
jackshepard
Well-known member
Hi.
I passed a really bad 2008 year. I hope I'll be OK by 2009 because I'm getting more and more depressed.
I've been seeing psychologists for the past 5 years with no results, and now I'm seeing a psychiatrist because I can't keep on living like this.
First, it finally struck my mind that my mom was really crazy (and that it wasn't my dad and her neighbours who told this for hurting her), when the cops told me that one day I lost it and went to her house to beat her, I was even thinking about killing her with a knife. She already killed my dog by making it become obese on my last year in high school, and now my cat's volume tripled from march to early september when I came to take my things back. She destroyed my mind for years acting like if I was a 5 years-old child, she even gave me food in the mouth 'til the end of junior high school.
Hopefully, I found happiness while watching funny TV shows like Friends, Scrubs, Malcolm in the middle, The Simpsons, etc. But since last month, even these depress me even more when I see Malcolm's and the Simpsons' crazy but happy families; love relationships in Friends & in Scrubs, because I feel like I will never live things like this. I'm 20 and I've never been with a girl (I finally began to do something and asked a friend of mine out, but I wonder if I dared because I knew she'll say "No"), even Katy Perry's song makes me feel bad because I never kissed a girl. I spent the last year between college, my computers and my TV because when I don't make funny things I get very depressed, so I can't even work on my own. I even started to cry in my genetics class because the teacher keeps on reminding us that "There's half from our father's and half from our mother's DNA in each of the billion cells compounding our body", skipped the next 3 hours to come back for our tutorials drugged with antidepressants.
I'd prefer being in college than in week ends/holiday because I spend all the day watching TV and eating junk food.
Plus, I feel like I'm a disabled because I never knew how to ride a bike, I'm always feeling lke everyone's making fun of me and I've been making bad humor since the middle of high school whan my dad spent 2 years in a psychiatrist hospital for deep depression issues.
Hopefully, I did not thought of killing myself for weeks, and my every night depression is not focalised on my mother's madness anymore, but on the fact of being alone.
But as time goes, I feel more and more like if it will last forever.
I passed a really bad 2008 year. I hope I'll be OK by 2009 because I'm getting more and more depressed.
I've been seeing psychologists for the past 5 years with no results, and now I'm seeing a psychiatrist because I can't keep on living like this.
First, it finally struck my mind that my mom was really crazy (and that it wasn't my dad and her neighbours who told this for hurting her), when the cops told me that one day I lost it and went to her house to beat her, I was even thinking about killing her with a knife. She already killed my dog by making it become obese on my last year in high school, and now my cat's volume tripled from march to early september when I came to take my things back. She destroyed my mind for years acting like if I was a 5 years-old child, she even gave me food in the mouth 'til the end of junior high school.
Hopefully, I found happiness while watching funny TV shows like Friends, Scrubs, Malcolm in the middle, The Simpsons, etc. But since last month, even these depress me even more when I see Malcolm's and the Simpsons' crazy but happy families; love relationships in Friends & in Scrubs, because I feel like I will never live things like this. I'm 20 and I've never been with a girl (I finally began to do something and asked a friend of mine out, but I wonder if I dared because I knew she'll say "No"), even Katy Perry's song makes me feel bad because I never kissed a girl. I spent the last year between college, my computers and my TV because when I don't make funny things I get very depressed, so I can't even work on my own. I even started to cry in my genetics class because the teacher keeps on reminding us that "There's half from our father's and half from our mother's DNA in each of the billion cells compounding our body", skipped the next 3 hours to come back for our tutorials drugged with antidepressants.
I'd prefer being in college than in week ends/holiday because I spend all the day watching TV and eating junk food.
Plus, I feel like I'm a disabled because I never knew how to ride a bike, I'm always feeling lke everyone's making fun of me and I've been making bad humor since the middle of high school whan my dad spent 2 years in a psychiatrist hospital for deep depression issues.
Hopefully, I did not thought of killing myself for weeks, and my every night depression is not focalised on my mother's madness anymore, but on the fact of being alone.
But as time goes, I feel more and more like if it will last forever.