Death is always an after thought

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Dedus

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 23, 2015
Messages
81
Location
Uk. East Midlands
#1
Hey
I was brought into this world afraid and crying, helpless, 44 yrs later , I am still crying and feel scared and helpless, it's as though I have been born on the wrong planet,month a different species, things that are normal to ( normal people ) are mundane to me, everyday things people,do , like shopping working, saying hi to people,because it's expected, mixing with people they don't like, just to fit in, all that shit, I hate conformity, I want people to be real, if they hate someone they hate them, don't pretend to like them, then whisper behind their backs,

The world is a cesspit of pretenders and fucking liars, money controls everything , noyone talks face to face anymore, it's all eclectronic, even people,standing next to one another text to each other, it's a fucking epidemic,

I know I view the world through tainted eyes, but at least I admit I am fucked up, have disorders is a nightmare, but to tell you the truth I wouodnt want to fit in to mainstream society, with all its bullshit, I would rather be alone and know my indifference is real and it's me, !, sorry for the rant ;)

Sometimes I just wish I were dead, it consumes my everyday thoughs, it would just be so much easier to slip away quietly !
 
Last edited:
Nikita

Nikita

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 20, 2015
Messages
4,931
#2
You are not alone in feeling this way about the world and other people Dedus.
I prefer to be alone than surrounded by the fakes and pricks too.
Don't hurt yourself please your life is more important than the types that destroy and hate and we need to
stick together and find each other and make a difference.More power to you,try stay real and find real people to be with and support you.Nikitax
 
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Dedus

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 23, 2015
Messages
81
Location
Uk. East Midlands
#3
Someone once said to me, nothing or noyone would ever be enough for me ! I wonder why I am so dissalusioned with people and life, people that suffer have more in common that people that go through life not giving a shit !!!
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,626
#4
Yep you are definitely Not alone there - its very diffuclt to get on with life and I too have no wish to be in the mainstream of society and its shit. I hate the real world, but also hate dissociation it makes me so sick and ill, I'm always in the woods or at the railway lines like the railway children waving to the smiling faces through the train windows especially the gentleman - I liked him, I like Gentle gentile people.

Please don;t give up hope I don;t mean of being mainstream cos as you said thats a load of shit, bollocks and buggery.

xxxxx
 
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Dedus

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 23, 2015
Messages
81
Location
Uk. East Midlands
#5
There is a kinda metaphore I've known since I was a kid ,

There was a small Kingdom and all was good and happy, then one night a wicked witch sneaked into the kingdom went up to the well and put a potion into it, the next day everyone was mad that drank from the well, except for the king , he didn't drink from it, so the people shouted , ( the king is mad, the king is mad )
The king thought long and hard, and decided the only option was to drink from the well, the next day all the people shouted , ( the king is cured, the king is cured ) kinda makes you wonder if I am mad or the normals !!! Food for thought perhaps !!
 
D

Dedus

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 23, 2015
Messages
81
Location
Uk. East Midlands
#6
One of my poems !!

what has happened to me
where am i
hospital bed
being tube fed
pain so much pain
eyes so cloudy

why

daddy what have you done
am i not your special one
just 10 yrs old
you said it would not hurt
you lied

daddy please stop i cried
mummy must never know
its our little secret
you would say
then take control
of my innocent soul
use my body not yet ready
for your own cold
filth

but this time you went to far
battered and plundered me
opened my holy of holy up
like a jar of honey
i screamed
i am going to tell mummy

is this my doll
i ask the nurse
clutching jemima
not understanding what was happening
clutchin dolly tighter

a voice in the background
says she is a fighter
mummy is that you i whimper
she takes my hand
curses that vile man

is this my doll
 
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