighting the fight. No matter why it is there in the first place and how much we may just feel like giving up and letting it win, we continue to push through because the light is always brightest on the other side of the tunnel.

Depression......The unexplainable feeling....The one that most do not understand.....But the very thing we struggle with day in and day out, but the struggle we will overcome. We just have to believe......
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
:welcome: to the forum. Some never win this battle though I'm afraid and it just goes on and on. But thank you for the post. Have you experienced depression badly, is that why you wrote this "article"? If so I hope you feel you have overcome it soon. Best wishes.
 
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Bepease20

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#3
I sit on most days and feel pretty down. Same feeling came today and I just felt I had to write something, somewhere, anywhere. This is the product. The purpose behind it? I don't know. Maybe it's to explain how I'm feeling. Maybe it's to put words behind my own definition of depression. Maybe it's to try and help someone else. I don't know. I understand that a lot of people don't beat it. That's the struggle we face. I honestly don't really have an answer.

I just know that in my own life, I'm having a hard time. Things keep adding up and its been like this for a long time now. It's just hard to see the end of the tunnel and the light it might have. Just guess I needed to vent.....