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Depression & chronic illness

losingme1989

losingme1989

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
290
Location
Somewhere that isnt home
Hello, long post sorry, hoping this topic is ok to post here.

I'm male, 30 years old, have been struggling with depression since the age of 13 or 14 & this chronic illness has been increasingly noticeable the past year and a half or so.

Had a violent upbringing, was bullied at school frequently and family fights were very common.

At age 26 or 27 I was assessed by psychologists and they found I was suffering with symptoms of PTSD.

I find it very difficult to carry out most responsibilities (I 'live' alone in a flat).

The flat is in a poor state, very untidy/messy & also is very damp and had a flood last week from neighbour upstairs leaving bath tap running.

I do have a 'support' worker that comes to visit but I feel that even though I can communicate these struggles, I feel unsupported and not really listened to.

Have found the past few weeks particularly difficult as the symptoms are getting progressively worse (nausea/dizziness, aches/pains, ringing in ears), have been to see 2 GPs before but found they had a dismissive attitude.

Just wanted to share this as I feel like things are only getting worse and at times I feel quite alone with this, other week I did phone a crisis helpline as I was having troubling suicidal thoughts but it got to a point of them s its 'all in your head' which is really no good when I already feel so demoralised.
 
losingme1989

losingme1989

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
290
Location
Somewhere that isnt home
Something to add as well, from August 2017 to December 2018 I was attending a group for people diagnosed with Personality Disorder (I was diagnosed Mixed Personality Disorder when I was on a psychiatric ward from April-June 2013).

I did try and reach out for help there but essentially what happened is I got presented with an offer but then it was quickly withdrawn, which im sure had its own impact on my mental health.
 
losingme1989

losingme1989

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
290
Location
Somewhere that isnt home
Just disheartening that certain aspects of living can become this difficult.... its a battle every day every minute every moment.
 
Parayana

Parayana

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,387
@losingme1989, it can get better mate, I've been there and it does, I still slip back but it's never for as long as when my depression first occured. Just noticed no-one had replied to the thread and wanted to say welcome to the forum. :)
 
losingme1989

losingme1989

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
290
Location
Somewhere that isnt home
@Parayana thanks for the encouraging words mate, appreciate the welcome also.

It somehow seems worse than a time I was going through homelessness but i know that sounds a bit mad, guess i just need to try and wrestle with it as best i can for the time being, even when there is upset & sadness.
 
losingme1989

losingme1989

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
290
Location
Somewhere that isnt home
Number of weeks ago it was like i was emotionless, so maybe its a good sign that my emotions have been reappearing (mostly sadness/upset though).

Probably be a good idea to try and sleep soon, feel exhausted.
 
losingme1989

losingme1989

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
290
Location
Somewhere that isnt home
Thanks again for replying @Parayana, feel so alone at times & calling helplines just feels too risky with previous poor experiences.

Find it easier to communicate like this strangely.

May post again later, will try and get some sleep now, goodnight.
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
483
Location
UK
Hello
You started posting late in night .. think maybe folks here asleep, dont be disheartened.
Have a look through depression forum, you are not alone. So many experiences all ringing true. Helps to know others relate, were all just here, chatting, keeping each other company, supporting, helping each other when or if we can. It can help to help others too.
Forums and phone lines are maybe the easier way to reach out for you right now. Dont be deterred, you are not in person, no obligation, quit if you dont feel its helping at that moment. Then get back on it. Its about you. I do hope you are chasing up your GP (UK is facing up to mh) theres help out there but you have to step up and get it. I know that can seem hard when you are so low. Find as much support as possible. Ask your GP if they have a wellbeing subscriber/coordinator. They can point you toward things you need help with. Practical and emotional.
:hug:
 
losingme1989

losingme1989

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
290
Location
Somewhere that isnt home
Hello indigo, thank you for the kind reply.

I guess I feel a sense of reluctance because of the past experiences ive had with GPs and not feeling listened to in relation to the chronic illness or even my mental health.

I didnt sleep well unfortunately, been getting upset as well.

I did see a care co-ordinator from mental health team last year (monthly) but unfortunately I wasnt able to make any kind of progress with my personal circumstances while he was seeing me. Just got challenged to change my eating habits. (Which I guess I was defensive about)

Also he questioned me more than once about taking psychiatric medication, which I am reluctant to do due to various issues, one being overdosing in the past.

Another is that I find side effects to be quite overwhelming, I appear to be quite sensitive to psych meds.

There are other issues going on in my life currently as well but I dont think this is the right forum to share that.
 
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