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Death of a freind

N

NunoWolves

New member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
2
Location
UK
#1
Not sure if this is the right section to post this, so sorry of if the wrong section.

Yesterday I found out my friend and former co-worker had taken her own life. My manager had informed me at the start of my shift. my initial reaction what. oh ok (I had 2 co-workers pass away in less than 6 months ) to WTF. she was only 21 and did not seem like the type to take her own life. I could not believe it and thought it must be mistaken identity. I had to get to work and with retail, you need to put on a face and assist customers as best as possible which was hard. I felt very irritated. my other co-worker was very upset(he was close to her ) I had tried to talk to him but he would give me the cold shoulder however he would talk to other co-workers. did he feel I would not understand? I know what is it is like to lose someone very close.

I would talk to other co-workers/friends about her which helped.I do want to know what happened to her. some of say she had mental health issues before but she always seemed so happy and loving life.she had such a positive vibe about her. she had gotten into a career which she wanted to be in and all was going well. I can't mention too much detail as its high profile case which has been on the news and is still under investigation. I don't want the media sniffing around.

My emotions ranged from sadness, shock, anger, guilt etc. I know others who were closer to her who would be more affected. I feel at times I do not have the right to say I am in grief, they are others who were way closer to her. some people at my workplace make me feel like that. at other times I guilty for feeling self-centred for thinking about myself in this situation when someone has lost their life. I also suffer from moderate anxiety and depression and I feel and hear people say "oh they are people worst off than you be thankful" which is true but anxiety and depression does not work like that.

I feel guilty that I am unable to help others who affected by her death. I have lost someone who was very close to which changed my life. so I would like to help others but instead, I feel useless and that people just close me off.

my emotions and thinking has been all over the place.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
102
Location
California
#2
I’m sorry this happened. You have every right to be sad and grieve. It sounds like you and your coworkers are all trying to process this, while at the same time trying to keep it together for the sake of work - that’s hard.
Everyone is going to have their own reactions, some of which won’t necessarily make sense to you or even themselves. Try not to worry about one person you feel is pushing you away. Focus on just letting your feeling about this loss happen, and not labeling them right or wrong.
Hope you feel better soon.
 
N

NunoWolves

New member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
2
Location
UK
#3
Thanks for the supportive words. Its been tough for all my co-workers that knew her. she was a very happy person who would light up a room. she would always have positive things to say. Just can't get my head around it. The news media does mention an incident that happened which could have lead to her taking her life. (it is national news here in the UK ) but still makes no sense. there is always a way out of the problem but taking your life end it all.No reset button, no second chance. that's its life done.she was only 21 she had soo much to look forward to. I can't believe I will never see her again. I feel devestared for her parents.