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Dealing with mental illness

Ineedhelp2921

Ineedhelp2921

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 11, 2018
Messages
101
So I've always been mentally ill, at the time I did't know it but looking back, it's obvious now. I remember in IT class when I was around 11, my teacher scared me so much. I don't remember why but I was pulled out of the class and a teaching assistant told me I was having a panic attack. When I was younger I used to cry at sleepovers as I didn't want to be away from my parents. I suspect that was separation anxiety.
I was a good kid but a highly sensitive one. So easy for me to cry. Even the mascots at Disneyland made me cry, people picked on me at school and I cried, teachers would shout at me or any form of minor punishment would make me cry.
I was still the same a few years ago, working in retail, if it was too stressful I would cry, if a customer shouted at me I would shake uncontrollably, and I couldn't control it. My last retail job, I was told that I had to toughen up and grow a thick skin.

I've also realized that if I felt like I was losing a close friend, then I would be quite dramatic about it (Again when I was a kid and growing up) It would really effect me. A dark voice telling me in my head that no one likes me, to the point where I wouldn't be able to sleep.

I also had my anxiety attacks in my early teens. Public places would trigger it and the symptoms making it worse.

I've been reflecting a lot lately and these key things in my life have stuck out to me, maybe I have a disorder. And my doctor has told me and a mental health worker that I have generalized anxiety disorder.

Despite having these really low moments, espaiclly over the past couple of years, I've had a rough ride of making it through my early 20s. It never really clicked with me that it wasn't normal to be like this, and I just carried on. And at the time I thought the pain I was going through was as bad as it was going to get. It was getting to the point where I was hurting myself when I was getting frustrated, mainly through the final year of my education.
But then I had my breakdown and i never knew how bad the physical symptoms could be so bad for anxiety and depression. Mental health issues really are like onions.
I'm back on the mend now, with good and bad days. My dad just says just go day by day. Don't worry about the future as it hasn't happened yet. I also tell myself that it's ok to not be ok (to an extent) I've just taken that pressure off myself that I need to be happy or fixed, or compare myself to other people.
The only thing is that over the past couple of weeks I have been living in fantasy land/Living in my own head, just daydreaming constantly. It is getting a bit obsessive. But at the same time it has been helping me cope and it is also something that I've always done.

Sorry for the ramble, I've had all these thoughts floating around in my head and just had to get them out.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
18,954
Location
England
Hi,
I hope venting helped, please don't be sorry we understand.
Hugs
 
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