Depressed and getting worse

D

DanSteely

New member
Joined
Aug 12, 2016
Messages
1
Location
Southampton
#1
Hi All,

Notsure where tostart with this. I'm a 55 year oldman and I've been depressedfor many years and my mood fluctuates from low to verylow. I try reallyhard to hide it from my wife and two daughters butsometimes i cannot. For thelast 3+ years I've been prescribed 3 antidepressants: Mirtazapine 45mg, Venlafaxine SR 300mg (225mg+75mg), Quetiapine (50mg + 250mg). I take the meds along with others for type 2 diabetes. Over the last 20 years I'vehad psychotherapy which did notseem to work. more recently ive hada course of CBT with limited positiveresults. Inthe last two yearsi have lost myjob which was partiallydue to my mentalhealthproblems. I have contemplated and planned suicide many times but feel i cannot doit tomy wifeand children. for manyyears I have been taking cocodamol in great quantities which helps nummy feelings and byrightsmy liver should have stopped working and ishould be dead. Oncea year i have a bloodtestswhich test the efficacyof my diabetiestreatment. one paramiterit looksat is liverfunctionbut thesealways arewithing normal limits. Onebig part of my depression is the factthat mywife andi donothave a phyisical relationship and have notdoneso for 10-15years. i try to raise thesubject withmy wife but she doesnotwant to talke aboutit.
myhope is to get cancer or heart attach and to die without the shock and painof suicide for my family. I have very limited motivation to doanything. i dont wanto carryon likethis. anyadvise wouldbe welcome. thanks. Dan
 
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Mike'sSister

Mike'sSister

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Joined
Jun 21, 2016
Messages
247
Location
This side of the MilkyWay
#2
Hi Dan, I understand a lot of what you are going through, I too, have had depression since my early-mid 20's and your age as well.. I have a husband with whom I have been up front about my depression before we married 25 years ago. I didn't have children because of my family history of psych issues, my baby brother is schizophrenic so I added his name to my tag ... my depression has pushed me to thoughts of wanting to die, but I've never acted on the thought, as I too don't want to hurt my family, especially my mom... my relationship with my husband is solid, but I'm sure we as well, have had our moments of conflict due to my depression.... funny how close my situation is so many of your issues you mention... I lost my job of 33 years due to a lot of my issues with my depression.... I have no desire to try to go back, this too is putting strain on my relationship with my husband. The only advise I can share that gets me by each day... take one day at a time, make myself find something that makes me smile, hold that smile and pull the energy of that smile into my heart and be thankful for it... and keep my faith strong... being depressed is a daily challenge of coping and finding the bright silver lining of the cloud that the depression casts. Remember the Sun (happiness) IS behind the cloud.. you HAVE to work hard to find it and soak it's warmth & bright rays of life ... ps It helps to tell your wife you love her every day, (and I give my husband cards that shares my love for him).... let her know she is the world to you, and always give her kisses, even if they aren't romantic,a kiss has a thousand words of love! Hope this helps...even if just a little bit. Look for your smile! D
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,414
Location
Teesside
#3
Hi Dan and welcome to the forum! :welcome:
Have a look around the forum, you should find it a friendly place. You will realise you are not alone in your struggles.
We are all here to support each other
Hugs
Fox