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Depression all time high. Boring when sober/annoying when drunk!

M

MattFw

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I seeked therapy 3 years ago for depression. They gave me zoloft (anti depressants). It helped but it turned me into an alcoholic. All i wanted to do was drink, go out and have a blast. I live by the beach, i rotated between 6 or 7 bars at least five nights a week. I decided to stop the medication, hoping to slow down the drinking. It worked! But I still go out twice a week now. I hate it so much.. Drunken nights are no longer fun.. but i force myself to go out in the hopes and prayers that i meet a girl, get laid or even just make a friend. It NEVER happens. I fail every. single. time. I usually cant control my alcohol black and lose my memory by the end of the night.

The problem is when im drinking i get over-confident and over-friendly and i tell myself im some hot, handsome guy, meanwhile im no where near good-looking. And i approach girls hoping to get lucky just once, but I make myself look like a fool and get turned down every time.

My brother and uncle tell me im very annoying when i drink. And im sure people that i approach feel the same way about me. Im sure bartenders and waitresses despise me too. And i feel embarassed walking in cause i dont know what i might have did or said the previous time i was there.

Every night i go out is a waste. Im never successful in picking up girls or making a friend. Every morning i wake up and i get told how obnoxious i was the night before. Its a horrible thing to hear in the morning. Last week, i tried getting with a 19 year old waitress. I did NOT know her age. Her brother works there and told me to leave her the **** alone, caused a scene and a crowd glancing over. I walked out in tears. This was the final straw. I can NOT go out drinking anymore.

But when im sober, i get told im too boring, dull, quiet and awkward. I dont have the guts to approach a girl when im sober. Its like whats the point of living? I get criticized by my personality when im sober. I get criticized by my personality when im drunk. I cant seem to bring myself to join any clubs/classes/groups, there is nothing that interests me in life. Im a lost soul. Im not proud of myself when im sober and DEFINITLEY not proud of myself when drunk. I dont have health insurance with my new job, cant see a therapist yet and i dont believe i ever wanna take medication again.

Ive called the 1800 hotline but it seems to me that they read or memorize their responses.
what in the world do i do??
 
Bod

Bod

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A lot of people drink just to socialise and that can then go over the top as we start to feel really confident, so we keep chasing that feeling when ever we go out with the lads for a few drinks. Maybe try to change your meds.
 
M

MattFw

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
Florida
A lot of people drink just to socialise and that can then go over the top as we start to feel really confident, so we keep chasing that feeling when ever we go out with the lads for a few drinks. Maybe try to change your meds.
When i go out i feel like im the only one that gets to that level. Most people are chill and mellow. Im just not meant to be in social gatherings. Drunk or sober. I just dont belong
 
Bod

Bod

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You deserve to go out, but if you drink then just have the one and then go on a fizzy drink as I call them and you can still have a social life as to me drinking alcohol is not the do all end all. We do not need alcohol to enjoy our lives that's what I think.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Is there any in-between area? Like if you don't get too drunk, just where you are still sensible enough but in that pleasant zone?
 
M

MattFw

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You deserve to go out, but if you drink then just have the one and then go on a fizzy drink as I call them and you can still have a social life as to me drinking alcohol is not the do all end all. We do not need alcohol to enjoy our lives that's what I think.
I agree thats how it should be. But unfortunately, my brain just wants more and more till i can no longer drink
 
M

MattFw

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Location
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Is there any in-between area? Like if you don't get too drunk, just where you are still sensible enough but in that pleasant zone?
I wish. Once i start. My brain just wants more and more. I wish i can control it. Plus the older im getting, the worse its getting. When i was young i could drink in moderation. Not anymore. I just keep going and going
 
Bod

Bod

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Does drinking get you into a lot of trouble and do you have to have a drink to say like get out of bed or go to the shops ?
 
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