Depression in a massive wave

[dewey]

Haven't felt properly depressed for a solid two weeks, then all of a sudden this week it hit.
I've taken my anti depressant, had a shower, been for a walk, all the stuff that's meant to help.
Sad truth is I feel very alone I wish I had a partner and I wish all those times people came onto me I had been more forthcoming because if I had, now I wouldn't be in this lonely mess. I do it to myself. I really do. By shutting people out and never trusting anyone to date me, I make my life worse. But there's reasons why I don't trust to date.
I just thought I would write on here because I'm living in a flat on my own and I can't go to work, I can't see anyone. It all feels so desperately lonely. I wish I had one person to make me feel less alone, I have friends on this forum and also in real life, but I can't feel anything right now. All I can feel is my own purposelessness and I keep thinking about death.
Sorry to be so heavy. I am just feeling this way. Nothing is really working to snap me out of it.

 

[dewey]

The problem is I can't even nap off this depression, it's just not working

 

[Tawny]

Just rest.
We are in the same situation and have some similar feelings, although i don't think about suicide anymore. Life is going so fast that i will be old soon anyway and so die naturally. Hopefully a huge ice cap will melt and we will all drown

I have rejected some amazing men too. Stupid of me, it is not our fault we were not raised to look out for these good men and to avoid the fun and good looking ones. I went after those men when younger but should have avoided them.

Are you feeling suicidal? Do you think you will act on those thoughts or will you be ok?

I find it essential to get out for a walk every morning. I have to eat regularly too, healthy meals and also take my vitamins. A good routine and hobbies help me too. Also, walking to the shops to be around humans is important because the cat is not enough sadly

Please keep writing.

 

[dewey]

Maybe I just need to get off the computer.

 

[Tawny]

The problem is I can't even nap off this depression, it's just not working

Have you been taking the antidepressant every day? For how long?

 

[Tawny]

Maybe I just need to get off the computer.

 

[dewey]

Just rest.
We are in the same situation and have some similar feelings, although i don't think about suicide anymore. Life is going so fast that i will be old soon anyway and so die naturally. Hopefully a huge ice cap will melt and we will all drown

I have rejected some amazing men too. Stupid of me, it is not our fault we were not raised to look out for these good men and to avoid the fun and good looking ones. I went after those men when younger but should have avoided them.

Are you feeling suicidal? Do you think you will act on those thoughts or will you be ok?

I find it essential to get out for a walk every morning. I have to eat regularly too, healthy meals and also take my vitamins. A good routine and hobbies help me too. Also, walking to the shops to be around humans is important because the cat is not enough sadly

Please keep writing.

Thank you for replying. It means a lot.
No, I'm not suicidal at the moment, but I still feel very depressed. It's not an out of control kind of depression, but it still feels very difficult.
It's weird because it's just a pain on my brain and by my chest. I know I'm depressed, I know this feeling too well.
I just feel like I don't know what to do with myself

 

[Tawny]

I'm just posting these numbers here in case you want them later. The samamritans have helped me through many depressive episodes.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.

 

[dewey]

Have you been taking the antidepressant every day? For how long?

To be fair there I might have forgotten to take it a couple days earlier in the week as I was physically sick.
I've been on this particular anti depressant for a solid 3 and a half years.

 

[dewey]

I'm just posting these numbers here in case you want them later. The samamritans have helped me through many depressive episodes.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.

Thanks, I'm not thinking about suicide.
It's not an option for me.
I'm just having some days here where I feel very very severely depressed and like there's no one I can turn to

 

[Tawny]

Thank you for replying. It means a lot.
No, I'm not suicidal at the moment, but I still feel very depressed. It's not an out of control kind of depression, but it still feels very difficult.
It's weird because it's just a pain on my brain and by my chest. I know I'm depressed, I know this feeling too well.
I just feel like I don't know what to do with myself

It is a vacant blackness, i remember it well and it is horrific. The loss of pleasure symptom is the worst because i cannot find anything that will make me feel better. Medication is so important to some people though so maybe you should call your doctor to check you are on the right dose/medication? Would that be helpful?

 

[Tawny]

Some people find their medication needs looking at every couple of years. Maybe it is not working as well or maybe you are right that you missed a couple of days. It is amazing how quickly the blackness comes back.

I sometimes need to get in the bath, ready for bed, hot drink and get comfy in front of the telly, i don't know if that helps you. That morning walk though is essential.

 

[dewey]

It is a vacant blackness, i remember it well and it is horrific. The loss of pleasure symptom is the worst because i cannot find anything that will make me feel better. Medication is so important to some people though so maybe you should call your doctor to check you are on the right dose/medication? Would that be helpful?

Yeah, that complete loss of pleasure is really, really difficult. So hard.

Tbf I should be glad I had a solid two weeks where suicide didn't cross my mind once as this is an unusual occurence for me and is a sign something may be improving.

Medication is always a tricky one, because let's be honest, I don't' think any medication can actually take away depression. I would be surprised if someone reported their depression went away following anti depressant.

With the current pill I'm on, I feel it was more regulating symptoms as I was very very out of control before I started taking it, but I never found my depression went away, just that my symptoms were less out of control, my emotions were somewhat better regulated, by comparison with before I started them.

I can of course discuss this with my psychiatrist and you are right to suggest that. However I am unwilling to change medications because I have had bad experiences on medications in the past. And when I say bad, I mean severe. For me, it feels like too much of risk, because I simply cannot risk becoming ill again. There's too much on the line. I will discuss it with my psychiatrist at our next appointment though.


As for taking a higher / high dose well I always found that caused a kind of complete emotional numbness for me, which I found very disturbing, hence why I like to keep my doses low.

 

[Tawny]

I wouldn't ever want to change mine either so i understand that. Hopefully it was the missed tablets, plus it being January, plus covid, that is making it harder, quite a lot going on at the moment isn't there.

Antidepressants take away the physical depression for me but i also have general unhappiness that never goes away. When i have both at the same time, that is too much.

 

[karl7]

Haven't felt properly depressed for a solid two weeks, then all of a sudden this week it hit.
I've taken my anti depressant, had a shower, been for a walk, all the stuff that's meant to help.
Sad truth is I feel very alone I wish I had a partner and I wish all those times people came onto me I had been more forthcoming because if I had, now I wouldn't be in this lonely mess. I do it to myself. I really do. By shutting people out and never trusting anyone to date me, I make my life worse. But there's reasons why I don't trust to date.
I just thought I would write on here because I'm living in a flat on my own and I can't go to work, I can't see anyone. It all feels so desperately lonely. I wish I had one person to make me feel less alone, I have friends on this forum and also in real life, but I can't feel anything right now. All I can feel is my own purposelessness and I keep thinking about death.
Sorry to be so heavy. I am just feeling this way. Nothing is really working to snap me out of it.

im in a similar situation, im single and have no friends either