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Depression and suicidal thoughts from no love life due to extreme shyness

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Jameslee

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Luton
Due to extreme shyness I'm 35 and never had any sort of relationship and now I'm really struggling to get through each day. I've had depression for a while now and it's got to the point where the feeling of suicide is overwhelming. I can't carry on this way so I want to end the pain but my suicide would destroy my parents. Is there a way to kill myself with little as possible grief for my family?
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,015
Due to extreme shyness I'm 35 and never had any sort of relationship and now I'm really struggling to get through each day. I've had depression for a while now and it's got to the point where the feeling of suicide is overwhelming. I can't carry on this way so I want to end the pain but my suicide would destroy my parents. Is there a way to kill myself with little as possible grief for my family?
Come on, you don't actually want to do that to your parents.
I'm sorry you're feeling so shit about things, there's a lot of people on here who go through suicidal thoughts, but nobody on here is going to encourage you to kill yourself. No way.
 
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Flash_1990

New member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Cheshire
Hi Jameslee im new here too so first off welcome. I am pretty shy myself and it can be painful and frustrating. I also have problems getting close enough to form relationships due to social anxiety and low self confidence so I fully empathise with where you are coming from. I get suicidal thoughts quite regularly also but don't act for the same reason you mentioned with family. There is never an easy way to end your life for those left behind who love you. Have you ever had counselling to talk things through with someone. I know it is easier said than done because a relationship is obviously important to you as it is to me but i find it helps to try and find something else to really focus on and give some value to your life, it can be anything, for me it's learning to ride a motorbike. Once you achieve something else in life you can become happier as a person and that positivity will shine through to others.
 
J

Jameslee

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Luton
I'm currently seeking help but I feel like it's all going to be too little too late. I really appreciate your response but I can't focus on anything no more and the only slight relief I get is thinking about suicide. I cry myself to sleep everytime I manage to get to sleep. Is it so wrong of me wanting to end it all?
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,015
I'm currently seeking help but I feel like it's all going to be too little too late. I really appreciate your response but I can't focus on anything no more and the only slight relief I get is thinking about suicide. I cry myself to sleep everytime I manage to get to sleep. Is it so wrong of me wanting to end it all?
It's not wrong, you're just ill. I've been there. I still go there at my worst moments.
I hate to be simplistic about this but:
If you had done a good stint of exercise, sweated and released lots of endorphins, spent a few hours having fun with some decent human beings, and had an antidepressant that works for you in your system, chances are, you wouldn't be feeling so wretched.
All of those things I just listed exist in the real world.
I know it feels like the end right now, but we have to keep going
 
J

Jameslee

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Luton
Thanks for responding. I used to run every day but its no longer possible as I've just stood on the treadmill with tears streaming down my face. Due to my shyness I only have a couple of friends and they no longer live nearby. I'm not on here trying to bring people down however I don't understand why "we have to keep going" if I have nothing to live for and I no longer enjoy things, why keep going?
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,015
Thanks for responding. I used to run every day but its no longer possible as I've just stood on the treadmill with tears streaming down my face. Due to my shyness I only have a couple of friends and they no longer live nearby. I'm not on here trying to bring people down however I don't understand why "we have to keep going" if I have nothing to live for and I no longer enjoy things, why keep going?

I also have had massive problems with not having a friendship group and feeling isolated. Friends can move away or we 'break up' with them. But there does exist the future possibility to make a few new friends, even if it is just one or two (Which to be fair it usually is just one or two that will actually stick by you and be good proper friends). What about that future possibility?

I think it is complicated, why we keep going. I have so much mess in my head I often don't know why keep going. It is all overwhelming. I keep going at root, because I know a) it would destroy others around me if I didn't b)because of myself, I need to at least give myself a chance that things will slowly, somehow improve, which is a hard battle to fight. But I find the hard way is the right way.

Everyone has things they need to improve about themselves, vulnerabilities. The fact you are aware of your own, for example, your shyness stopping you from doing things, that gives you something to address. How can you work on that? What can you do to resolve it? Even just google it and I guarantee you there will be millions of valuable blogposts on the internet about people who have struggled with shyness and their gems of wisdom. Or what about going to counselling to address shyness. Pick one thing at a time. One issue at a time. Small steps.

