Depression sucks

[Matt P]

Hello everyone,

I've suffered from depression ever since I was a teen. I'm in my late 20's now. Seen so many therapists...never felt like they worked.

I always struggled with getting and keeping friends. I have really only 1-2 people I feel like I can ever rely on, outside of my family of course... outside of those two, I have maybe another handful of friends that I really don't think care that much about me. I always have to be the person to try to make plans with people...no one ever tries with me.

Luckily, my immediate family, which just consists of my mother and father are always there for me. I feel so lucky to have parents like them...They will always come and see me or have me over if I ever need them.

Anyway, I just moved out about a month ago...finally living on my own...with my cat and dog of course...and I find myself crying several times a week. I feel like I don't have a purpose in life. I get up, work (remotely), watch tv, and repeat. I see either my girlfriend or parents on the weekends and sometimes friends (sometimes being not often).

I found myself today...just thinking about it...what if I did? You know?

But then I think about my parents...my mom, diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer...my father who will need me when my mom is gone. They are the only things I feel are keeping me alive. Once they are gone, I fear I may end it.

I hope that's not the case. I hope there's another way. I hope somehow...someway...things can improve in my life. But if they don't, and the time comes when my parents are no longer here...I'm very certain I'll end my life.

Who will care then? No one. Just another number...erased from existence.

I would never wish depression on anyone...it's a bitch.


Anyway, I welcome any advice anyone has to offer. And if anyone needs advice from me, I would be more than happy to provide some.

 

[Ydoc2012]

I’m in my early 20s and your first few paragraphs are almost is exactly how my life is. I have 2 friends but really only one I talk too regularly. I have lots of aquintances or friends I don’t talk to. Sometimes I try to expand my social circle but that never works. I still live with my mom dad and brother.

I too find myself felling I have no purpose. I don’t have a lot advice but I definitely relate. Idk all the things you might struggle with but for me when I move out (hopefully sooner than later) it’ll be a huge step for me and that’s sometimes difficult and scary because it’s a huge change and a huge accomplishment, so give yourself credit for that

I wish you good luck and hope this helped you in some way.

 

[bpd2020]

Hello Matt and welcome to the forum. I agree that depression does suck. I have found an antidepressant and therapy helpful.

 

[Matt P]

I’m in my early 20s and your first few paragraphs are almost is exactly how my life is. I have 2 friends but really only one I talk too regularly. I have lots of aquintances or friends I don’t talk to. Sometimes I try to expand my social circle but that never works. I still live with my mom dad and brother.

I too find myself felling I have no purpose. I don’t have a lot advice but I definitely relate. Idk all the things you might struggle with but for me when I move out (hopefully sooner than later) it’ll be a huge step for me and that’s sometimes difficult and scary because it’s a huge change and a huge accomplishment, so give yourself credit for that

I wish you good luck and hope this helped you in some way.

What makes you want to move out sooner rather than later if I may ask?

Thank you for the kind words and its nice to be able to talk to someone that sort of understands my position. It's hard because i want more friends...but in a way im self conscious. I usually only make friends with women...men im not good with at all. Not sure why. How about you?

Hello Matt and welcome to the forum. I agree that depression does suck. I have found an antidepressant and therapy helpful.

Hello there and thank you! I am on wellbutrin and that seems to help a little. What meds are you on?

 

[eu9919]

Hi Matt,

For me, I've seen therapist and used antidepressants and sleeping pills but it does no good for my daily activities plus I need to quit my job afterward. I think it depends on the person which method could actually works but still in my opinion, the method of medicine does no good in the long run still and it might have bad side effects and toll on your mind and body.

I am not sure about living by your own when you have quite severe depression if I read your post. The thing that really keep me positive is the support of my family (parents, siblings, niece and nephew). Even having dog and cats don't really of much help because when you have people who care about you, they could communicate with you but that doesn't mean they could not help little to your situation.

You might want to try a few hobbies. For me, I try to keep myself busy to distract me from getting bad thoughts like cooking. I rarely set food in the kitchen but I find I kind of like it after all. I am really lazy to read books but I try to read the books that interest me. At first, it was hard but I just force myself as long as it could distract me from getting bad thoughts. I've also thoughts about suicide but I had fear about the consequences and what about the people who do care for me...they would be heartbroken and really sad. I find that when I was under depression that I have become restless and impatient, I want instant solution to my condition but the reality it took a very long time for me to be better and it took really a huge effort and hard work from my side. I tried yoga, exercises under sun (could just walking around the terrace), drinking herbal teas rather than medicine (for my case). I clean my house, laundry, ironing. Oh, and I listen to music, but I could only suggest gospel since it actually does soothe my restless heart . I do find writing in my journal also help with my depression. When it seems no one understand me, I just write anything to pour out my feelings. I don't write everyday but only when it's feel unbearable.

I talk to my mind when there is thoughts about how I am unlucky, I will be homeless and there will be no one beside me, etc. It's like a counter attack by saying that it's not true and it's just bad baseless thoughts that unlikely to happen.

Your life is precious and people do care, if not people who actually respond to your post. They do care and you are not alone in this. Don't give up because I am cheering for you

I hope today you feel better.

 

[EclipticNight]

Howdy

So you are me about 15 years ago. Im 36 now. Its almost the exact same thing. 1-2 friends, only relate to females, suisidal, depressed that i amounted to nothing. It was without a doubt the hardest time of my life. Never been able to hold a stable girlfriend either.

First of all, with the right meds it gets a lot more tolerable. With some thinking you can break the feeling. Ill share what i spent a decade trying to figure out. Im slow lol.

The idea that i didnt amount to anything. What exactly am i meant to amount too? Who even decided what i had to become? It turns out all i want is to be happy. I dont need money or success in a career, insane skills or solve the worlds worst problems. The reason i live is to enjoy living. Everything i do is in pursuit of that goal. People may have expectations of me but thats them. I can just as easily say they failed to meet my expectations.

Socially im a massive failure. Im agoraphobic and im totally ok with it. Im not meant for in person relationships. I have two friends who have ever seen me, one sister and my parents who im also close with. Instead i remade myself on the internet. I have a full social circle of people who accept me for all my weirdness and none know my name or what i look like. No need to know my past, we just have fun playing games.

Try to think about what you want to be and who you want to be around. What do you want from life? It can be anything or even nothing. Its up to you. Once you know what you want following that passion will lead to strength to fight the suiside impulses. Youll find you have lots to live for.

Enjoy this picture of a sword.

()xxx[]===========>

 

[bpd2020]

I am on vorteoxatine.

 

[Ydoc2012]

What makes you want to move out sooner rather than later if I may ask?

Thank you for the kind words and its nice to be able to talk to someone that sort of understands my position. It's hard because i want more friends...but in a way im self conscious. I usually only make friends with women...men im not good with at all. Not sure why. How about you?

I guess I just look forward to total independence of living on my own.

I also am better at making friends with women but I often end up catching feelings, even when I’m not interested in that way at first, and then it becomes to awkward to remain friends. I have trouble hanging out with guys because I sometimes feel inferior and compare myself to them and I end up being miserable and a pain to be around. I don’t really want a lot of friends anyway but I do want a few close ones and ideally a girlfriend but at the moment I lack both

 

[treasurebox]

Music helps me. Music therapy or listening to good and uplifting songs in youtube makes me feel and think better.

Also doing what I love to do which is writing helps me too. What do you love to do? What are you good at? Is it cooking, baking, gardening, doing arts and crafts? Do it and it will make you happy and even be successful.