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Depressed friend ignoring me

J

Jendoesjen

New member
Joined
Jun 25, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Leeds
I am at loss. I have a friend of around 17-18 years - always been close and always got eachother but went our seperate ways.

recently he got back in touch and things got back to how they used to - and feelings grew although neither of us able to act due to having our own families etc

anyway he opened up to me regarding his troubles, depression and other mental health problems and decided to go cold turkey on his medication. Obviously despite advice not to he has and has not doing so well- has become extremely depressed.

he went quiet for a week or so and then said he needs space and he pushes away people that are important to him and people close to him when he’s like this and it’s not personal. Another week passes one more message saying it’s him not me.

Ive dropped in a few times since and nothing since and now he’s not even opening my messages.I haven’t heard for a week nkw and he’s not even reading what I send. I don’t want to loose a friend so dear to me but I also wander if it is personal and I am actually being ghosted. How can I reach out to my friend when they won’t even read what I send - I just want them to be ok :land to know I care dearly

thank you
 
Hardknocks88

Hardknocks88

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
500
Location
Modesto, CA
Just let them have their space. The painful truth is its their choice to put you back in their life so sorry to hear about this. I was friends with a mentally ill friend in my old city about 2+ yrs ago and his bitchy control freak mother cut him out my life (she mustve been a evil c#nt).
 
B

Blues47

Active member
Joined
May 3, 2021
Messages
36
Location
USA
Try not to take it personally this is what depression is. I've done it to everyone I've ever been close to and I'm sure they're as confused as you are if not outright offended.
 
A

Anne Has A Way

Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2020
Messages
22
Location
South Africa
It's not personal, I swear. It really depends how much you want to be a part if their life. On some practical advice, if you really want to help, drop in with food every now and then and help them clean up their place with zero judgement. Sit with them a while, remind them of what it feels like to have you there and that you don't hate them (which I can almost guarentee they believe). Mostly, just be there when they get back to living. It's really okay if you are not prepared to take on loving a sick person. Really really. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you who cares about them, but I am sure they are aware of the consequences of their disorder and failing to use meds. Go on with your life and if you want to, just leave the back door open for them.
 
J

JEB13

Member
Joined
Jun 28, 2021
Messages
21
Location
QLD Aus.
Try not to take it personally this is what depression is. I've done it to everyone I've ever been close to and I'm sure they're as confused as you are if not outright offended.
I too have pushed good friends away and lost relationships. Some I have managed to salvage others no. I used to feel so weird that I did this but after being on this forum I dont feel so unusual after all. I see why I was doing it.
 
J

Jendoesjen

New member
Joined
Jun 25, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Leeds
It's not personal, I swear. It really depends how much you want to be a part if their life. On some practical advice, if you really want to help, drop in with food every now and then and help them clean up their place with zero judgement. Sit with them a while, remind them of what it feels like to have you there and that you don't hate them (which I can almost guarentee they believe). Mostly, just be there when they get back to living. It's really okay if you are not prepared to take on loving a sick person. Really really. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you who cares about them, but I am sure they are aware of the consequences of their disorder and failing to use meds. Go on with your life and if you want to, just leave the back door open for them.
I wish I could- they are a four hour drive away- I wish I could just swing by and say hello :( thank you for being lovely- I guess it takes patience xxxx
 
PureLeaf

PureLeaf

Active member
Joined
Jul 1, 2021
Messages
26
Location
Midwest
anyway he opened up to me regarding his troubles, depression and other mental health problems and decided to go cold turkey on his medication. Obviously despite advice not to he has and has not doing so well- has become extremely depressed.
I had a similar thing happen. A long time friend of mine contacted me because he needed my help with some home repairs. When I was leaving, I finally told him what's been going on with how I've been feeling about life. And he laughed it off.

People struggle in their own ways. He has had depression for years but still laughed at me. I've had a hard time opening up to people but thought he may understand. I was wrong.

I've been gradually distancing myself away from everyone in life. It's hard. So I feel for your friend. I wouldn't even go to say that your friend is ignoring you. I don't inherently ignore people but I do hold everyone at arm's length. It's a coping mechanism.

Ive dropped in a few times since and nothing since and now he’s not even opening my messages.I haven’t heard for a week nkw and he’s not even reading what I send. I don’t want to loose a friend so dear to me but I also wander if it is personal and I am actually being ghosted. How can I reach out to my friend when they won’t even read what I send - I just want them to be ok :land to know I care dearly

thank you
It's not personal. I find it hard to relate with anyone myself these days. When I'm always alone and can't find people I want to be around, I'm going to have to side with the fact that I'm going to have to direct blame onto me. That is what your friend is doing.

It's a tough situation. My "friend" was worried about me after we didn't talk for six months. He didn't even know my new address. He found out somehow and drove over one day. He started banging on my door and wouldn't leave for 30 to 45 minutes. I called the Police, it got that bad. I won't answer my door for anyone really. Luckily he left before they showed up. I spoke with the officer and told him after my "friend" wouldn't leave after 15 minutes, I started getting a bit nervous. I later texted my "friend" and told him I don't answer the door these days.

So anyways... You can help but it may not be easy for ya. If your friend feels like me, they want to get better themselves before talking or being around other people.

I have a very social job but I'm alone just about any other time of the day.

P.S.
I say friend in quotes since I don't consider myself having friends these days. I tried opening up to a couple family members and they laughed in my face as well after having not seen me in about a year or two.

People are cruel and people judge others. If no one did and if everyone had a true, genuine and kind heart, myself and your friend would be more open.
 
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