Depression Hitting Hard

K

Kaliare

Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2016
Messages
14
#1
I am really struggling right now. My partner was fired last March and my mood has been steadily dropping ever since. I was doing really well - got an award at work, was making friends etc. But when he got fired I lost my stability. I also had to quit seeing my therapist.

Since then I’ve been a mess. My drinking has ratcheted up. I’ve lost friends. I don’t make enough for two people to live on. We’ve burned through our savings and I’m back into my overdraft. I live a boring, miserable life - there’s not much left to cut, finances wise. We used to live in a cheaper area. There was a murder across the road and the neighbours kids vandalised our garden. Pretty sure I have ptsd from the murder situ.

I need to come off my anti depressants - I’ve gained 70lbs since being on them and I’ve developed PCOS. Having to pluck my face on a daily basis is doing very little for my mood.

I’m moody at work. I volunteer with my local political party. I tried to resign earlier this year and was persuaded to stay on. I’ve since embarrassed myself - I wish I’d had the backbone to stick to my resignation.

The worst part about all of this - apart from the poverty, social isolation and health issues - is that my partner seems fine. His unemployment has destroyed my life and mental health. He’s still socialising, playing video games, chilling out. He occasionally needs reassurance but that’s it.

I hate my life and am barely clinging to sanity. Last time I was drunk I screamed that I hated him. I told him I didn’t mean it but a part of me did.

He’s been in and out of work since we got together ten years ago and every time he loses a job I have to give up the things that are keeping me sane. I need therapy and stability. I love him but I resent supporting him. I resent that every time he loses his job it’s *my* life that is ruined.

I feel like my two choices are lose the love of my life or live in miserable poverty and possibly lose my sanity. Can anyone suggest a third way?
 
R

RexieSF7

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2019
Messages
3
#2
I am so sorry that you are struggling. The feeling of stability is so important for well being. Is he able to contribute financially at all? SSDI or unemployment or anything coming in? It definitely is not fair to you to have to suffer while he is seemingly living the "good life"... so I can understand your frustration. I think that you have the option to maybe separate until you both are at a healthy thriving place. Losing your sanity will not be good for anybody. I can tell how great you felt when you felt like you were accomplishing things at work, with friends and your job. Hoping that you can get back to a place like that again. Praying for you!
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
1,707
#3
Hi, I'm sorry that you are having such a bad time. Does your our partner know how much pressure you feel under? Have you spoken to your family and friends, I think you need some support network in times like this.
Take care
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
398
Location
California, US
#4
Hi and sorry you and your partner are struggling. You wrote that you believe your current medication is responsible for some issues. I'm not aware that PCOS is a possible side effect of any antidepressant but that's a conversation to have with your doctor. There is probably another medication that can help relieve symptoms without the side effects that are problematic for you.

It's vital that you have support and you didn't mention if anyone is helping you as you help your partner. Is there someone you can rely on?
 

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