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Depression/ paralysis/ low motivation, can't seem to snap out of it

D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,560
I can't even move to do the most basic of tasks like washing up or putting on the clothes wash. I am just basically trapped in my own paralysis. I have tried stuff like exercising, going for a walk to the park and meditating but I get back and I still feel the same. I feel angry about the past and the cards that have been dealt to me, and I feel like a wasted life. Yes I am seeing a therapist and yes I am getting support, but I can't MAKE motivation, it's like my whole mind and body have just shut down. You might call it procrastination. I just feel completely worn down.

The worst thing is I am 27 in a few months and I feel like I've wasted my life. I've had no relationship, just abusive encounters.
People say at 27 you have your whole life ahead of you, you can't say you've wasted your life as you're so young, but let's be honest, so many people have done so much by this age. My therapist said to me today maybe those people haven't been through what I have gone through and that's why they can do what they can, which is true, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I feel absolutely wasted, like I've wasted my young years. Please someone tells me it gets better. If someone could just give me somehow motivation to believe that something is going to get better, I would be able to motivate myself
 
S

sab1978

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Canada
I think as long as you’re holding on to that anger about the past, you’re going to be weighed down. I’ve lived through this time and time again, countless depressions, crippling anxiety. It always boils down to me not being able to make peace with the past. I’m FINALLY at a place now where I understand that everything happened the way that it was meant to...that I can turn it into doing good for humanity if I allow myself to. And if you can do that (I know you can, because I have and there’s nothing that makes me more special than you) then there is nothing but hope and peace and joy waiting for you on the other side.
 
G

Girl interupted

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Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
2,291
Nothing is ever wasted, we just continue to learn. Something you’d do 10 years ago, you’d never do now. You are just in the next segment of learning. Which will later unfold to help you.

I also think you don’t have your meds quite right, plus you flirt with going on and off them at times, which can severely impact lability and energy levels. I know you don’t want to be on them, but right now you need them to stabilize the rough bits.

Talk with your doc. It took me nearly five years to get the right combo for me, and everyone’s body chemistry is different. Wish it didn’t work that way with meds, but it really is trial and error until you find the right combo, and then commit to taking them daily.

Doesn't mean you’re weak to take them, just smart.

Also doesn’t help mood to be in the middle of this pandemic, it’s quite isolating and for some way too much time to let our brains conspire against us.

Im around, you know where to find me.
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,560
Nothing is ever wasted, we just continue to learn. Something you’d do 10 years ago, you’d never do now. You are just in the next segment of learning. Which will later unfold to help you.

I also think you don’t have your meds quite right, plus you flirt with going on and off them at times, which can severely impact lability and energy levels. I know you don’t want to be on them, but right now you need them to stabilize the rough bits.

Talk with your doc. It took me nearly five years to get the right combo for me, and everyone’s body chemistry is different. Wish it didn’t work that way with meds, but it really is trial and error until you find the right combo, and then commit to taking them daily.

Doesn't mean you’re weak to take them, just smart.

Also doesn’t help mood to be in the middle of this pandemic, it’s quite isolating and for some way too much time to let our brains conspire against us.

Im around, you know where to find me.
I have been taking my medications religiously recently actually, every single day.

I don't at all associate taking medications with weakness -
I am just highly doubtful about the effectiveness of anti depressants in curing depression, simply because bad symptoms persist. Often even starting out on new ones has led to excruciating symptoms. I am not a proponent for the trial and error method - experimenting with new cocktails of medications, and treating our brains and bodies as if we were guinea pigs, when the reality of the matter is the symptoms persist anyway. I feel so many of the problems reside within me, and cannot be cured by pills. I just don't believe it works like that. I might consider a new anti depressant... but then again, that brings with it a high risk of experiencing adverse symptoms, with my history, so you can see why I'd be reluctant to consider. I am more inclined to try healthy living and methods such as meditation, and gradually reduce my medications, than I am to continue, or switch to anything else.

