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Dellusional or honest ?

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fizzybetty

Member
Joined
Apr 11, 2009
Messages
7
Location
Tayside Scotland
:confused:Hi,

I'm new on here and have been reading for a few weeks in the hope that I might find the answer to my questions. Some of them have been answered, but I have one that's niggling away at me and I can't seem to resolve it in my head.
I had been seeing a man for several months. He told me at the outset that he suffered from depression, and that he took ad's. He seemed a normal kind of guy ( we are both in our mid 40's) and we got on really well,. The relationship went from strength to strength with him deciding he wanted to move closer to me ( he lives 30 miles away) and he paid a deposit on a house.
He had changed his meds about 6 weeks proir to this as he didn't like the side effects of the ones he was on ( sexual reasons). but as his old meds got out his system and the new were on their own ( fluoxetine) he seemed to be getting more and more anxious and his behaviour very strange and erratic. He claimed to have forgotten to take his tablets for a few days and we split up very breifly before getting back together.
My question however is centred around something he said then, he said that he kept having this stupid tought coming into his head telling him that he could do better than me.
When he told me this I was understandably upset and of course my reaction was " go find it then"
However he told me that he knew it was nonsense and in fact that I was too good for him and that he knew he was punching above his weight with me ( which is a load of nonsense).
We got back together,although things never seemed to get back to being right and then two weeks ago he arrived to see me and when we went to bed at night he seemed to be drenched in sweat (anxiety ?) He then proceeded to tell me that he felt numb and had no feeling left for me and felt like he shouldn't be with me, something kept nagging at him in his head.
I went to see him a few days later and he was in a terrible state. Just sitting in a chair, staring into space, hardly able to ralk or look at me.
It later transpired that the fluoxetine just were not right for him, and he went back on his old meds and he is slowly but surely climbing back up mentally.
I have told him I will stand by him as a friend, and sometimes he is ok with that , and other times he seems just to shut down again.
I keep thinking abou the "could do better" thing and keep wondering what its all about.
Anybody any ideas ?

Sorry if this is a bit long, but there is no short way to tell this story.
 
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Fruit Loop

Guest
Hello fizzybetty,

I am no expert so I am only speaking from my own personal understanding of the things I have said and done.

I suffer from depression and still on my road to recovery. I have and still do go through phase of self doubt thinking I am not worth it, especially when down. I do not like myself and cannot understand why people would like me? When they make the effort and standby me I throw it all back in their faces. I would say things on purpose to upset them and each time I would try harder and harder to hurt them in the hope they would leave me alone, I would feel I was too much trouble and could not work out what they saw in me and why they kept coming back. Sometimes it is easier to hurt those I hold closest because I do not know how to explain the pain I feel and I know deep down they will come back. It is only when I have had time to piece things together that I am glad they are there for me. I have only really just become aware of not only how much this illness effects me but also those who know me.

That is my take on my similar situation. I would like ask those around me about all of this but I think they are still too wary around me be to answer honestly? I could give it ago may be?

I do not know if any of that makes sense or helps explain the behaviour?
 
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fizzybetty

Member
Joined
Apr 11, 2009
Messages
7
Location
Tayside Scotland
Thanks

Hey fruitloop,

Don't want to cause anybody any pain ! This depression thing is really painful to deal with on both sides and its even worse when it makes people do things that they know is wrong but they just cant seem to help it. When my partner told me that he kept on thinking that he could do better, the first thought I had was " why would someone, who loved me to bits yesterday, make me feel inferior today", and then of course the confusion kicks in, because he regularly told me that I was too beautiful for him and that he was "punching above his weight" . I had to tell him that I found it emarrasing wh:redface:en he said things like that. I had no idea that it was the depression talking.
He does have very high standards where other people are concerned, and Ive come to the conclusion that its so that he can keep himself isolated and so that he does not have to deal with other people.
I keep making progress in getting him to talk to me and then he just shuts down and says something insulting or wierd to get me to go away, a couple of days later he's back emailing and texting ( unsolicited) but as soon as his illness is mentioned he backs off. He hasn't yey picked up the phone to call me, but I'm hoping that will be soon.
Do you think I should just play things cool and let him do the talking, not get too heavily into the serious stuff?
He has only been back on his original meds ( Citilopram) for 12 days, they won't have kicked in properly yet will they ?
I just so want to be there for him and do the right things.

Cheers X
 
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Fruit Loop

Guest
Hiya,

I am not familiar with Citalopram, sorry.

I can relate to the having high standards to keep myself isolated from others. I am slowly letting a few trusted ones back into my world as time goes on and I feel more comfortable.

I did/can be very defensive and guarded about my depression but again as I understand more about it and with time I can talk about it more. The cause of it I still keep very guarded but that is my issue.

I think I responded better to the easy approach and not too much prodding until I felt ready to let a little out. I am very lucky to have people around me who have a great deal of patience and prepared to listen at the times I wanted to talk. What I also found very reassuring is the offer of a listening ear at anytime. I also liked the distraction of a cuppa and a chin wag about every day things in the real world. I guess also knowing that someone would be there for me.
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
Moving closer together is a big life change this is potentially a stressor for both of you. Give yourselves time to get used to it. Also ads do lots of things to our bodies and it can take time to stabilise again. Good luck to you both with your relationship and health.
KP
 
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fizzybetty

Member
Joined
Apr 11, 2009
Messages
7
Location
Tayside Scotland
Thanks

Hi, Thanks for your words of encouragement, to be honest I'm not sure if he just wants me to get lost. He doesn't seem to want to see me or speak to me, and then when he does either text or email, he just stops suddenly and I don't know what I've done!
I am in close contact with the chap that he works with and he is trying to get me to hang in there, but it's really hard when you think someone doesn't give a damn about you.
Sometimes I just feel like giving up and saying at least I tried, but something at the back of my mind tells me to stick with it, that he needs me to be there. I just keep thinking that he meant it when he said he thought he could do better than me.
Love D.
 
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