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Depressed boyfriend

T

typhlosion

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
1
Hi all. Don't normally do things like this, but struggling to know what else to do right now to be honest. Need some impartial advice :/

First things first: I'm 19 and my boyfriend (that's same-sex - sadly relevant to the story) is 17 in a couple of weeks. I've been with him for nearly 3 years now and I still feel deeply in love with him.

About a year ago his parents (who have never approved of us, since it's obviously all my fault he's gay) decided to try and get rid of me by reporting me to the police, claiming I'd had underage sex with him and accusing me of being a paedophile and grooming him. Not a pleasant accusation I know, and while the police eventually cleared me of all accusations I was forbidden from seeing him for that time - we were best friends before about 2 years before we even started going out, and we were used to see each other 4-5 times a week, even just hanging out like mates, so this certainly was very difficult to get used to.

I should also point out here that no, I didn't expect his parents to be over the moon about it. Or even comfortable about it. But I don't think the way they've reacted is in any way appropriate.

His parents responded to the police's refusal to charge me with anything by telling his whole family about us and generally emotionally bullying. I apologise for not going into more detail there, but not only do I not want this thread to be about then, I can't talk about it without getting very bitter about their frankly disgusting abuse of their son's emotions (see :p). The basic point is that he had a history of getting bullied throughout school and it was very difficult for him to take. He refused to live with his parents anymore and told me that he needed some time to himself to try and sort his head out - that he didn't want to lose me again so he wanted to keep in contact by texting me, but that for a couple of months he wanted to avoid seeing me. I guess I was a little hurt by this but I agreed to for his sake.

Problem is this was last September. And I've seen him once since.

His parents continued to give him abuse because he continued to text me (and they were of course completely the victims in all this), and he was recently diagnosed with depression. This gives me a bit of a dilemma. Ironically I'm currently doing a degree in Psychology so I know all about this, and I know that his behaviour isn't personal, but he's still hurting me. He goes for many days, occasionally even weeks without texting me, and he claims that while he loves me and misses me like hell that it's too painful for him to see me right now.

My question is: should I stick by him or move on? It's been nearly a year of this now and I'm torn - it isn't really his fault he's acting like this, it's "normal" (hate that word) taking into account his condition, but it's still really hurting me. I wouldn't say I'm putting my life on hold for him - I commute to Uni and enjoy my time there and with my friends, and I'm hardly turning down plenty of cute guys to stay with him :p and I definitely still love him as much as I ever have. I guess part of me is determined to show his family that they can't just get rid of me either.

Thanks for your time :)
 
nickh

nickh

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
First hi and :welcome: to the Forum typhlosion.

I am afraid that I am absolutely crap at any sort of relationship advice so won't give any.

All I will observe is that given what you have said I am not altogether surprised that he has become depressed - and you indicate that you don't think so either. Is he continually depressed? If not then I would think that during a period of non-depression you probably do need to ask him directly what he wants.

Sorry this is so vague and useless but as I said relationships are not my area :confused:

Nick.
 
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