- Jan 1, 2021
I have been wondering if I am suffering from depression or if it's actually more complicated, like quiet BPD. Here is how I can best describe my symptoms. This could very well just be depression. I am seeking therapy, but I also know that quiet BPD is not well-known. I haven't seen anyone on here talk about quiet BPD, but maybe those in the borderline spectrum can relate.
- I want closeness, but I push people away whenever possible
- I feel like I've been emotionally abandoned by those closest to me - friends and family
- My mood can change rather quickly if I get triggered by something. One minute I am completely content, the next I feel despair and shame.
- I like this person one day, but the next day I despise them or wonder why I ever liked them in the first place
- I have a lot of conflicting beliefs within myself. One of them being around sexual orientation. One day I feel like, yes I am LGBT, the next I feel like I was completely wrong about myself. Then I go back to feeling like I am LGBT. The cycle repeats. The cognitive dissonance doesn't ever go away.
- I feel a lot of shame and self-doubt
- I feel like I'm always too much for people and that they cannot deal with me because I am me
- People can betray my trust very quickly
- People see me and think I have everything together because I don't "show" it
- I was told by a therapist that I have social anxiety/phobia
- I hide how I truly feel
- I'm such a people pleaser and can't seem to not stop wanting people to see me as perfect
- I change my outlook on things all the time. One event or comment could change my feelings about something
- I am chronically indecisive
- I isolate myself when I get hurt or feel any kind of negative emotion
- I am confused as to who I am. I feel inner turmoil about my identity on a daily basis