- Nov 8, 2021
When I first started elementary school, I had difficulty in reading and writing, all the students in my class learned how to read and write except me, the teacher was giving extra homework to me for me to catch my classmates. My mother and father were also teachers, and they were frustrated with my lack of learning or slow learning speed. They told me that I have a low-level IQ and I am stupid. So, for the first 8 years of my unsuccessful school life, I literally think that I am stupid and I have a low-level IQ. After 8 years they took me to a psychiatrist and I am diagnosed with ADHD and a relatively high IQ (I could not believe it, because I literally think that I am stupid because of my parents and my unsuccessful school life). I was treated with Ritalin, but I was still having bad grades, and I quit ritalin. But in high school that changed, I started to work hard and concentrate well and accepted university with a scholarship and now I am a second-year PhD student. In my undergrad, I did not feel like I am stupid but now it came literally back. I do not know if this is imposter syndrome or what but I feel stupid, I feel not clever, I feel like I have to work hard, I have to work hard all the time because I am stupid so I need to catch up all the time, I do not believe how I am doing a Ph.D., I feel I do not deserve to be here, I feel my profs will regret to accepted me, I feel like maybe I should quit Ph.D. I lost my motivation, I could not study, I can not concentrate, I do not know what to do. My life is meaningless, I lost track, I have no energy, I do not want to wake up, I do not want to do anything but lay in the coach all day and oversleeping.