Sometimes I just wish I could swing back years, or write a section of my life differently, so it never happened at all. Accepting that you only had a certain amount of resilience or strength at a certain phase of your life is hard, and facing that you have had so many unjust setbacks that others haven't had to go through, is tough. Really tough. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. I guess at least there is some kind of impetus to improve but often when I'm in this paralysis state it's a question of how do I snap myself out of it. And oftentimes, nothing works. But sometimes the smallest thing can snap me out of it, like watching an old familiar tv programme.
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,560
I think as long as you’re holding on to that anger about the past, you’re going to be weighed down. I’ve lived through this time and time again, countless depressions, crippling anxiety. It always boils down to me not being able to make peace with the past. I’m FINALLY at a place now where I understand that everything happened the way that it was meant to...that I can turn it into doing good for humanity if I allow myself to. And if you can do that (I know you can, because I have and there’s nothing that makes me more special than you) then there is nothing but hope and peace and joy waiting for you on the other side.
What you say about holding onto anger about the past is valid, but I'm really interested in how I can release or learn to deal with this anger about the past. Objectively speaking, I have been extremely hard done by - and yet, sure, no amount of self pity is going to change the past.

But what can I do with the anger? How can I turn it into something? If I can learn to validate myself and see that I am worth something as a human being, honestly that will be the greatest feat for me. Really taking on board that one's self is worth investment, is I think a crippling problem for depressives. Somehow you always believe you aren't worthy, or at least, your brain tries to convince you of it. My problem is often feeling I am not worthy of any effort, that I am a write-off, and nothing can change. Self-investment it seems is the hardest commitment to make for a depressive. Then the debilitating paralysis comes in.

I wonder if there are mantras like: I am worthy, I am worthy, I am worthy. Because that's literally the hypnosis I need.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
2,291
I am very glad to hear you are taking the meds consistently, and I hear you on the frustrations and impact of trial and error. The meds are never going to cure you, they’re only there as a safety net so that you can navigate life, therapy etc. The only way to be able to eliminate them is if you get resolution in therapy.

What’s hard is having to reconcile reality with our mind’s stubborn need to protect and shield. What’s good is knowing that reality is not a definition of who we are. That we can go on and be whatever we want to be.

Know that I’m very sorry you are going through a rough patch. I wish I had some magical words that would take all that sad stuff away from you. I sincerely want you to be happy, and I hate seeing you in pain. Xo
 
S

sab1978

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Canada
If you check out Louise Hay on YouTube, you’ll find some great hypnoses/meditations with the mantras you’re looking for ❤ They work.
 
U

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
198
Location
uk
I have been taking my medications religiously recently actually, every single day.

I don't at all associate taking medications with weakness -
I am just highly doubtful about the effectiveness of anti depressants in curing depression, simply because bad symptoms persist. Often even starting out on new ones has led to excruciating symptoms. I am not a proponent for the trial and error method - experimenting with new cocktails of medications, and treating our brains and bodies as if we were guinea pigs, when the reality of the matter is the symptoms persist anyway. I feel so many of the problems reside within me, and cannot be cured by pills. I just don't believe it works like that. I might consider a new anti depressant... but then again, that brings with it a high risk of experiencing adverse symptoms, with my history, so you can see why I'd be reluctant to consider. I am more inclined to try healthy living and methods such as meditation, and gradually reduce my medications, than I am to continue, or switch to anything else.

Sometimes I just wish I could swing back years, or write a section of my life differently, so it never happened at all. Accepting that you only had a certain amount of resilience or strength at a certain phase of your life is hard, and facing that you have had so many unjust setbacks that others haven't had to go through, is tough. Really tough. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. I guess at least there is some kind of impetus to improve but often when I'm in this paralysis state it's a question of how do I snap myself out of it. And oftentimes, nothing works. But sometimes the smallest thing can snap me out of it, like watching an old familiar tv programme.
I agree not everything can be cured by pills, in fact as pills can cause side effects I wonder if they are worth it. Although I think each to their own some pills work well for some people and not others. I am in the 'not others' category.

I do not judge anyone who takes pills anti depressants or whatever if it helps for them. However I am of the alternative, natural therapy route. I have lots of things in my life that I wish never happened. I have regrets and anger about some things. I have had PTSD which I have largely recovered from without prescription medication and BPD which is ongoing!.

