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Depression affecting my friend

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Ghoul

Guest
I have depression and because of it I often end up breaking down, if I'm online while it's happening I will often end up asking my friend for help. I've mentioned my self harm and wish to commit suicide to him many times and honestly, even though he lives far away, I feel like I'm alive thanks to him. I would be so lost without him. I always say I'm sorry when I'm feeling a bit better because obviously no one would want to hear things like that, he always says it's fine and that he will always be there for me. His support means the world to me, but I feel like my depression is affecting him. Even if he's too nice to show it or say something about it I know there's no way this isn't damaging him. I know that without his support I will reach my breaking point much faster and I might end up harming myself again, but I don't want to constantly rely on him and end up bringing him down with me. What should I do?
Even if I ask him if it's too much he'll always say he's fine and that he just wants to help me.
 
Apravo

Apravo

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Jan 7, 2015
Messages
234
Location
Cheshire
He means what he says, It's your mind playing tricks on you, Have you any evidence he doesn't meant it.
Stay strong
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Oct 21, 2013
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On a comet
Hello buddy, believe in what your friend says :) even if later down the line it wasn't true, then you can try to do something about it. But for now there is no evidence to suggest he is being damaged. But your a really good person for caring for his well being :hug1:
 
R

Rob27

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Apr 8, 2015
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Hey I often think the same thing about my best friend but shes always there if I need her. Friends like that are hard to find and im sure if the roles were reversed you would do the same. so I try not to worry about it. I no its easyer said then done but I hope you can worry a bit less
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Apr 1, 2015
Messages
744
Sorry but i have to disagree with everyone else. Im not suggesting that your friend doesn't want to be there for you or anything else, im sure your friend doesn't mind at all. However the problem is that *you feel* like your burdening your friend. The only way i can see this feeling lessening for you is to gain support in other ways. Do you have any therapy? Or even using this forum is another way to off load your feelings without putting it all onto one person. Depressed people can be quite draining and we are very needy. I think its good to take note of that and work out ways around it. Like i say im really not suggesting you stop talking to your friend at all, he clearly cares and wants to help and has been a great resource for you, but finding other additional ways to off load can be beneficial too. Even down to writing in a journal, or exercise or something else to distract you when you need it.
 
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UMPALUMPA

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xxxxxxxxxx
 
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G

Ghoul

Guest
Thanks for all your opinions!
Unfortunately therapy is not an option at the moment, however I'll be moving this summer and once I move I think I'll be able to get that kind of help. I've tried distracting myself by drawing or writing/playing music but in the end the only thing that truly helps me is talking about it. I need to feel like someone will accept and support me or I can't calm down (I'm aware that makes me very needy, which is why I'm worried about always talking to him about it). I've had a few issues in life that make me very afraid of being abandoned.
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
744
Is talking in person the only thing that helps? How often to you tend to need to lean on him for support?
If he is the only person your able to talk to then you have to believe him when he says he doesn't mind you leaning on him for support.
However i would encourage you to use this forum as a way to talk things through and vent. I think i have some abandonment issues also and ive given up leaning on friends for support because they neither understand nor care. So I've personally found this forum very usefull. So thats what i would suggest leaning on the forum for extra support atleast until your able to get some talking therapy.
Also there are helplines around if you might find that useful? i don't know if your in the uk or not but it even says on the samaritans website that they are there to talk through anything you don't have to be suicidal to call them. So theres that option too.

People talk to us anytime they like, in their own way, and off the record - about whatever’s getting to them. You don't have to be suicidal.
-samaritans website
 
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G

Ghoul

Guest
He is at the moment the only one I can talk to about it, I could also talk to my mother but she doesn't understand it at all and she cried when I told her how I feel once so I don't want to do that again. I'm a bit paranoid about online help (like the samaritans) but I feel comfortable using the forum to talk, so might try doing that more often.
 
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