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Depressed?

S

shopgirl

New member
Joined
Aug 7, 2008
Messages
2
Hi

I've been feeling like I've been really depressed for quite a long time now.

A bit of history.

When I was 8 my dad left and I took it really hard then, wouldn't take to anyone etc. It's been hard growing up, struggling with school, etc

Relationship wise, I have tended to swap boyfriends as often as I've swapped jobs which is usually less than 2yrs. I'm not good with relationships and often I think tend to mess them up in someway if they going ok.

I'm 28yrs old and have been studying really hard to get into the healthcare profession. I have been with my current fella for 4yrs, although not long before christmas we broke up. My decision. We were living with his parents, his brother used to come round and bring his girl and kids over and it often felt a stressful household what with trying to save money for a wedding and a house and not being able to go out and have fun I started getting snappy etc.

I moved out to live with my mum etc and get away, anyway to cut a long story short I broke up with my fella and started seeing someone very shortly after who was close to him, and got back with my ex after xmas.

He knows all that went on, but I feel like the worst person ever, he forgave everything a long time ago, but I can't get passed what I did and wish with all my heart it had never happened.

I've had these spells throughout my life when I get these thoughts that I wanna just escape everything and it all, and I'm starting to have those thoughts again.

As I am really working hard with the course and getting really stressed with everything it's starting to bring all these thoughts back again that I absolutely hate myself, to the point where I'm pretty much beside myself with hate and even cry myself to sleep. I feel that I've fallen back into a well of despair and can't seem to climb back out of it.

I've always been someone that easily falls into depression and has these swings and roundabouts of mood changes but I've become more or a recluse, I feel so bad, I don't like to face anyone and feel like I can't bring myself to look at my boyfriend and feel like I don't deserve his forgiveness and I don't know whether I can ever forgive myself to let it work properly between us. I love him with all my heart but can't help being snappy with him because of how I feel about myself.

Anyway with everything else I've had going on, my cat's recently had to be put down, my sis has been admitted to hospital, my other sis is moving out of the country, had two papers to hand in recently, decisions to make on where to take a job etc etc etc, with everything else I've got going on I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper.

I've tried counselling a while ago, to talk to someone objective, but ended up giving it up as I couldn't afford the fees. There's a history of depression in my family.

One thing I was wondering is, do people think I'm depressed. and has anyone tried St. John's Wort and do they find it effective?

Sorry for the long msg.

thanks
 
Aahbut

Aahbut

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
277
Location
Midlands
Hi Shopgirl and welcome to the forums. I'm no doctor but the description you gave matches closely how I felt when I was diagnosed as depressed. You are obviously far from happy with your life so I think the best thing you can do is go see your doctor. If you are depressed he can help you, then maybe in time you can sort out the other areas of your life.
 
S

shopgirl

New member
Joined
Aug 7, 2008
Messages
2
Thanks for your reply.

That's only a proportion of what's been going on. I'm just feeling so down at the moment, and even everytime I acknowledge that to myself it makes me cry.

About 2001 I had some unexplained weight loss, it didn't matter how much I ate I lost weight, which was unusual for me, the doc at the hosp only heard a proportion of things that were going on then and he said it was due to stress nevermind everything I got going on now.

I've never acknowledged it with the GP for the simple reason of the stigma that gets associated, esp more than ever now. As a health care professional we always suggest seeing GP for stuff like this, but as a health care professional myself, I feel that there is stigma associated with it, as it's ok for a patient but not for staff, I just feel that if I went to a gp then I'm worried about that affecting my career.

Do you think this would be a problem, it's nursing I'm going in to?
 
M

mad as a hatter

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
hi welcome 2 the forum i shouldn,t think it affect ur career as ur gp got 2 keep it confidential i know ur career very important 2 u but so is ur mental health and if that not right u won,t be able 2 do ur job or function properly then u will just fall deeper into depression
 
raspberry

raspberry

Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2008
Messages
13
hi shopgirl and welcome, i havent tried st johns wort but everything is worth a go. this sounds really weird and like an old wives tale but when i feel really down im not sure why but fruit tea seems to work just to calm me down and the warmth kinda comforts me. it just helps to focus and calm the mind. take care.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Welcome to the forum. If you're already taking medication for anything then check with your GP first about St John's Wort as it can react with other medication.

You have too much going on to sort it out all at once and maybe that's part of the problem. We're encouraged to think that we're super human and we're not.

As for the time you and your OH were apart - you weren't seeing each other and you have done no wrong by seeing someone else, no matter who it was.

Do one good thing for yourself tomorrow, just one.
 
W

White Dragon

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 30, 2008
Messages
141
Location
Norwich
I hope you feel better. Oh and I can relate to the losing weight. It is one of my concerns. Unfortunately it seems I'm having trouble putting any on. Anyway I haven't had St John's Wort but I hear from many that it is very effective. Best wishes.
 
Aahbut

Aahbut

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
277
Location
Midlands
St. Johns Wort is said to be effective only in less problematic cases of depression. And as Dollit said check with your doctor as it can react badly with other medications.
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
I think with St Johns Wort there is some evidence that it works. How ever it is a form of self treatment and if depression is severe you need the support of GP and mental health services rather than going it alone.
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
I read in the metro the other day that st johns wort is better than prozac but it wasnt consistant in strenghs
 
J

JoeB

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2008
Messages
2
I think with St Johns Wort there is some evidence that it works. How ever it is a form of self treatment and if depression is severe you need the support of GP and mental health services rather than going it alone.
Yeah agreed, 'mild to moderate' depression is usually quoted with use of SJW
 
D

deadpoet79

Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2008
Messages
7
for starters, that's enough to drive anyone into a hole. i personally don't handle stress very well at all as just about anything can put me under. you've got a lot on your plate and I have to applaud you for how well you're handling it.

a few years ago i finally got in to see a dr about my situation and things are a whole lot better than they were. as far as stigma, i wouldn't worry about it. it just makes it more fruitful when you are able to connect with someone that is going through the same thing and help them through it.

hope you feel better really soon!!
 
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