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Depressed for a long time

L

lookhappy

Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Manila
I've known since I was young that I have some type of depression. I would go to the school counselor to try and get help when I was in college. On the few instances that I became happy, I feel like something negative happened afterwards. That is why I am afraid of being truly happy. I've always thought, the price is too much. Later on, I concluded that it must be because life needs balance. I feel like my depression has two parts. The first is what I carried since I was young. It's from everything I've been through. The second is the depression that is caused by what is happening in the present. This depression is caused by the problems I am dealing with right now that has been making me extremely depressed. They are both "heavy loads".

Ironically, I teach kids online. So, I need to put on a big smile regardless of how I am feeling. I guess through the years, I've learned to hide what I am really feeling. Now at 35, I am trying to help myself by joining this forum.
 
T

Tomk

Member
Joined
Jul 5, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Pennsylvanian usa
First step is talk with a doctor and a therapist. Get your neurochemistry straight and share some of your burdens. I know for me one of the weird things about depression is that when I’m in it I can’t remember ever not being in it and when I’m not in it I forget it ever happened. The bad part about this is it delayed me getting help for so long. Don’t wait. Get the help you need. We all deserve some joy in life.
 
mirrormaker

mirrormaker

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 18, 2021
Messages
66
Location
Spain
Hi. Im 35 too and i feel you. I have been ignoring some big problems i had since i was 24 (cough, erectile disfunction and other shit, cough) but i recently realize they are going to be a great handicap in my life and depression hit me like a truck a few months ago.
Im also very positive and friendly to the people i know so they dont know how much im going to suffer, so i decided to enter this forum because i need a place to vent my frustrations and i also want to help people that like me are struggling with life
 
mirrormaker

mirrormaker

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 18, 2021
Messages
66
Location
Spain
Hi. Im 35 too and i feel you. I have been ignoring some big problems i had since i was 24 (cough, erectile disfunction and other shit, cough) but i recently realize they are going to be a great handicap in my life and depression hit me like a truck a few months ago.
Im also very positive and friendly to the people i know so they dont know how much im going to suffer, so i decided to enter this forum because i need a place to vent my frustrations and i also want to help people that like me are struggling with life
 
L

lookhappy

Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Manila
First step is talk with a doctor and a therapist. Get your neurochemistry straight and share some of your burdens. I know for me one of the weird things about depression is that when I’m in it I can’t remember ever not being in it and when I’m not in it I forget it ever happened. The bad part about this is it delayed me getting help for so long. Don’t wait. Get the help you need. We all deserve some joy in life.
Thank you. Hopefully this pandemic will end so we can go to hospitals with no fear. I am just not an online person when it comes to getting help because I first want to gauge the medical professional before opening up. Also, I know this sounds weird but I am afraid to experience joy because I am scared of the "balance" of life.
 
L

lookhappy

Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Manila
Hi. Im 35 too and i feel you. I have been ignoring some big problems i had since i was 24 (cough, erectile disfunction and other shit, cough) but i recently realize they are going to be a great handicap in my life and depression hit me like a truck a few months ago.
Im also very positive and friendly to the people i know so they dont know how much im going to suffer, so i decided to enter this forum because i need a place to vent my frustrations and i also want to help people that like me are struggling with life
I totally get what you said about being positive and friendly to the people around you. I have also learned how to hide what I really feel. Let's try our best to get through this one step at a time.
 
mirrormaker

mirrormaker

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 18, 2021
Messages
66
Location
Spain
I totally get what you said about being positive and friendly to the people around you. I have also learned how to hide what I really feel. Let's try our best to get through this one step at a time.
Yea. Being able to keep a nice attitude even when we are hurt inside is a good way to handle life because depression is not usually welcomed in the real world and we need all the support we can get.
It's nice to have forums like this where we can share our thoughts without being judged
 
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