Depression from grief and blame.

[Lostpossum]

Hi everyone,

I have had bouts of depression in my life that I tended to work through within my own mind and power through.

I recently went through a very tough time with an ex who left me with blame and this has caused challenges beyond what I have ever experienced.

I am in therapy and that helps but only for the day I go and then maybe a few days after. But I want to find some ways to not think about the blame she left me with or atleast find ways to just I guess feel at peace with the grief of losing her and our child, with her blame she put onto me despite all the support I tried to do, and how she could cut me out of her life so quickly like what we had was nothing.

I guess I would love suggestions to help my depression daily rather then the few days my therapy help in a month. As well if you read my story, how can I find peace with her blame.

Here is that story for context to why my depression has been severe and daily: She blames and connects me to her trauma despite all efforts to support.

 

[Purpleplum]

She didn't leave you with the blame....You accepted the blame.
You don't have to accept blame from someone. It's you who is blaming yourself because no one can make us. Why are you blaming yourself for this?

Also, regarding guilt....the best and only thing is to go forward and do better.

 

[Lostpossum]

She didn't leave you with the blame....You accepted the blame.
You don't have to accept blame from someone. It's you who is blaming yourself because no one can make us. Why are you blaming yourself for this?

Also, regarding guilt....the best and only thing is to go forward and do better.

She did though, i see how it can be approached by taking blame and such, but she told me "had you not panicked, I likely would not have chosen to have the abortion." And "I am unhappy and I am suicidal because of you and our relationship".

Like that killed me so deeply when I tried to support her and never left her.

 

[Purpleplum]

The thing to do is to keep moving forward and change your behavior if you think it was wrong. We can only move forward and do better.

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Blaming is one of the 15 cognitive distortions. Here is a summary of blaming:

When a person engages in blaming, they hold other people responsible for their emotional pain. They may also take the opposite track and instead blame themselves for every problem — even those clearly outside their own control.

For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.