• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Depressed boyfriend

T

typhlosion

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
1
Hi all. Don't normally do things like this, but struggling to know what else to do right now to be honest. Need some impartial advice :/

First things first: I'm 19 and my boyfriend (that's same-sex - sadly relevant to the story) is 17 in a couple of weeks. I've been with him for nearly 3 years now and I still feel deeply in love with him.

About a year ago his parents (who have never approved of us, since it's obviously all my fault he's gay) decided to try and get rid of me by reporting me to the police, claiming I'd had underage sex with him and accusing me of being a paedophile and grooming him. Not a pleasant accusation I know, and while the police eventually cleared me of all accusations I was forbidden from seeing him for that time - we were best friends before about 2 years before we even started going out, and we were used to see each other 4-5 times a week, even just hanging out like mates, so this certainly was very difficult to get used to.

I should also point out here that no, I didn't expect his parents to be over the moon about it. Or even comfortable about it. But I don't think the way they've reacted is in any way appropriate.

His parents responded to the police's refusal to charge me with anything by telling his whole family about us and generally emotionally bullying. I apologise for not going into more detail there, but not only do I not want this thread to be about then, I can't talk about it without getting very bitter about their frankly disgusting abuse of their son's emotions (see :p). The basic point is that he had a history of getting bullied throughout school and it was very difficult for him to take. He refused to live with his parents anymore and told me that he needed some time to himself to try and sort his head out - that he didn't want to lose me again so he wanted to keep in contact by texting me, but that for a couple of months he wanted to avoid seeing me. I guess I was a little hurt by this but I agreed to for his sake.

Problem is this was last September. And I've seen him once since.

His parents continued to give him abuse because he continued to text me (and they were of course completely the victims in all this), and he was recently diagnosed with depression. This gives me a bit of a dilemma. Ironically I'm currently doing a degree in Psychology so I know all about this, and I know that his behaviour isn't personal, but he's still hurting me. He goes for many days, occasionally even weeks without texting me, and he claims that while he loves me and misses me like hell that it's too painful for him to see me right now.

My question is: should I stick by him or move on? It's been nearly a year of this now and I'm torn - it isn't really his fault he's acting like this, it's "normal" (hate that word) taking into account his condition, but it's still really hurting me. I wouldn't say I'm putting my life on hold for him - I commute to Uni and enjoy my time there and with my friends, and I'm hardly turning down plenty of cute guys to stay with him :p and I definitely still love him as much as I ever have. I guess part of me is determined to show his family that they can't just get rid of me either.

Thanks for your time :)
 
nickh

nickh

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
First hi and :welcome: to the Forum typhlosion.

I am afraid that I am absolutely crap at any sort of relationship advice so won't give any.

All I will observe is that given what you have said I am not altogether surprised that he has become depressed - and you indicate that you don't think so either. Is he continually depressed? If not then I would think that during a period of non-depression you probably do need to ask him directly what he wants.

Sorry this is so vague and useless but as I said relationships are not my area :confused:

Nick.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
C Relationship Troubles and Depressed Partner (depressed boyfriend) Depression Forum 0
C Is my depressed boyfriend going to leave me? Depression Forum 13
L I was already depressed, then my boyfriend died next to me while we were sleeping. Depression Forum 16
Beachgirl Depressed boyfriend...not sure what to do. Depression Forum 2
T I think my friend is depressed. Depression Forum 2
A Dating someone depressed: What can I do? Depression Forum 3
L My depressed fiancée doesn't want me around anymore. Depression Forum 2
D I just let my problems stay as is and I don't do anything about them... too anxious to do what's needed, too depressed to want to do anything at all Depression Forum 2
S Does anyone have issues sleeping etc when severely depressed? Depression Forum 3
S Need some advice about a man with depression (I am depressed too) Depression Forum 12
L Depressed Depression Forum 7
L Depressed as can't make friends and people keep ghosting me. Why? Depression Forum 9
L Depressed and so anxious about my current job situation Depression Forum 10
DistantOcean What songs resonate with your depressed feelings? Depression Forum 7
Ladyfair Very Depressed Depression Forum 5
R My work and home life is making me depressed. Advice please. Depression Forum 2
C What are your passions and hobbies that you turn to when you're depressed? Depression Forum 23
E I'm feeling severely depressed and it's not waning Depression Forum 9
N I am depressed Depression Forum 1
M Waking up depressed Depression Forum 5
Blooming STILL DEPRESSED. Depression Forum 7
C Blood test to measure if we are depressed Depression Forum 10
S Middle-aged and depressed Depression Forum 21
Ladyfair Depressed Sad Alone Depression Forum 9
S Depressed no confidence or hope in life. Depression Forum 6
MrBond007 Depressed, love-sick and hungover. Depression Forum 2
S Getting more depressed every day. Depression Forum 8
M How old are you and why are you depressed ? Depression Forum 31
L Depressed partner- seeking advice Depression Forum 5
I Why I Am Depressed. Depression Forum 3
I So Depressed I can't Even Write This But I Will Try Depression Forum 9
I Very Depressed Depression Forum 3
W Depressed mom with 2nd one on the way Depression Forum 1
Blooming I feel rather depressed today. Depression Forum 5
L Hi. New here but very depressed. Depression Forum 4
S If I wasn't depressed, would I recognise myself? Depression Forum 4
T Do you know why you are depressed Depression Forum 36
T Advice for the depressed Depression Forum 24
D Feel so depressed Depression Forum 2
D Unbelievably depressed and living in constant fear Depression Forum 17
D Depressed, hopeless, suicidal. Depression Forum 7
P Can I be depressed without knowing?!! Depression Forum 5
A I'm so depressed. Depression Forum 6
K Am i depressed? Depression Forum 4
F Depressed Girlfriend is going through a hard time Depression Forum 8
L Depressed and Feeling Inadequate to My Loved Ones Depression Forum 4
T Feel depressed since Trump lost Depression Forum 5
L Chronically depressed and alone Depression Forum 13
M Living a double life, being depressed and having to fake not Depression Forum 8
J Need some help I'm feeling very depressed the moment and just do not feel good Depression Forum 4

Similar threads

Top