depression , heartbroken after a year

A

annpau

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Joined
Feb 19, 2019
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1
Location
colombia
#1
Hi, I write you here, because I think I need help, I met a traveller boy more than two years ago, I am also a traveler. the fact is that for two years we went through nice things and sometimes many times where my heart was broken,we struggle so much , because of the indecision that he had. he is from england I am from Colombia, I dont want to stretch the story, many times I work very hard to be with him since the conditions of my country are not equal not good pay I work really hard once I went to see him in Turkey and when i was halfway there he told me to return, I was so upset sad depression because I often asked him if he was sure that if he wanted to be with me, from that day things changed and then we talked again after a while and he said he missed me so much that he was unhappy in England he bought a ticket to Colombia , I told him, you had to be sure, he said yes we did plans to move to ecuador , but the last week he said he is not coming he said he need to work and save more money and broke my heart again, the last day he repented and took the flight to Colombia but when he arrived he was very distant from me. We had planning to go live in Ecuador because we love that country, but once we were there he made me feel bad for money many times when I met him he was without money and my family opened the doors of his house and We gave home food worked hard together, and when I did not have money he made me feel very bad I ended up living in a very small town where there are many foreigners that vain surfing I asked him to leave, since he had money I did not have nothing I had to work there to be able to move the case is that he never left and he was dating with many women in my face really made me feel very bad I was going crazy I had depression I also started dating other people and he said to me im a bitch that i was false and a liar, it hurt me many times, in the end we went back and ended up every now and then because he was driving me crazy whenever he could stabbing me in the back, going out and sleeping with other girls, to hurt him I told him that my grandfather had died, but it was a lie and I did not know what to do to make him feel bad for doing those things to me. at the end he bought a ticket to Spain and a week before we apologized and decided to have a last week together thata it was magical it was like the day that we meet , we always had a unique connection we understood each other, we had the same tastes but at the same time we had different personalities he is a calm person, He does not confront the problems and I have an explosive personality and I say things the way they are and he hates that, the fact is that he ends up as friends and two weeks after he left he realized about my grandpa's lie, and blocked me I tried to explain to him that i had done it because of his lies i apologize, because I was always honest with him in everything and he was always a liar, the fact is that before he left we had promised not to go out with anyone and not to hurt other people, I realized that when he blocked me he got a job and he was already dating other people literally since he left I've been spying on him Social networks and he always is happy with many people, since what happened in Ecuador for the sadness gave me severe acne, and I had to pay a very expensive treatment and I focused on me, but i was feeling so sad always lonely, but 6 months later he contacted me and said he missed me much that he had met many people but he did not have a connection like the one he had with me, I was in Peru at the time and was starting a new life in cusco and it was costing me a lot to adapt and he blocked me after two weeks he said he cannot see me as a friend . he always wanted to be supported and i did i always i was there even tho if we werent talking i was there supporting him , but he never did for me when i need it , he is a yoga teacher and he calls himself spiritual but his attitudes are the opposite since I realized that he kept writing to girls by instagram is still the same i was super anger, and I told him by mail everything I thought of that he was false, the fact is that from there I had no contact with him, and I still miss him i know is stupid but, I cry every night I feel incomplete without him q I feel that I was very close when we met. It was not like that. We were traveling very well. We had a wonderful relationship but since the return to Europe was another person and a few days ago he wrote to me that I missed a lot, I reply and never again He spoke again, the truth is that he was also a good friend when we meet we use talk about deep things we had the same dreams we were so conected it was crazy but that person is not anymore, now I am alone I do not have a any single friend, I do not have a job I feel deppress all the time, I miss him a lot and I know for more than I write him emails telling him that I I feel alone and I just want someone to listen to me and support me in the distance he just ignore my emails so why he wrotte me he miss me it hurts a lot because I loved that person very much and I did not realize all the the bad things that he did to me his indecisions, the lack of commitment he told me that he loved me but then he left with others, I know he never loved me as I do, but I do not understand why he says he misses me. He told me many times that he does not know how to express his feelings, he keeps everything,I need professional help sometimes I feel like I want to die, I cry without stopping I feel so lonely. nobody listens to me no job i feel dum is just i feel i am not enuff, I think I've never felt so lonely, suicidal thoughts constantly i try to everthing but this feeling never goes.
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
Hiya. You have been through a lot with this man and from what you have written, I think he is better off gone out of your life. He has treated you so badly and you are now in a depressed state because of him. I think it might be an idea to see a doctor and ask for help for your feelings at the moment. I don't know much about the medical system in Columbia though (or are you in Ecuador?).

Can you not go home to your parents whilst you feel so bad and see if they can help you? It might be an idea. My deepest sympathies with how you are feeling.

[May I suggest you put in paragraphs in your writing as its hard to read a whole block of text].
 

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