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Depressed as can't make friends and people keep ghosting me. Why?

L

LonelyGirl1

New member
Joined
May 31, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Buckinghamshire
I've been living in a new place for 4 years and still haven't made any new friends here.

Tried bumble for friends, had a nice chat with a few girls from the area who supposedly are looking for new friends but they never suggest to meet up. Tried suggesting it myself but didn't work. Sometimes wondering of they really are on the app to meet new people as it certainly doesn't seem like it.

Met with 2 girls on 2 different occasions and we had a nice time but then they stopped replying to my messages.

Recently tried bumble again and met with one girl. Again, we had a really nice time but the she ghosted me and even unmatched.

That's really depressing, is there something wrong with me?

I'm a friendly person, don't normally complain or ever talk bad about others, I have quite a few hobbies I'm not a boring person. Now that it happened to me a few times, I'm getting really depressed.

Why would people keep rejecting me like that? 😞
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
9,881
Location
England
It feels hard to meet friends when older. I have friends from school and old colleagues plus my cousins, and no new ones, if anything my circle has gotten smaller.

The best place to meet people is on courses such as flower arranging. I have gone to reading groups and writing groups before. I don't keep in touch with anyone but while the class is going on, we have coffee and sit in the gardens and talk on the break. Is that something you could do?
 
M

Mistral

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Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
667
As Tawny has said meeting people at classes and in group situations is a good way to meet new people. However, be aware that sometimes when trying to make new friends we can come across as being too needy. That will drive people away.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Jan 2, 2012
Messages
8,098
Location
Teesside
I have lived around the country moving from place to place so i know how hard it is to be lonely. I too was desperate for friends.

Its really hard to get into people's groups as you get older as people tend to click and remain clicked and are often guarded against meeting new people.

I think joining a craft group or part time college course is a really good idea as then you will meet people with the same interests.

Please be careful about meeting people online and then Real-life as not everyone are as they seem. But im sure you are careful?

Welcome to this forum!
You should find it friendly and supportive here.
Hugs
Fox
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,642
Location
USA
Making friends you can meet up with and do something with is not easy in our modern society. I moved to this area 42 years ago when I graduated from college and I'm 66 today. I can count the friends I socialize with on even an irregular basis on one hand-and still order 3 beers with that same hand. Throw in complications from the pandemic and you have the perfect storm for social isolation.

I'm married, but separated-so I see my wife fairly regularly and we have one niece and her kids we're somewhat close to, but that's about it. My family have all passed on and the good friends I had in HS have all gone their separate ways and I haven't spoken with any of them in decades.

I was aware when I was younger that my parents would likely pass on before me, but I have to confess as being surprised that my siblings-even some younger than me-are all gone now and that REALLY close friends stopped calling decades ago. My best friend from HS-I saw him at the 20 year class reunion and we had great time. Tried to call him a couple of times that same year to get together and he was always busy with something. After my last all I said to myself, 'OK, the next call is on him.'. That was 30 years ago and I'm still waiting.

If this is the way life is for everyone else than I have to say I'm disappointed in how things turned out. I count my blessings and try and be grateful for what I have, but I didn't think it would all end up such a lonely existence. No way did I imagine that. What's the point if we have to spend existence all by ourselves?
 
2

2Much2Feel

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Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,540
Location
US
Agree w you, Alexander. It is a lot harder as we get older (I am 50), but it seems like it's gotten harder for younger people as well to make real life connections, so much is done hidden away behind a computer. Meeting up seems to be a huge step for a lot of people, we've all gotten used to living in our own worlds a bit too much. Technology can be great for being able to connect w people, like here, but it really has also made it more difficult to form real, in-person relationships.
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

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Jan 22, 2012
Messages
5,844
I can relate @Alexander Ypsilantis, in my youth on the rave scene I knew scores of people wgo despite being allegedly "right on" didn't want anything to do with me when I became ill. I have two friends now my ex girlfriend who I've known for 20 years and a lesbian woman I met at a mental health support group when I was studying part time. I don't even have a tight online gaming crew like I did a few years ago. I sodded off all my drinking and weed smoking buddies when I decided to clean up my act.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,642
Location
USA
I can relate @Alexander Ypsilantis, in my youth on the rave scene I knew scores of people wgo despite being allegedly "right on" didn't want anything to do with me when I became ill. I have two friends now my ex girlfriend who I've known for 20 years and a lesbian woman I met at a mental health support group when I was studying part time. I don't even have a tight online gaming crew like I did a few years ago. I sodded off all my drinking and weed smoking buddies when I decided to clean up my act.
I have two friends, a husband and a wife. Before the pandemic we used to get together at their place every couple of months, eat dinner, have a few beers and watch movies together. It was really nice. Usually my wife didn't go along, but our threesome was perfect and we all got along great. But, I haven't seen them since December of 2019, before the lockdowns.

We had a real tight group in HS, most of us went off to different colleges be we stayed close for about 20 years after HS graduation-then we started to drift apart. I suppose a certain amount of that is to be expected-families, career and kids can tie us down a lot. But, I made a special effort with 2-3 of them to keep the friendship going and it wasn't reciprocated and I'm not sure why. It's not like they had gotten offended by something I did, more like simply disinterest. I guess we weren't as good friends as I thought we were? If someone values a friendship they'll make an effort to stay in touch.
 
