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Depressed partner- feel not much support



New member
Jul 31, 2019

My husband was seen by the psychiatrist maybe 4? Months ago. He has since got worse, when he went to see the psych they put him on 15mg mertazipine. He’s since gone up to max dose 45mg and then venfalaxin added in and then that increased (all by the GP) who wasn’t actually sure to increase his venfalaxin as he reported last time that he felt they work for 2 weeks or so and then wears off.

The last GP made an ‘urgent referal’ Back to psychiatrist and they have fast tracked (finally after 8 months wait) his CBT which starts in 5 weeks. But the psychiatrist doesn’t want to see him again, they have just said to try the therapy when it starts and he’s on ‘the right meds’

Does anyone think this is ridiculous? I feel he needs to be seen and reassessed, he might have treatment resistant depression or need alternative medicine? We’ve even paid for private therapy for 2 months now I know this is not CBT but it’s not made him any better he keeps getting worse.

He is also very aggressive, he’s always had this in him but his way to deal with the children’s ‘bad’ behaviour is to assert himself and get shouty which I don’t agree with one bit- so then I get told that I do not support his parenting.

Oh and there is the side issue of the gambling addiction, but he has started GA for that and been 3 weeks in a row and not gambled for one.

I feel like me and the kids would be happier for the most part without him, but he definitely will not. When he thought it was ‘all over’ for us last week after an argument with my mum for borrowing money from my grandad that he then gambled he suggested he was going to kill himself and wouldn’t tell me where he was ect. I had to call the police and managed to talk him round.

I do want to support him through his, multiple, issues as when he is himself he can be loving and caring and good with the girls. I feel so overloaded with stuff and it’s a kick in the teeth that the psych doesn’t want to see him- No of us can keep going on like this forever surely without more input or a proper review :( GP is good but isn’t a specialist in that area, I am a health professional myself but my mental health knowledge is limited.

Thanks if you read this I needed to rant


Well-known member
Aug 27, 2018
It sounds like the medication they gave him did not help so much. They really should review his case and make adjustments. I think they are just being lazy, or do not want to deal with a more challenging case. Try to hang in there and give him support, he needs it very badly, although I am certain it is difficult for you. It is possible for him to improve and for things to calm down. It will take perseverance.