You are questioning why you are here ---> shows that you have an opportunity to change.

Confronting demons is the worst thing you can do, the hardest things, but the most valuable. Life is unpredictable, unknowable, we don't know what will happen next, stay alive for the struggle, for the curiosity. You are strong enough. Hell yeah you are.
 
W

Wkd

New member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Reading, UK
James, like you I'm shy, but I've had relationships and gone over and above to make them work. Each time, I've been left and they've taken everything from me. I'm currently looking at losing my house and everything I've worked for in a divorce, as well as my kids, so don't for one minute think that a brief period of togetherness is the answer.

I don't think you're missing a relationship, I think you're actually missing a purpose.

I too am missing a purpose, a reason to carry on.

Do you have anything you enjoy doing? A hobby, sport, etc?

The fact you're worried about your parents suggests that your have a decent relationship with them. That's awesome. I love my parents too. I think you should talk to them.
 
J

Jameslee

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Luton
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I've got the worst life by any means. I just want to be loved by someone who isn't my family. What gets to me the most is because of my extreme shyness I have zero experience which just makes things impossible when I meet someone I like. It must be so nice to have someone to come home to and share experiences with.
I did have hobbies, however now I get no enjoyment from anything. The best thing I can do is try to sleep as that's the only time my mind isn't going at 100mph.
I do have a great relationship with my parents but even if I could bring myself to tell them it would hurt them so much and I wouldn't be able to live with that. So the way I see it it's lose lose.
Thank you for your message. It is so kind of people to try and help.
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,015
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I've got the worst life by any means. I just want to be loved by someone who isn't my family. What gets to me the most is because of my extreme shyness I have zero experience which just makes things impossible when I meet someone I like. It must be so nice to have someone to come home to and share experiences with.
I did have hobbies, however now I get no enjoyment from anything. The best thing I can do is try to sleep as that's the only time my mind isn't going at 100mph.
I do have a great relationship with my parents but even if I could bring myself to tell them it would hurt them so much and I wouldn't be able to live with that. So the way I see it it's lose lose.
Thank you for your message. It is so kind of people to try and help.
You have to make it happen. If you want to have someone to come home to, you have to make that happen. You have to work on yourself.
You have to take back control that you feel you don't have right now.
Only you can make it happen. People can support you in it, e.g. a therapist, but you need to take responsibility too.
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,015
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I've got the worst life by any means. I just want to be loved by someone who isn't my family. What gets to me the most is because of my extreme shyness I have zero experience which just makes things impossible when I meet someone I like. It must be so nice to have someone to come home to and share experiences with.
I did have hobbies, however now I get no enjoyment from anything. The best thing I can do is try to sleep as that's the only time my mind isn't going at 100mph.
I do have a great relationship with my parents but even if I could bring myself to tell them it would hurt them so much and I wouldn't be able to live with that. So the way I see it it's lose lose.
Thank you for your message. It is so kind of people to try and help.
Everyone wants to be loved, you're normal, there's nothing wrong with you.
You have depression like a lot of others on here, myself included. You have to seek out medications and therapy that work for you, make lifestyle changes. If you don't nothing will change. You have to want this.

And don't give up, people DO care. We are here for you
 
J

Jameslee

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Luton
At the very best I'm going to hang on till my parents die but I can't guarantee I can make it. I think I have everything in place just incase. I have a suicide note on my phone. I have all my passwords wrote down to help them access accounts. I'm about evens on the money front. I can't think of anything else I could do to help them but if you can please let me know.
 
Not_here

Not_here

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Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
116
Location
Ingerland
Lets all meet up and not look or talk to eachother...

Im the same. 33. No friends. 100% no chance of a gf.. affection triggers me like mad..

But i try n keep fit.. incase my brain works one day its got a half decent body... but we're aging fast 😢

I pay to be close to females. Sad i know but im abit of a Neanderthal..


As for the suicide, you gotta out live your parents mate, it'll destroy them! Just wait a lil bit longer.

Wait till your 40 and have these thoughts then.


Imagine if your child commited suicide... you'd join them....


How to overcome shyness? No idea... maybe karaoke? 🤷🏼‍♂️
 
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