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Death chose the wrong member

FerventAngelL

FerventAngelL

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Wyoming
my name is Julie. Lately I have been feeling like death chose the wrong member of the family. And I don’t mean they chose wrong I just mean I wish they would’ve chose me. Three years ago my brother died due to addiction and wanting to recover from it. He actually died in rehab. Obviously I’m gonna be depressed from that. But everyone goes through things in their life they could make them depressed. I keep asking myself what do I offer this world. At this moment I have no job I have no money. For some reason people always seem not to like me. They think that I am mean which yes I do have a mean streak. I think I’m just an angry person in general. At times I just wanna feel normal I wanna be normal I wanna do normal things I wanna have a life. I feel like I have no wife right now I don’t I live in a house with my mom my aunt who is dying of cancer and my cousin. I’m fat and I have scars all over my body. I’ve never had a boyfriend. And I can’t help but think that I will never have a boyfriend because of the way that I look. Yes I know I am the one who can only change that. But like the saying goes how can you love someone if you can’t love yourself? I truly hate myself and what I have become. I feel like I hate everybody. I feel like my family doesn’t even like me. Today I actually got irritated by the thought of my stepmom liking a picture I have a friend of my deceased brother. I’ve been trying to feel better about myself doing things outdoors getting air doing things just on my own. And I post a picOf me being positive and she doesn’t even like my picture. I know it sounds stupid and I shouldn’t even thinking about how many likes I can get. But unfortunately that’s the world today. And I know I have went all over the place in this post but that’s my brain right now it’s a fucking mess.
 
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bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. I am very sorry you lost your brother. You losing your brother and seeing your aunt dying is bound to take a tole on your mental health. It sounds like you feel a lot of frustration and may benefit from talking about it all to a therapist. They will help you make sense of it all. In my opinion, posting on social media will only add to you feeling low as it is such a shallow place and people can be mean.
 

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