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Depressed Dad - New to site - New to forums

C

crazyfletch

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2015
Messages
3
Hi,

I've never joined a forum before and this was the first site on google that came up.

I thought that if nothing else, writing down my problems would maybe make me feel a little less alone than I do right now. Here's my story....

I am early thirty's and am married with 3 young boys. I have had depressive tendencies from an early age due to physical abuse from my father. I have been with my wife since I was 21 and although I've had feelings of hopelessness and aloneness throughout the last 10 or so years, I had managed to keep that side closed away, and although I've never had any real friends, I had acquaintances who I would socialise with from time to time.

Due to my troubled upbringing I left school with no real qualifications and had have never had a passion that I feel that I could turn into a full-time career. I have held steady jobs throughout my life, my most recent job was as a postman. I had an accident whilst delivering mail in 2012 and have been off work ever since, after tests and different treatments I have been diagnosed with Chronic Pain Syndrome. I suffer quite badly and this is really difficult with three young boys. My depression has worsened, I have tried all different anti-depressents but they seem to have no effect.

I have been on pain medication since my accident, and although they do help with the pain, I have only recently admitted to myself that I have a problem and I am totally addicted.

I wanted to be a much better father to my boys than mine was to me. My motivation levels are at zero and although I know I should fight through the depression and pain, I do very little outside of the house with them (play football etc) , in fact I rarely leave the house. When I do leave the house I feel constantly frustrated with everyone, from other drivers on the road, other people walking in my way whilst out shopping and shop assistance who are slow, the list goes on. I hate myself for it and know I need to just chill but as much as I tell that to myself I simply can't.

My wife has been brilliant since my injury, she does so much for the kids and I do love her but any spark that was there before has completely disappeared. We never connect physically or emotionally. Any time spent together we rarely talk and when we do talk it is often about the kids or about buying stuff and other materialistic things.

I was brought up with no religion, and as much as I would love to believe and have a spiritual connection with a God I just can't. I presume other depressive people like myself try to look for ways to tell the sub-concious brain to stop putting forward these messages. I have tried many different hypnosis, meditation and other audio books that claim to help but I have had no luck.

I just don't know what to do to get out of this. I feel guilty every minute of every day that I am letting my boys down.

I know I have gone on and thank you if you have read my story. I do in fact feel a little better putting these words out to the universe.

I will read through other posts and my hope is to be able to connect with someone out there who is going through what I am.

crazyfletch
 
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,750
Location
Europe
Hi and :welcome:

Well, it sounds like you have three main things to look at, one pain management, there is a lot of material out there on how to cope with chronic pain. Two, how to help yourself with your depression, finding a source of hope and light in your life. Three, are you doing enough for your kids? In a way you are lucky, it sounds like you have a loving family around you who can serve as a focus for your time injured, and help you, the main thing is not to let things go sour through depression and inactivity. It's all related.
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi fletch, I have struggled with depression since a young age. Have physical problems with pain too. Just want to let you know I understand what you are going through, and even having people you love and good things in your life doesn't make it any easier: it just makes you feel worse, because you feel you ought to be grateful and happy and able to cope.

I hope you find a way through. You will find people who understand on the forum. Maybe someone can help. Wish you well x
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hi and welcome!

Glad I found this forum, I hope you will be too :)
 
C

crazyfletch

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2015
Messages
3
Thank you for your responses. Sometimes its good to just to feel listened to, I know probably like many of you, I look beyond the positive things in your life. I really need to take stock and appreciate the good I have and try to focus on that. Thank you xx
 
C

crazyfletch

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2015
Messages
3
We sound pretty similar Sarah, do you mind if I ask a little more about you?
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
I will send you a PM
 
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