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Depression is coming back so need an advice

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Ava

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Liverpool
Hi,
I work for a construction-related company and would appreciate an advice on what to do with work. Apologies for a long message in advance.
I was diagnosed with severe depression in 2011 whilst at university and was put on an anti-depressant after which I tried to commit suicide twice in a short space of time. In both instances I did not go through with it, but was prescribed a different medication that also did not help but did not make the condition worse either.
In 2013 I was diagnosed with depression with psychotic episodes and hospitalised for 1.5 months. Following that I had a good two years with no medication and in work. In 2015 I went to see my GP who prescribed me anti-depressants as I was feeling quite depressed. I stopped taking them two weeks after as I fell pregnant. Then in 2016 following birth of my son I was hospitalised for another 1.5 months yet my diagnosis changed to schizophrenia as I was not experiencing depression symptoms at the time. In early 2017 I started experiencing psychotic symptoms again and was hospitalised for 2.5 months with diagnosis being schizophrenia. I have not had psychotic episodes since the last hospital admission.
Yet, I since late October 2018 I have worked away from home during the week and am only home for Saturday and half of Sunday. This assignment is to last until the end of June, but I have felt quite unproductive at work and had suicidal thoughts (not intent) coming back since January. The work pay for my transport, hotel and evening meals at present, but it still is not enough to stop depression from coming back. I am not sure whether I should be leaving this assignment early and thus disappointing people who put their trust into me following my hospital admission two years ago or I should try to get a grip for another two months. I cannot see my GP as they work the same hours as I do and is 6 hours travel away but also think that the depression relapse is likely to be related to part-living away from home so I guess I should really be addressing the causes of the illness. Your advice would be highly appreciated. Thank you.
 
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Roseessa

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2018
Messages
98
Location
Nottingham
You need to think about it and do what is best for you.
If that is leaving the job early, do it.
If its staying because you feel you might feel worse if you leave, then stay.
You have to really think about it all and decide what is best for you and your mental health.
 
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Ava

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Liverpool
Thank you for a quick response Roseessa - I really do appreciate it. It is likely that I will just be going back to my usual office location close to home. I definitely overcommitted myself, but at the same time really do not want to let my colleagues down, who have really been supportive when I most needed it a couple of years ago. So I am thinking to stay for a couple more weeks to see if I manage, but then the company will need to find a replacement for me where I am at at the moment, which could be tricky to find someone for just 2 months and pass the knowledge that I have gained over the past 6 months over. At the same time I definitely do not want to end up with constant suicidal thoughts that I had 8 years ago again.
 
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Roseessa

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2018
Messages
98
Location
Nottingham
Hi, no problem, and I understand, do you think you can last that much longer in it? Have you spoken to your boss about you struggling and you want to go back? Maybe you can tell them and in the time of you finishing the assignment they could be looking for someone to take your place so you can go back. That is if you think you can last that long, Like I said you have to do what is best for you as no one should have to have those constant thoughts in their head
 
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Ava

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Liverpool
I would probably avoid calling my direct manager as there has been a recent change and I doubt the new manager will understand my situation. I could probably talk to the person directly responsible for this assignment, who is far too nice, or HR. I guess I could last until the end of June albeit not as productive as I could have been, but am worried about the long term health impacts this may have (I might be overthinking things though). I have told work that I would prefer not to stay where I am beyond the end of June, so it is just the time until then I need to have the conversation about.
 
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Roseessa

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2018
Messages
98
Location
Nottingham
Well just make sure you do what is best for you, I hope you start feeling better soon :)
 
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Ava

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Liverpool
Thank you for the invaluable advice Roseessa! I think I’ll give it until Friday and will need to speak to them at the end of the week if the situation does not improve. Have a nice evening!
 
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pcoventry

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Newport S.Wales
Hi Ava, I agree with all of the above advice - Money is money - but your health is paramount. I did a scary thing today and cancelled a joint claim with my now ex for universal credit. Means until it's sorted no more money will be coming in apart from my PIP which I am grateful for. But I know that money comes and goes - my health only comes and goes once and same for all of us
 
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Ava

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Liverpool
Thank you for your support pcoventry! My main issue is that I do not really want to let people down.
I am sorry to hear that you cancelled your universal credit claim. Yet you need to do the right thing at all instances, so I guess it was the right choice at present. I agree that money is not everything and health should definitely be the bottom line. Hope that your new universal credit claim gets through quickly. It is possible that you may be able to backdate some of it starting from the date of claim.
 
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pcoventry

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Newport S.Wales
I've had it running for about a year - so that won't be possible -but it will be nice to be in control of me again
 
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