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Depressed because of social anxiety, thinking about suicide to escape the feelings

D

depressed_person18

Active member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
41
Location
United Kingdom
I am so awkward around people, it’s like I’ve got zero common sense and I’m a complete idiot. It’s like I forget how to think. And my heart races and it feels like I am having a panic attack. Then after that I go and cry for an hour. I am just miserable. This is a repeating cycle. Sometimes it’s going ok but then an embarrassing moment happens, even around my own family, and I get really depressed again. I’m so tired of being controlled by my anxiety. My family probably think I’m a complete idiot for all the stupid things I’ve done even though it’s due to anxiety. Not to mention the fact I’ve never told anyone about the anxiety and depression and how they have together affected me. I’ve thought about killing myself to just escape. That would be great. I sometimes think about running away from home while no one is there just for attention because it feels like I’m being ignored even though it’s all my fault because I don’t tell anyone. Oh and I have referred to these people as my family but I don’t feel close to them, they are actually my foster family but my social anxiety has prevented me from speaking to them for my whole life and so I don’t even have people I can talk to. Most people have parents they are close to but I am too anxious to even go near them. Also have panic attacks around my siblings too. Yet another reason why I should just die.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
Your life is precious and i am sure you offer something to the world that nobody else can. Your post has helped me feel less alone tonight for one thing.

Lots of people find they don't have anyone to talk to and come to places like forums where other people know how they feel and are able to talk about these difficult subjects for many.

Do you want them to realise you are struggling?

Have you seen your doctor?
 
D

depressed_person18

Active member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
41
Location
United Kingdom
Your life is precious and i am sure you offer something to the world that nobody else can. Your post has helped me feel less alone tonight for one thing.

Lots of people find they don't have anyone to talk to and come to places like forums where other people know how they feel and are able to talk about these difficult subjects for many.

Do you want them to realise you are struggling?

Have you seen your doctor?
I am glad that I could make you feel a little less alone. Posting on the forums doesn't really make me feel better strangely enough, I just do it because I am not comfortable talking to anyone else. My anxiety makes it impossible for me to ask for help from either my family or my doctor. And if I did ask for help I would have to explain what is wrong and that just seems like it would be too much for me to handle. I have a social worker who comes and checks up on me every so often but I always lie about how I am feeling and I am never able to say the words I want to either.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
6,045
Location
Sheffiield
I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

Also the Samaritans can be called for free on 116 123 or E-Mailed at [email protected].

Please take care.
 
E

Eirlys

Member
Joined
May 21, 2020
Messages
23
Location
England
I am so awkward around people, it’s like I’ve got zero common sense and I’m a complete idiot. It’s like I forget how to think. And my heart races and it feels like I am having a panic attack. Then after that I go and cry for an hour. I am just miserable. This is a repeating cycle. Sometimes it’s going ok but then an embarrassing moment happens, even around my own family, and I get really depressed again. I’m so tired of being controlled by my anxiety. My family probably think I’m a complete idiot for all the stupid things I’ve done even though it’s due to anxiety. Not to mention the fact I’ve never told anyone about the anxiety and depression and how they have together affected me. I’ve thought about killing myself to just escape. That would be great. I sometimes think about running away from home while no one is there just for attention because it feels like I’m being ignored even though it’s all my fault because I don’t tell anyone. Oh and I have referred to these people as my family but I don’t feel close to them, they are actually my foster family but my social anxiety has prevented me from speaking to them for my whole life and so I don’t even have people I can talk to. Most people have parents they are close to but I am too anxious to even go near them. Also have panic attacks around my siblings too. Yet another reason why I should just die.
Hi, I've had a similar experience with you in terms of social anxiety making me severely depressed. I understand that being anxious can make it very hard to talk about in order to get help. Have you considered writing down how you feel (like in this post) to communicate how much your struggling? As that would be a lot easier I think than having to verbally explain everything. I really hope you can find a way through to get help as anxiety can be managed so it no longer controls you :)
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
885
I am so awkward around people, it’s like I’ve got zero common sense and I’m a complete idiot. It’s like I forget how to think. And my heart races and it feels like I am having a panic attack. Then after that I go and cry for an hour. I am just miserable. This is a repeating cycle. Sometimes it’s going ok but then an embarrassing moment happens, even around my own family, and I get really depressed again. I’m so tired of being controlled by my anxiety. My family probably think I’m a complete idiot for all the stupid things I’ve done even though it’s due to anxiety. Not to mention the fact I’ve never told anyone about the anxiety and depression and how they have together affected me. I’ve thought about killing myself to just escape. That would be great. I sometimes think about running away from home while no one is there just for attention because it feels like I’m being ignored even though it’s all my fault because I don’t tell anyone. Oh and I have referred to these people as my family but I don’t feel close to them, they are actually my foster family but my social anxiety has prevented me from speaking to them for my whole life and so I don’t even have people I can talk to. Most people have parents they are close to but I am too anxious to even go near them. Also have panic attacks around my siblings too. Yet another reason why I should just die.
hi.... i know how you feel.....i ahev social anxiety and depression too..... i know how tough it is....but what i must advise you is start seeing a psychiatrist or therapist.....they can help you get on top of your probelms.....
 
T

timi0000

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
47
Location
Pittsburgh
I am so awkward around people, it’s like I’ve got zero common sense and I’m a complete idiot. It’s like I forget how to think. And my heart races and it feels like I am having a panic attack. Then after that I go and cry for an hour. I am just miserable. This is a repeating cycle. Sometimes it’s going ok but then an embarrassing moment happens, even around my own family, and I get really depressed again. I’m so tired of being controlled by my anxiety. My family probably think I’m a complete idiot for all the stupid things I’ve done even though it’s due to anxiety. Not to mention the fact I’ve never told anyone about the anxiety and depression and how they have together affected me. I’ve thought about killing myself to just escape. That would be great. I sometimes think about running away from home while no one is there just for attention because it feels like I’m being ignored even though it’s all my fault because I don’t tell anyone. Oh and I have referred to these people as my family but I don’t feel close to them, they are actually my foster family but my social anxiety has prevented me from speaking to them for my whole life and so I don’t even have people I can talk to. Most people have parents they are close to but I am too anxious to even go near them. Also have panic attacks around my siblings too. Yet another reason why I should just die.
Depressedperson, I really want to give you hope. I used to have such bad social anxiety that it was crippling. I no longer have it. Let me tell you what worked for me. I would recommend reading the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and APPLYING the principles he talks about in your life. Just reading for an intellectual understanding won't make a difference. It was the very first thing that started to unlock me from my anxiety problems.

Meditating on my breath really helped too. Focusing on the sensation of my breath as it enters and leaves a nostril is what you do. I would recommend finding a teacher in your area or at least find some information on YouTube. This really helped me unlock from my anxiety too.

Taking the actions of love toward other people really helped me too. Start treating the people around you with more love. Do more loving things for them. Start helping people. When I did this, the anxiety just melted away over time.

More than anything, take whatever actions you feel drawn to take in dealing with your anxiety. When your mind sees that you are serious about getting to the core of problem, the anxiety will go away. since it has served its purpose. It is like an alarm bell letting you know that you have some issues that need to be dealt with. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have.
 
R

Resolution

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 21, 2019
Messages
189
Location
West Midlands
Don’t be alone in your thoughts all the time trust in someone that you can truly talk too 😇
 
mischief

mischief

Well-known member
Admin
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
13,801
Location
The World
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