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Depression and family

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steveomc209

New member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
1
Can anyone offer any advice on trying to get on with things and put a good show of things across to my family? I have to go and visit them with my wife at the weekend and I am just so anxious about having nothing to say.

I have not been doing a lot and the whole thing around us buying a house together has fallen through.

I am in regular contact with my mum and dad but the contact with the rest of my family has always been rather patchy. I need to contact my cousins about going to visit them but feel they don't want to see me after not replying to one of my messages. I feel I should make the effort to contact my family otherwise I will feel even more distant from them. I just feel so boring and that I am annoying to them.
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi Steve. I have this problem too. There are two approaches.

If you are going to see them, it may be worth telling them you are quite low at the moment, so they can put anything they are uncomfortable about down to that. I feel boring too! People are usually too involved in their own lives to notice. Prepare things to say. Just make a list of even unimportant things you can say about your life, and another about things you can ask about what is going on with them and their family at the moment. If you have some questions people are often happy to talk about themselves. If they mention things they are doing lately, try to get them to tell you all about it, and just listen.

Ask your wife to be prepared to talk more than usual, and cover for you a bit if you are too quiet.

The alternative, which I use now, is just to tell everyone I am depressed. This can be a reason why you are not up to seeing people, or if you do go they may be more understanding. I tell family this because I just can't cope with trying to pretend anymore. Most seem to think maybe they shouldn't call me, though some do, and most have expressed some understanding. It is hard trying to pretend everything is ok.

I wouldn't worry about them not returning a message, probably they were just busy and forgot, then time move on. Maybe they have their own problems. Everyone just gets busy with their own lives. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt.

Family are important. Hope you work things out. Sorry about the house buying falling through.
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hi Steve.

Hope things improve for you.
I have had similar experiences with family, it's exhausting putting in a show too! It's part of me to put on a show so I find it difficult not too.
I guess the only thing I could say is, people love talking about themselves usually. So in some instances now I tend to say, when asked,'I've not been up to much really, all work and no play 'sort of thing, and then pass it back to them and say how about you? Conversation then seems to flow from there most of the time.
I know it's not always possible with family but I usually have my get out clause ie, I limit the time spent with them as much as I can, with an excuse to leave at a certain time...I totally understand this depends on circumstances, but over time now, my family seem to accept I will leave after a couple of hours. I'm usually too exhausted to stay much longer..it has taken me a bit of time to manage my situation with my family but I have done it, as it was necessary.

I do hope it all goes ok, the other thing I always remember when I dreaded it, it was never as bad as I imagined, all the scenarios I thought of just didn't happen....
Wish you well
 
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