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Depression from the last year ruined my marriage.

A

AngelEyes91

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
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3
Location
Wellingborough
I’ve been prone to depression and anxiety over the years. I seem to take on a lot of stress and occasionally I just have bubbled over.

The stress of the last year has really taken its toll on me and unfortunately my marriage ended up being a casualty. In January my partner moved out from the family home because I felt like I was being suffocated to be a certain way around him. I didn’t really see it at the time but now he’s gone; I can see that the depression made me withdraw thus making him go on the defence for why I was being like that. We decided to separate despite both loving eachother. Decided it would give me head space and clarity and it has helped me see what was going on but now I have severe anxiety and depression creeping in because I know that this wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t poorly. My partner is being very “arms length” and it’s making me so anxious and depressed that I feel like we won’t sort it out and get back together. I can feel myself slipping into a black hole because it’s all my fault and I’ve put us all through this because of my depression. I don’t want to speak to anyone I know, I don’t want to reach out to anyone because I just want to hide away. I didn’t have many friends anyway as I find people generally quite disappointing and fake but the ones I did have; have seemingly blanked me after initially trying to reach out and say I’m struggling. I just feel very alone and I have 2 special needs children too so I feel like I’m drowning and lost the one person that was my best friend and soul mate :(
 
J

JeanPierre

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Jan 4, 2021
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Location
Southern USA
Sounds like you were being suffocated with the pandemic and all. I've heard a lot of that.
But wait,
You suffer severe anxiety and depression, have 2 special needs children and your best friend and soul mate walked out on you cause you've bubbled over a bit?
He's keeping arms length with you?
And you are now suffering extreme guilt b/c it is all your fault?
That is horrible and I'm sorry.
I just don't know what to say.
Well for sure, it is not just your fault. Always take two.
Is he helping financially? How's the day going?
 
A

AngelEyes91

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Wellingborough
Sounds like you were being suffocated with the pandemic and all. I've heard a lot of that.
But wait,
You suffer severe anxiety and depression, have 2 special needs children and your best friend and soul mate walked out on you cause you've bubbled over a bit?
He's keeping arms length with you?
And you are now suffering extreme guilt b/c it is all your fault?
That is horrible and I'm sorry.
I just don't know what to say.
Well for sure, it is not just your fault. Always take two.
Is he helping financially? How's the day going?
He didn’t just walk out; I pretty much asked him to leave but it ended up with me feeling like that because he was being quite selfish and childish about me withdrawing from everything- it became all about poor old him and it just made living together awful.

We had spoke a lot and thought that this would help us both to see clearer. It hasn’t been until about a month after he left that I’ve been able to see that my depression made me do it. I didn’t really recognise that I was depressed whilst he was here. He is most definitely helping financially and we’ve both said we would like to work towards being together again but he seems reluctant to really set out how we are going to get there. It’s making my anxiety worse because I feel like he is saying nice things but then almost immediately after saying or doing something contradictory. I actually feel like he sees this as a time for him to go and have a whale of a time rather than a time to reflect and work positively towards being okay... even though that’s what he says he wants. I just feel so very very low to the point I don’t know what to do with myself day in day out. I feel numb and like I just am plodding along through each day with the kids.
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,038
Location
Southern USA
He didn’t just walk out; I pretty much asked him to leave but it ended up with me feeling like that because he was being quite selfish and childish about me withdrawing from everything- it became all about poor old him and it just made living together awful.

We had spoke a lot and thought that this would help us both to see clearer. It hasn’t been until about a month after he left that I’ve been able to see that my depression made me do it. I didn’t really recognise that I was depressed whilst he was here. He is most definitely helping financially and we’ve both said we would like to work towards being together again but he seems reluctant to really set out how we are going to get there. It’s making my anxiety worse because I feel like he is saying nice things but then almost immediately after saying or doing something contradictory. I actually feel like he sees this as a time for him to go and have a whale of a time rather than a time to reflect and work positively towards being okay... even though that’s what he says he wants. I just feel so very very low to the point I don’t know what to do with myself day in day out. I feel numb and like I just am plodding along through each day with the kids.
Awh that sucks.
Are you taking something for that anxiety? It's amazing how that can be helped.
 
A

AngelEyes91

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Wellingborough
Awh that sucks.
Are you taking something for that anxiety? It's amazing how that can be helped.
No I haven’t been taking anything. I find medication a bit of a slippery slope; well in the past I have anyway. I’m undecided. I’m going to wait a few more weeks until the kids are back at school anyway and then see if I still need a little help. I’m usually pretty good with all my CBT techniques but this time there’s a lot of overwhelming emotion involved with the reason I feel the way I do so it’s proving a bit tricky to get myself positive!
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,038
Location
Southern USA
I hear you.
I alway say though; there is nothing like a Valium for those special times.
Thc is reported to work well considering the natural route.
I sure wish you the best.
 
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