• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Depression, anxiety and possible psychosis??

H

Hill22

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2020
Messages
4
Location
London
Just over a year ago I came extremely close to killing myself. What scares me is that if I hadn't snapped out of this weird state I was in I would definitely be dead now. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for a long time but last year it got very severe to the point of almost committing suicide and I can feel it getting to this point again.
I had been progressively declining in my second year at uni and at a party in the wrong state of mind I took a lot of MDMA (probably around double the amount I should have taken). I bombed it and didn't think too much of it until I had a panic attack while coming up. I snapped out of it and started to enjoy myself, however a few days later, while still on a comedown and with absolutely no serotonin in my brain at all I was walking home one night. I usually have suicidal ideations (more curiosity; ie how much of x would it take to kill me, if I tried to kill myself this way, would I die, type of thing) but this was completely different. A voice I didn't recognise which was in my head but also so overpowering and all consuming that I didn't really question it told me to attempt suicide. I started to go to where I would attempt. This was the clearest my mind had been in so long and I liked it. I wanted to escape. Luckily after a few moments I thought of my family back home and my friends, and realised I couldn't do this to them, so I got down and walked home in tears suddenly feeling everything.
I can feel myself on another decline, and especially with the COVID-19 lockdown am scared that this will happen again but I might not be so lucky this time. I don't know whether the voice was a result of drugs or my mental state or a mixture of both, but the possibility of it happening again increases my anxiety, which in turn increases my depression and suicidal ideation and thoughts/actions of self harm and makes it all the more possible.
I am always too scared to tell this to a GP but I think I need more help than the meds and the recommendation of exercise. I am now back living with my parents and I don't want them ever to know the extent to which I am deeply unhappy with myself and my life.
 
H

Helena1

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,575
Location
UK
It sounds like a reaction to coming down from the MDMA, if you don't do it again any more, you will be fine.
You may be able to self refer to therapy, look up IAPT, they sometimes have stuff online or over the phone.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
7 How can I help my friends with depression? Mental Health Experiences 5
T Chronic feeling crap, depression or something else? Mental Health Experiences 2
E Depression and PIP Mental Health Experiences 1
D Does your depression worsen when there is bad weather and in morning? Mental Health Experiences 19
N Depression, loneliness, dying and not caring Mental Health Experiences 3
R Depression episodes : hating myself Mental Health Experiences 1
L HEARTBREAK DEPRESSION 7 YEARS LATER? Mental Health Experiences 2
B No emotions (depression, medication, trauma, schizophrenia/psychosis) Mental Health Experiences 12
R I have diagnosed depression, ADHD and GAD. I’ve also been 5250d. Will I ever be able to adopt a child? Mental Health Experiences 1
B just got ripped off/depression never ends Mental Health Experiences 6
C Tips for long distance relationship with a person with depression? Mental Health Experiences 6
N How'd you feel having a bf/gf while having depression? Mental Health Experiences 5
K Depression Mental Health Experiences 2
M Aphantasia & 16 years of depression Mental Health Experiences 3
J is it depression or its just my fault? Mental Health Experiences 1
W Infidelity, Separation, Family Troubles and Depression Mental Health Experiences 3
W Is this Anxiety? Mental Health Experiences 1
V Physical Effects of Anxiety Mental Health Experiences 2
elliepaige20 Losing my mind here...Anxiety-related nightmares? Mental Health Experiences 7
Soladwor Social anxiety and nosy neighbors. Mental Health Experiences 4
Droid0669 Anxiety and deppresion Mental Health Experiences 2
P What triggers your anxiety and panic attacks? Mental Health Experiences 3
maggie0123 not sure whether it was a panic attack/anxiety attack/psychosis Mental Health Experiences 1
L Lockdown anxiety Mental Health Experiences 9
N Anxiety - Indirect issue via Police (British) sort. Mental Health Experiences 9
T Is it anxiety? Where do I go from here? Mental Health Experiences 1
N Helicopters Maddening since Early Week/Anxiety/Paranoia Mental Health Experiences 2
J My anxiety symptoms Mental Health Experiences 9
J ssris helped alot but the social anxiety was there? Mental Health Experiences 1
S Acute anxiety and messed up Mental Health Experiences 2
M Anxiety For No Reason? Mental Health Experiences 9
D Anxiety and Work Mental Health Experiences 5
G Nightmares anxiety disorder Mental Health Experiences 2
T Feelings of fear, hopelessness and anxiety Mental Health Experiences 3
J Insane anxiety after drinking or eating?? Mental Health Experiences 5
D Anxiety question Mental Health Experiences 4
T I think my mental health is making me physically sick. is that possible? Mental Health Experiences 2
S Possible Trauma Bonding? Mental Health Experiences 27
C Wife's mood swings. Possible abuse??? Mental Health Experiences 5

Similar threads

Top