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Depressed partner- seeking advice

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Lorraine489

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Mar 15, 2021
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Hi, I’m new to this forum and come seeking advice please.
My partner suffers from depression and has done for around 15 years. He recognises that he is depressed and from the things he tells me (even though I’m not an expert) it does feel that is the case. I think he may also have underlying mental health issues that contribute to him feeling the way he does but he will not seek professional help. I have tried to talk to him about getting help without being pushy and some days he is receptive to the idea but it is very short lived and we are soon back to square 1. Has anyone had any experience with someone that won’t get help and how did you deal with it please? I know it is absolutely his choice so I’m not looking to make him do anything that he doesn’t want to, but is there anything I can do to help him from home? Thanks.
 
tabris

tabris

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Mar 13, 2021
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Hello and welcome! I would keep trying to be persistent about it and really show him that you are concerned about him and think it could help. Since he is sometimes receptive to the idea it sounds like he may have some specific fears. Try asking him exactly why he doesn't want to get help and then you can address it. There are a lot of misconceptions about getting professional help for depression and it's possible he believes some of these myths. For example if he is concerned about stuff like going on medication you can tell him that meds are not the only way of getting professional help. You could also find some videos or articles to show to him about people who have improved their way of life by getting help. At the end of the day you cannot truly force him to do anything and as an adult it is up to him to decide whether or not he will get help. If he still decides he doesn't want help you might try to at least do some mindfulness exercises with him at home to make sure he is moving forward in some way. Just remember that his mental health is not solely your responsibility and you are important too, so don't spend all your time trying to take care of him. It also isn't your fault if he chooses not to get help. Hope this helped :)
 
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Lorraine489

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Joined
Mar 15, 2021
Messages
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Nottingham
Thank you so much for your response, it really does help a lot, I feel very alone in this a lot of the time which I know Is selfish as it’s not me going through it. I just feel I have no one to talk to or express concerns to sometimes so having this outlet really helps. He seems to have it in his head that if he seeks professional help they are going to lock him up and throw away the key, your suggestion to look for posts/videos where people in a similar situation have been helped is a really great idea I will definitely try that when he’s in a receptive mood. Really glad I found this forum.
 
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Lorraine489

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Nottingham
He once went to get help and did actually start taking medication a few years ago but it made him feel worse and put him in a really dark place, he saw another Doctor that couldn’t believe what he had been prescribed. I think this has knocked his confidence in the system that there is help available that will support him
 
tabris

tabris

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Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
164
Location
United States
Thank you so much for your response, it really does help a lot, I feel very alone in this a lot of the time which I know Is selfish as it’s not me going through it. I just feel I have no one to talk to or express concerns to sometimes so having this outlet really helps. He seems to have it in his head that if he seeks professional help they are going to lock him up and throw away the key, your suggestion to look for posts/videos where people in a similar situation have been helped is a really great idea I will definitely try that when he’s in a receptive mood. Really glad I found this forum.
It's not selfish to feel alone, your feelings matter as well as his. I'm glad my advice helped you! His past experiences with getting help probably scared him off from ever helping himself because the medication he got prescribed was clearly not the right one. I was like that with therapy for a while because my first therapist was not good for me. If you suggest therapy to him that is a lot less scary for most people and it is often just as effective as any medication. You might need to search a bit for the best fit, but once you get there it can really change your life. We are here for you ❤
 
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