- Nov 9, 2019
- United Kingdom
I am so awkward around people, it’s like I’ve got zero common sense and I’m a complete idiot. It’s like I forget how to think. And my heart races and it feels like I am having a panic attack. Then after that I go and cry for an hour. I am just miserable. This is a repeating cycle. Sometimes it’s going ok but then an embarrassing moment happens, even around my own family, and I get really depressed again. I’m so tired of being controlled by my anxiety. My family probably think I’m a complete idiot for all the stupid things I’ve done even though it’s due to anxiety. Not to mention the fact I’ve never told anyone about the anxiety and depression and how they have together affected me. I’ve thought about killing myself to just escape. That would be great. I sometimes think about running away from home while no one is there just for attention because it feels like I’m being ignored even though it’s all my fault because I don’t tell anyone. Oh and I have referred to these people as my family but I don’t feel close to them, they are actually my foster family but my social anxiety has prevented me from speaking to them for my whole life and so I don’t even have people I can talk to. Most people have parents they are close to but I am too anxious to even go near them. Also have panic attacks around my siblings too. Yet another reason why I should just die.