P

Purpleplum

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Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,295
Location
nowhere
People online drop people easily. There are too many others to choose from for them to put effort into getting to know the person.

Don't expect to find someone...don't go searching....be happy on your own....that's when others will be drawn to you.
 
miss_sensitivity

miss_sensitivity

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Joined
May 12, 2021
Messages
626
Location
New Zealand
I don't think I have much to add that hasn't already been said. Making new friends can be difficult, especially friends that are good. I really like what @Purpleplum said about being happy on your own. It's so important to be comfortable in ourselves. I know that it can be hard to feel lonely though. I would also suggest looking for groups/classes you can join, and hopefully you can meet someone organically.

Just don't be hard on yourself about what has happened with these other girls. It simply means you haven't clicked with the right people that you need in your life yet x
 
B

blackrunningshoes

Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Australia
I've been living in a new place for 4 years and still haven't made any new friends here.

Tried bumble for friends, had a nice chat with a few girls from the area who supposedly are looking for new friends but they never suggest to meet up. Tried suggesting it myself but didn't work. Sometimes wondering of they really are on the app to meet new people as it certainly doesn't seem like it.

Met with 2 girls on 2 different occasions and we had a nice time but then they stopped replying to my messages.

Recently tried bumble again and met with one girl. Again, we had a really nice time but the she ghosted me and even unmatched.

That's really depressing, is there something wrong with me?

I'm a friendly person, don't normally complain or ever talk bad about others, I have quite a few hobbies I'm not a boring person. Now that it happened to me a few times, I'm getting really depressed.

Why would people keep rejecting me like that? 😞
I hope things got better for you. I have the same issue, I moved countries 8 years ago and every year I have less and less friends in my new country and back home. Friends back home barely or don’t reply to my texts, some of them even deleted me from Facebook out of nowhere. And where I live now is hard to make friends. A lot of international people are here for a few months or years and leave, and locals are not keen on making friends (or at least not with me). I don’t drink and I’m not having kids so I guess I don’t fit with people my age. I started a new bachelors just before Covid so I have not met many people, and the only lady I like is too busy for friendships outside uni.
Some days I’m not bothered by it and keep busy, but some days it hits me very hard. I realised yesterday a guy that was a good friend of mine at uni when I was younger erased me from Facebook. We have not spoken for years but it still hit me so bad

Anyway, I wish we loners could literally open up and be “I’m looking for friendships let’s meet up” and not get hurt. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person where I live that wants to meet people, but I just don’t know how to find them.
I really hope you can find friends, but if not at least you can see you’re not the only one and that most probably there is nothing wrong with you or me, maybe is just how things are now.
 
L

lonely123456

Member
Joined
Sep 9, 2021
Messages
19
Location
United States
No! Nothing is wrong with you. It seems like a lot of people want to be friends with everyone for attention but don’t want friendships that have an actual relationship attached.
I’ve been and am in the same boat as you.
I was roommates (just us two) for five years in college. I thought we were absolute best friends. We did EVERYTHING together and was maid of honor in her wedding.
But, when I realized it was me “chasing” her, I did an experiment to stop texting her first. Bingo. She never texted me. I realized I didn’t want a “friend” like that. It hurt and I grieved the loss of my friendship.
This happened again with my best “friend” of a few years.
I just don’t want to do superficial friendships.
I’ve been ghosted by new friends I was excited about as well.
I know there is nothing wrong with me. I’m a great friend and listener, and I’m extremely loyal.
It’s them. Not me. I just haven’t found that same person that values the same as me.

I don’t have any advice. Just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone.
 
L

lonely123456

Member
Joined
Sep 9, 2021
Messages
19
Location
United States
I hope things got better for you. I have the same issue, I moved countries 8 years ago and every year I have less and less friends in my new country and back home. Friends back home barely or don’t reply to my texts, some of them even deleted me from Facebook out of nowhere. And where I live now is hard to make friends. A lot of international people are here for a few months or years and leave, and locals are not keen on making friends (or at least not with me). I don’t drink and I’m not having kids so I guess I don’t fit with people my age. I started a new bachelors just before Covid so I have not met many people, and the only lady I like is too busy for friendships outside uni.
Some days I’m not bothered by it and keep busy, but some days it hits me very hard. I realised yesterday a guy that was a good friend of mine at uni when I was younger erased me from Facebook. We have not spoken for years but it still hit me so bad

Anyway, I wish we loners could literally open up and be “I’m looking for friendships let’s meet up” and not get hurt. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person where I live that wants to meet people, but I just don’t know how to find them.
I really hope you can find friends, but if not at least you can see you’re not the only one and that most probably there is nothing wrong with you or me, maybe is just how things are now.
I feel the same way as you! In such a connected world, I feel like we as a society are as disconnected from each other as any point in history.
 
S

Shay94

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
497
Location
Australia WA
Making new friends isn't easy as you get older. I'm also on Bumble trying to find/meet new people. I've been talking to several people, a few have just ended the chat as well. I guess they didn't feel like we connected enough thru the app/not same interest etc so didn't bother replying back. I've only met one person so far, she seems nice enough & we've added each other on fb now, I still feel same way as you but am just sticking with it for the moment to see if I have a chance at meeting more people. There's nothing wrong with you, just be yourself and if other people don't like it, then you're better off without them being in your life anyways
 
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