Depression or Psychosis?

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Crazy Lady In Stanton

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#1
I have schizoaffective disorder, depressive type. Thankfully, my psychosis went away with medication, but my depression did not. In fact, it has gotten worse. For the past four years, I have been too fatigued to bathe on a daily basis. I'm just too exhausted. Sometimes I go as long as a week without bathing. This keeps me from living a normal life. There is so much that I want to do. I just can't find the energy.
I have been telling my psychiatrist about this problem every time I see her for the past two years. She has finally relented and given me an increase of antidepressants. But she warned me that my psychosis could come back as a result of this increase in antidepressants. I now go to bed every night afraid that I'll go mad again. I feel like I have to choose between happiness and sanity.:panic: I just wanted to get this off of my chest. It's been such a burden. I am grateful to hear any thoughts anybody has on this, if any.
 
Kurtcobain93_RIP

Kurtcobain93_RIP

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#2
I do not know what it is like to have psychosis. What is it like?
But also i dont think depression is good and it isnt a definate that it will come back according to the psychologist so i imagine i would've done the same thing.
 
Kurtcobain93_RIP

Kurtcobain93_RIP

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#3
Akso what is schizoaffective disorder?
 
BorderlineDownunder

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#4
I have schizoaffective disorder, depressive type. Thankfully, my psychosis went away with medication, but my depression did not. In fact, it has gotten worse. For the past four years, I have been too fatigued to bathe on a daily basis. I'm just too exhausted. Sometimes I go as long as a week without bathing. This keeps me from living a normal life. There is so much that I want to do. I just can't find the energy.
I have been telling my psychiatrist about this problem every time I see her for the past two years. She has finally relented and given me an increase of antidepressants. But she warned me that my psychosis could come back as a result of this increase in antidepressants. I now go to bed every night afraid that I'll go mad again. I feel like I have to choose between happiness and sanity.:panic: I just wanted to get this off of my chest. It's been such a burden. I am grateful to hear any thoughts anybody has on this, if any.
I'm just so sorry you have to live this way

You're one of my Favorite posters

:hug: to you

solutions - well I struggle too - for example with my walk which I've just got back from

Its like a muscle imo - if you use it it gets stronger

so if i walk today im more likely to go for a walk tomorrow

Just concentrate on mustering up energy to do One Thing - for you, its a daily shower or at least, a shower TODAY.

The sense of achievement you get is insane :)

and so it builds, the next time you force yourself you get a blast of Achievement

and so on

baby steps first

for example, clear out your bath or shower stall

get some nice soap maybe

A candle so you have some soft light (this is lovely)

some new pjs to get into afterward

scented talc

its one of my Comfort Mechanisms - having a shower, washing my hair and getting into clean pjs then a clean bed

It just feels so good

Even if you start with a super quick run through - just your pits and your grits - the water will cleanse and refresh you

I know how hard it is but you deserve to treat yourself nicely x BDU xx
 
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Crazy Lady In Stanton

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#5
I do not know what it is like to have psychosis. What is it like?
But also i dont think depression is good and it isnt a definate that it will come back according to the psychologist so i imagine i would've done the same thing.
Akso what is schizoaffective disorder?
Having psychosis is like being in a dream except you cannot wake up. Some people with psychosis don't realize that they're dreaming (I went back and forth between realizing I was psychotic and being completely out of touch with reality). The dream can quickly turn into a nightmare.
Schizoaffective disorder is when one has both schizophrenia and a mood disorder, such as bipolar or severe depression. I have severe depression.
 
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Crazy Lady In Stanton

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#6
BDU, you are one of my favorite posters too. I think I'll take your advice and make taking a daily shower the One Thing I do. It's essential to my recovery.

God, I hope recovery is possible. I keep seeing videos on YouTube that claim that people who have schizophrenia can't achieve anything in life. Even one of my old psychiatrists literally told me that I had never achieved anything with my life and never would and that I needed to come to accept that. The creep. When I told him that I had had my own business for fifteen years and that I had been in the field for a total of seventeen years, he completely ignored me. When I also told him that I had been an A student in college, his response was to say, "Well, we usually don't see that." I later found out that he had put in my medical record that I had dropped out of college do to a nervous breakdown. He also implied that I couldn't hack college. It was a complete lie. The only reason I did not finish college was that I could not come up with the money. The only reason I had had any college at all was that I had received a scholarship for academic achievement. But eventually the money ran out, and to make matters worse, I also lost my job as a tutor at the school as a result of government cut backs in the education budget. I know I'm getting off topic here, but my point is that even the medical establishment doesn't think I can achieve anything. I'm finding hard to believe in myself these days. As time passes and I can't seem to get on my feet, I'm finding it harder to have hope. I'll start with taking a daily shower. It's my new mission.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#7
BDU, you are one of my favorite posters too. I think I'll take your advice and make taking a daily shower the One Thing I do. It's essential to my recovery.