It takes a long time but I am working on my BPD traits slowly and with grit and time. Although this is not easy. I have bouts of feeling down and unmotivated, but they do not last long, I think this is down to the past not BPD. I believe (although this is just me I am not judging others solution) that time, hard work, alternative therapies, nature, determination and ridding myself of people who hurt me is what will get me through. I am not saying I will be cured of BPD but I am trying.
 
O

OliviaAustralia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 23, 2020
Messages
82
Location
Australia
I can't even move to do the most basic of tasks like washing up or putting on the clothes wash. I am just basically trapped in my own paralysis. I have tried stuff like exercising, going for a walk to the park and meditating but I get back and I still feel the same. I feel angry about the past and the cards that have been dealt to me, and I feel like a wasted life. Yes I am seeing a therapist and yes I am getting support, but I can't MAKE motivation, it's like my whole mind and body have just shut down. You might call it procrastination. I just feel completely worn down.

The worst thing is I am 27 in a few months and I feel like I've wasted my life. I've had no relationship, just abusive encounters.
People say at 27 you have your whole life ahead of you, you can't say you've wasted your life as you're so young, but let's be honest, so many people have done so much by this age. My therapist said to me today maybe those people haven't been through what I have gone through and that's why they can do what they can, which is true, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I feel absolutely wasted, like I've wasted my young years. Please someone tells me it gets better. If someone could just give me somehow motivation to believe that something is going to get better, I would be able to motivate myself
I really relate to this, I’m 28 and also have the constant feeling that I haven’t done enough for my age. It’s crippling.
Something that helps me is reminding myself that when I was, say, 23, I thought I was so old and I should have accomplished so much but now I look back and think “I was only 23 that’s so young, why did I put so much pressure on myself to be accomplished ”. So I figure that when I’m older I will look back at 28 and think the same thing. Does that make sense? I find that helps remind me that I’m actually still really young and I’m putting too much pressure on myself.
I still struggle with this every day, you’re not alone in that feeling.
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,560
I really relate to this, I’m 28 and also have the constant feeling that I haven’t done enough for my age. It’s crippling.
Something that helps me is reminding myself that when I was, say, 23, I thought I was so old and I should have accomplished so much but now I look back and think “I was only 23 that’s so young, why did I put so much pressure on myself to be accomplished ”. So I figure that when I’m older I will look back at 28 and think the same thing. Does that make sense? I find that helps remind me that I’m actually still really young and I’m putting too much pressure on myself.
I still struggle with this every day, you’re not alone in that feeling.
What you say makes perfect sense.
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,560
I agree not everything can be cured by pills, in fact as pills can cause side effects I wonder if they are worth it. Although I think each to their own some pills work well for some people and not others. I am in the 'not others' category.

I do not judge anyone who takes pills anti depressants or whatever if it helps for them. However I am of the alternative, natural therapy route. I have lots of things in my life that I wish never happened. I have regrets and anger about some things. I have had PTSD which I have largely recovered from without prescription medication and BPD which is ongoing!.

It takes a long time but I am working on my BPD traits slowly and with grit and time. Although this is not easy. I have bouts of feeling down and unmotivated, but they do not last long, I think this is down to the past not BPD. I believe (although this is just me I am not judging others solution) that time, hard work, alternative therapies, nature, determination and ridding myself of people who hurt me is what will get me through. I am not saying I will be cured of BPD but I am trying.
The important thing is when you get a bout to recognise it is just a bout, that these bouts recur and we must accept them as waves when they come and even say 'thank you for your input'. And then we pick ourselves up and continue. Here is to lifelong strength
 
Antimatter

Antimatter

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
890
Location
UK
Well Dewey, reading most of what you wrote, I could almost written myself. That leads me to believe you are neck deep in the swill of anxiety. Sad, awful, painful, heartbreaking. No miracle cure coming from me, and feel your pains. You do recognise many things, and are pretty smart huh? Might not admit it though. Is late and running out of thoughts, but you do have lots to give x
 
Mario82

Mario82

Taking a break
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
3,781
Location
UK
Yeah I feel like I have wasted my life as well sometimes, and I am 37. What I will say is people will respond to you if you try your best to be sociable, I know it's hard, but I find people like the more friendly, optimistic me than they did the negative, cynical me from the past. I am not saying you aren't friendly, just saying try to give out good vibes.
 
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