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Depression or maybe anxiety... looking to control it before it gets worse

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firstlight21

Member
Joined
May 23, 2021
Messages
5
Location
UK
Hello everyone, I'm new here.

In the past few months I've struggled on and off to cope with life, in a way that I've never previously experienced. I don't know whether this is anxiety or depression. It feels like I have some of the symptoms of both.

Whenever I have a problem at work, even a minor one, I keep getting into cycles of negative thinking about the problem and can't seem to shake it. On Friday I had a fairly minor verbal disagreement with a colleague, and straight away afterwards I told myself I'd obsess about it all weekend, and sure enough that's what I've done. The colleague's face appears continually in my thoughts. When I've stopped thinking about this for a little while, I almost make a point of reminding myself and forcing myself back into the negative cycle.

I'm sleeping badly - not total insomnia, but often I sleep for a few hours then wake and can't get back to sleep. This morning I was awake at 3am, flitting between every random issue that I face in life. Work, being a good dad to my son, looking after my ageing father, problems with the house/garden... etc.

My feelings about these issues seem to vary between dread, anger, hopelessness, fear of being an imposter/fraud, and fear that other people are constantly thinking/talking about me and my faults. I also have a feeling of pointlessnes sometimes, mostly around the work I do and whether it has any value.

Sometimes, issues at work or at home (ones that I've previously dealt with fairly easily) just make me want to cry. The other week I started crying over a tiny argument with my wife about ordering pizza.

At times I've found exercise takes my mind off things, at other times alcohol, but always temporarily. It's like my brain won't let me switch off from the difficult stuff. I hate my mind sometimes for making me focus on negative things when I just want to get on and enjoy life more.

Once, I sat down while I was in the house alone and tried to do some writing. But I just felt empty - not positive or negative - and couldn't do anything. I couldn't see the point. For the first time in my life, I felt I understood why some people feel they need to take their own lives. I didn't actually consider doing so myself, and I haven't exactly felt that way since. But I want to try to get on top of these feelings before they get worse. I want to get more out of life again.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
2,193
Location
England
Hi and welcome.
Seeking help, even on a forum, is the first step and it's a big one because you've recognised the problem and want to fix it, so you've already done well on one account.
I have a link to a site that was given to me from my own mental health team and helps with a whole host of problems. There are numerous ones on here. I'll link you to the 'unhelpful thinking habits' page, but there are more to follow from this one and far more areas covered if you follow the headings at the top of the page as well. I hope you find some help here: Unhelpful Thinking Habits
 
F

firstlight21

Member
Joined
May 23, 2021
Messages
5
Location
UK
Thank you, I appreciate it. I'll check out that link.
 
C

cathanifrind174

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
100
Location
Paris, France
Welcome to the forums. I have both anxiety and depression. It is definitely possible to have both. I wake up at 4 am and my sleep cycle has been totally off for the last two months. If possible, you should take an appointment and see a professional.

I also understand what you mean by understanding those who want to take their life. There are days when I feel that way too. I feel like I'm a burden to everybody and I overanalyze what others might think or say about me. It never gets to the point of wanting to kill myself as I know deep-down that it's a bad idea, but I always toy with that idea. I too try my best to snap out off it. On the worst days, I can't do a single thing and I have no emotions, good or bad, everything seems so bland and pointless and empty. It can feel as if you are the only one in the world with such symptoms, but be rest assured you're not alone
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,325
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Hi @firstlight21
It is very common to have both anxiety (most likely GAD--generalized anxiety disorder) and depression. They feed off each other. It would be beneficial for you to see a psychiatrist for meds for both the anxiety and depression. Seeing a therapist for talk therapy would also be a good idea.
 
F

firstlight21

Member
Joined
May 23, 2021
Messages
5
Location
UK
Welcome to the forums. I have both anxiety and depression. It is definitely possible to have both. I wake up at 4 am and my sleep cycle has been totally off for the last two months. If possible, you should take an appointment and see a professional.

I also understand what you mean by understanding those who want to take their life. There are days when I feel that way too. I feel like I'm a burden to everybody and I overanalyze what others might think or say about me. It never gets to the point of wanting to kill myself as I know deep-down that it's a bad idea, but I always toy with that idea. I too try my best to snap out off it. On the worst days, I can't do a single thing and I have no emotions, good or bad, everything seems so bland and pointless and empty. It can feel as if you are the only one in the world with such symptoms, but be rest assured you're not alone
Thank you. The overanalysis is definitely getting to me. It's like my brain is setting me up for a bad day, deliberately, by focusing on every negative issue/person I might have to deal with and churning them through my ahead like a constant background noise.
 
F

firstlight21

Member
Joined
May 23, 2021
Messages
5
Location
UK
Hi @firstlight21
It is very common to have both anxiety (most likely GAD--generalized anxiety disorder) and depression. They feed off each other. It would be beneficial for you to see a psychiatrist for meds for both the anxiety and depression. Seeing a therapist for talk therapy would also be a good idea.
I'm going to start by speaking to my doctor, today hopefully.
 
Lexara

Lexara

Active member
Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
32
Location
Germany
Hi and welcome to the forums.

I'm just starting to get treatment myself, don't even have a final diagnosis but the suspicion of my GP is a combination of depression and anxiety as well. For me it was my parents who pushed me to get help just in the right moment when things started to get bad. And while i hated every phone call I had to make and am still dreading my first psychiatrist appointment, I'm really glad I finally got one and relieved to have done those things that hopefully will help me in the long term. So my advise is to keep looking for help because while I know I still have the biggest part of the road ahead of me, just the knowledge of knowing that things are in motion to help me get better helps me stay positive. And reading or writing on this forum at least helps me personally to remind me of that while im waiting for appointments and to not retreat to far back in the meantime.
 
F

firstlight21

Member
Joined
May 23, 2021
Messages
5
Location
UK
Hi and welcome to the forums.

I'm just starting to get treatment myself, don't even have a final diagnosis but the suspicion of my GP is a combination of depression and anxiety as well. For me it was my parents who pushed me to get help just in the right moment when things started to get bad. And while i hated every phone call I had to make and am still dreading my first psychiatrist appointment, I'm really glad I finally got one and relieved to have done those things that hopefully will help me in the long term. So my advise is to keep looking for help because while I know I still have the biggest part of the road ahead of me, just the knowledge of knowing that things are in motion to help me get better helps me stay positive. And reading or writing on this forum at least helps me personally to remind me of that while im waiting for appointments and to not retreat to far back in the meantime.
I managed to talk to my doctor today. He prescribed me Mirtazipine and is also putting me in touch with a mental health liaison team so I can talk to someone. I really don't want to be on pills long term, but he advised 3-6 months with Mirtazipine is normal, so let's hope they work alongside the talking.

Thank you for your advice, and I hope you are feeling positive today.
 
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