God, I hope recovery is possible. I keep seeing videos on YouTube that claim that people who have schizophrenia can't achieve anything in life. Even one of my old psychiatrists literally told me that I had never achieved anything with my life and never would and that I needed to come to accept that. The creep. When I told him that I had had my own business for fifteen years and that I had been in the field for a total of seventeen years, he completely ignored me. When I also told him that I had been an A student in college, his response was to say, "Well, we usually don't see that." I later found out that he had put in my medical record that I had dropped out of college do to a nervous breakdown. He also implied that I couldn't hack college. It was a complete lie. The only reason I did not finish college was that I could not come up with the money. The only reason I had had any college at all was that I had received a scholarship for academic achievement. But eventually the money ran out, and to make matters worse, I also lost my job as a tutor at the school as a result of government cut backs in the education budget. I know I'm getting off topic here, but my point is that even the medical establishment doesn't think I can achieve anything. I'm finding hard to believe in myself these days. As time passes and I can't seem to get on my feet, I'm finding it harder to have hope. I'll start with taking a daily shower. It's my new mission.
First of all CLIS, :clap: yay for you! It will not only stop the Self Loathing it will be the First Step in Recovery! Awesome! Its off such tiny changes that we begin to Feel Ok Again x

secondly - I hate psychs

honestly really dislike them

I said to one once, in a joking tone, I think there's something maladjusted about wanted to spend your career tinkering about in other peoples heads<<<but I wasn't really joking :p

She said, Its Fascinating and I did the big eye roll...whatever floats your boat hun

No Respect At All Basically

I even demanded from one I'd been forced to go to, "sorry, what are your qualifications?" in a haughty tone (no doubt this turned into Paranoid Personality Disorder)

BPD at its FINEST :D I can be an Absolute Cow when I want to be

my current therapist has a bunch of degrees but hes a Social Worker

he concentrates on Functionality. He talks more than I do, I've been seeing him for about 8 sessions and I was doing better from Session 1.

I too couldn't go to Uni, couldn't afford it, also overachieved for most of my life then hit a wall age 45 and fell apart completely

5 years in, I feel like a drowned rat

barely alive clinging to a piece of shipwreck in a storm

Yay again for you at the showering. Next You'll be washing the sheets and straightening the house :) (y)
 
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Christobel

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#8
Hi there CLIS! I too have been diagnosed with schizoaffective/depressive type, but lately my diagnosis has changed to psychotic depression. I'm not sure what the difference is! My psychiatrist has never mentioned to me that stronger doses of antidepressant can bring on psychosis. It doesn't seem very likely to me.

I agree with BDU that a daily bath keeps one feeling well. I can't wait for 7.30 to come around so that I can have a hot soak in scented water, and then lounge around in front of the TV with my PJ's on.

I am living proof that it possible to get your life back after a schizoaffective diagnosis, even though I shall probably always be on an antipsychotic and antidepressant.
 
Freezingmoon

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#9
I take great pleasure from having a bath. I see it as an escape. I get a nice Yankee candle on and a bubble bath in and just relax.
Strangely I can't go for a shower unless I really push myself! It just seems like a hassle. So bath it is, it soon becomes a habit.
I am diagnosed with psychotic depression. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think the difference between schizoaffective and psychotic depression is with depression you are only psychotic during depressive episodes but with schizoaffective you can experience psychosis in between depressive episodes
 
Boris

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#10
I think the best thing to do is keep a daily diary of your moods etc. Go with anything that lifts your mood and motivates you. Try not to worry about the medication and its potential effects on you... keep an eye on your diary and if anything doesn't seem right to you, go back to your GP etc.
I'm always weary of so-called professionals. To tell someone they will never achieve, you are in effect writing that person off. To do so suggests that the professional doesn't care (i.e. what's the point). Such a person is not a professional at all, just someone who gets paid for wasting others time...
 
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Crazy Lady In Stanton

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#11
Thanks Boris. That previous doctor was a dick. I can't let him define me. Every time I remember what he said, I'll just consider the source.
Well today was the third day in a row that I showered. I feel triumphant. I'm starting to think I can really beat this thing. If I am able to shower every day, then there's nothing holding me back. I can go where I need to go, and do the things I need to do. I am starting to feel way less depressed. I think to keep from backsliding I just need to remember BDU's advice and make taking a shower The One Thing I Do Every Day.
Another thing I intend to do to keep from backsliding is to get a calendar and give myself a star every time I shower. Then at the end of the week, I can reward myself based on how many stars I have. I know that may sound childish, but right now I need all the positive reinforcement I can get.
I also think my new increased dosage of antidepressants are starting to work. I just wanted to share this good news with everybody.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#12
Thanks Boris. That previous doctor was a dick. I can't let him define me. Every time I remember what he said, I'll just consider the source.
Well today was the third day in a row that I showered. I feel triumphant. I'm starting to think I can really beat this thing. If I am able to shower every day, then there's nothing holding me back. I can go where I need to go, and do the things I need to do. I am starting to feel way less depressed. I think to keep from backsliding I just need to remember BDU's advice and make taking a shower The One Thing I Do Every Day.
Another thing I intend to do to keep from backsliding is to get a calendar and give myself a star every time I shower. Then at the end of the week, I can reward myself based on how many stars I have. I know that may sound childish, but right now I need all the positive reinforcement I can get.
I also think my new increased dosage of antidepressants are starting to work. I just wanted to share this good news with everybody.
OMG CLIS,

:clap:

I am so thrilled for you!!! I had wondered how you were going but never dreamed you would manage 3 days in a row!!!

Then see how your thinking changed...?

Just one shower (or 3) and already you're ready for your next challenge in Recovery!!!

I am just so thrilled! that is Amazing Progress!!

Get that calendar and those gold stars, nd get yourself a treat for every week you shower every day :)

I journal everything, even cleaning my teeth and doing the laundry (my personal hygiene challenge) - I have charts to tick so I feel a tangible sense of achievement on a daily basis.

Ive long thought Self Care is the Key to Recovery.

again, Yay you...im so happy for you
 
Unique1

Unique1

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#13
Lovely to hear your positive news !

Thank you for sharing your news it's fab !

Best wishes
Unique xx
 
Boris

Boris

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#14
Yeap well done you :) if there is anything else we can support or encourage you with plz don't hesitate to post. Well done once again :clap:
 

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