• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Depressed boyfriend

T

typhlosion

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
1
Hi all. Don't normally do things like this, but struggling to know what else to do right now to be honest. Need some impartial advice :/

First things first: I'm 19 and my boyfriend (that's same-sex - sadly relevant to the story) is 17 in a couple of weeks. I've been with him for nearly 3 years now and I still feel deeply in love with him.

About a year ago his parents (who have never approved of us, since it's obviously all my fault he's gay) decided to try and get rid of me by reporting me to the police, claiming I'd had underage sex with him and accusing me of being a paedophile and grooming him. Not a pleasant accusation I know, and while the police eventually cleared me of all accusations I was forbidden from seeing him for that time - we were best friends before about 2 years before we even started going out, and we were used to see each other 4-5 times a week, even just hanging out like mates, so this certainly was very difficult to get used to.

I should also point out here that no, I didn't expect his parents to be over the moon about it. Or even comfortable about it. But I don't think the way they've reacted is in any way appropriate.

His parents responded to the police's refusal to charge me with anything by telling his whole family about us and generally emotionally bullying. I apologise for not going into more detail there, but not only do I not want this thread to be about then, I can't talk about it without getting very bitter about their frankly disgusting abuse of their son's emotions (see :p). The basic point is that he had a history of getting bullied throughout school and it was very difficult for him to take. He refused to live with his parents anymore and told me that he needed some time to himself to try and sort his head out - that he didn't want to lose me again so he wanted to keep in contact by texting me, but that for a couple of months he wanted to avoid seeing me. I guess I was a little hurt by this but I agreed to for his sake.

Problem is this was last September. And I've seen him once since.

His parents continued to give him abuse because he continued to text me (and they were of course completely the victims in all this), and he was recently diagnosed with depression. This gives me a bit of a dilemma. Ironically I'm currently doing a degree in Psychology so I know all about this, and I know that his behaviour isn't personal, but he's still hurting me. He goes for many days, occasionally even weeks without texting me, and he claims that while he loves me and misses me like hell that it's too painful for him to see me right now.

My question is: should I stick by him or move on? It's been nearly a year of this now and I'm torn - it isn't really his fault he's acting like this, it's "normal" (hate that word) taking into account his condition, but it's still really hurting me. I wouldn't say I'm putting my life on hold for him - I commute to Uni and enjoy my time there and with my friends, and I'm hardly turning down plenty of cute guys to stay with him :p and I definitely still love him as much as I ever have. I guess part of me is determined to show his family that they can't just get rid of me either.

Thanks for your time :)
 
nickh

nickh

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
First hi and :welcome: to the Forum typhlosion.

I am afraid that I am absolutely crap at any sort of relationship advice so won't give any.

All I will observe is that given what you have said I am not altogether surprised that he has become depressed - and you indicate that you don't think so either. Is he continually depressed? If not then I would think that during a period of non-depression you probably do need to ask him directly what he wants.

Sorry this is so vague and useless but as I said relationships are not my area :confused:

Nick.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
K My depressed boyfriend dumped me does he come back? Depression Forum 9
C Relationship Troubles and Depressed Partner (depressed boyfriend) Depression Forum 1
C Is my depressed boyfriend going to leave me? Depression Forum 13
L I was already depressed, then my boyfriend died next to me while we were sleeping. Depression Forum 16
Beachgirl Depressed boyfriend...not sure what to do. Depression Forum 2
V Boyfriend is depressed and being mean as hell to me Depression Forum 15
C Breaking up with a depressed boyfriend? Depression Forum 9
I I love my boyfriend but we are both depressed Depression Forum 6
L Depressed Boyfriend - Help Depression Forum 1
M Boyfriend depressed or fallen out of love? Depression Forum 1
K Need advice on depressed boyfriend Depression Forum 3
B My depressed boyfriend ended our relationship Depression Forum 2
H Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, how can I help him? Depression Forum 6
R Depressed boyfriend pushing me away Depression Forum 2
M My depressed boyfriend left me, help me cope please Depression Forum 6
T Advice Needed - Depressed boyfriend Depression Forum 8
S Depressed ex-boyfriend dumped me, gave up and being cold and cruel Depression Forum 5
P Long distance boyfriend is depressed Depression Forum 1
O my ex boyfriend is severly depressed and says i'm the only one who can help Depression Forum 2
L Depressed Ex-Boyfriend Depression Forum 1
F PLEASE HELP- Depressed/Suicidal Boyfriend Depression Forum 2
L How to help my depressed ex boyfriend? Depression Forum 4
L Boyfriend is severely depressed Depression Forum 4
C My boyfriend's depressed/has suicidal thoughts/ has bipolar disorder. How can I help him? Depression Forum 3
7 Pretty depressed Depression Forum 5
T Permanently depressed just struggle o function. Anyone elseor is it just me? Depression Forum 5
mirrormaker is adviceable to live with your parents if you are a depressed adult? Depression Forum 7
H Too depressed to get help for depression. Ironic no? Depression Forum 32
P Oh God I'm so depressed Depression Forum 11
J Should I quit my job if it is making me depressed? Depression Forum 11
L Very Depressed Depression Forum 10
S Been feeling depressed for years Depression Forum 32
purehavoc Depressed,angry,totaly suicidal... Depression Forum 8
C Depressed after crush on girl, who left work Depression Forum 7
Bod Depressed and raging Depression Forum 18
L Depressed but can see there is light Depression Forum 8
D Depressed GF Depression Forum 3
queenleblanc I thought my depression was linked to my failure. I'm still depressed even though I "succeeded". Depression Forum 5
S Depressed, overweight. Lonely and lacking motivation Depression Forum 28
C Bedridden depressed, hopeless, trigger warning Depression Forum 6
C What are the basic things you do to help when depressed? Depression Forum 14
A Fancy Carp Depressed, lonely, awkward. Anyone want to just shoot the breeze? Depression Forum 71
I Feeling depressed lost my job Depression Forum 5
FallingLeaves "This could be why you're depressed or anxious" Depression Forum 19
L Depressed for a long time Depression Forum 6
whyoverandover (was mirrorImage123) can’t stand being depressed from ptsd Depression Forum 3
O Feeling more depressed Depression Forum 5
T Suicide attempt = depressed? Depression Forum 2
J I tend to get more depressed at night. Depression Forum 16
Amelia2020 Feel depressed about how distant and cold my family is Depression Forum 6

Similar threads

Top